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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Discovering my purpose

The other day I had the opportunity to help one of my friend/clients with some stuff that was coming up.

In the interest of maintaining confidentiality, and because this blog really isn't about the specifics about what was happening, I'll just say it was generally physical pain that had some connection to detoxing and, like most physical pain, there was an emotional component.

If you haven't read books by Dr. John Sarno, you really should. Everyone should. But alas, this blog isn't about Sarno either. I'll just say generally that he writes about the emotional component in chronic pain, and I would say his findings are as important as penicillin.

This blog, though teased to be about other things, is about finding purpose. Sometimes in seemingly every-day events.

For almost ten years now, Marcus has been helping people with their health. The easiest thing to call him is a health expert, but since most people don't know what that is, let's just say he has a gift for retaining information about how the body works, as well as an intuitive gift to tap into what people are experiencing so he can help them to release - through body work or nutrition or herbs or exercise or meditation or assigned exercises/tasks - whatever stands in the way of their highest good.

He's good at it. Really good. I've been around and seen a few healer-types and he's one of the best I've ever seen.

The other day when our friend/client was over, I was a part of the process. Since he's wildly more experienced in this than me, I am sort of his wing-woman. But I will say that I think we compliment each other well. I tend to have a softer touch, and I'm also quite good at taping into my intuition about what someone needs to hear, do or release. Though I also know a vital thing that every wing-man and apprentice should know; that everyone should know, in fact: when to shut the fuck up.

A take-charge person by nature, it's also good for me to be a wing-woman. I'm no slouch, for certain. The spiritual psychology and hypnosis training have served me well; also I have years of helping friends and myself through the trials and tribulations of life. No small feat.

Here I think it's worth mentioning that I have discovered something; something I continue to grow and expand within myself, even though it goes against something I was raised to believe in:

You can sometimes help people by telling them what they want to hear, but you cannot always help someone by telling them what they want to hear. In other words, being a people-pleaser, or someone people like will not always work if your aim is to help people. If your aim is to always be liked (a fruitless aim in my experience and estimation), you've actually got a tougher road than to help people and my advise is to let that one go. People are too fickle, too unpredictable, and their responses to others are too rooted in past experiences to ever predict how they'll respond to you. Also, it's exhausting. I worry less what people think of me, but I still carry the concern. Less though, much less than when I was younger. Thank goodness.


That's one thing Marcus excels at and he expresses it to his clients so I know the speech: My biggest concern is your health; not whether or not you like me. I am a pit-bull advocate for your health and healing and sometimes that means you won't like me. Guess what? I don't care. My biggest concern is to get you well. 

I must admit. I sort of like that speech. It gives me the tingles. In part because he's my man and in part because I think it's a really powerful thing to fight for someone's health and healing once they've hired you to do so. Also, I think it's one of the biggest acts of love I've ever seen. Marcus loves all of his clients, but with a sort of detached sentiment; he doesn't care if they love him back, only that they release what blocks them from experiencing happiness and connection.

But here's where my realization comes in. The next morning, as soon as I awoke, I realized something about myself.

You see, for many years, most of my life really, I thought my purpose was music. It's understandable. I started singing at age 3, or so my parents say - I don't recall when, I just don't remember a time I didn't sing. I started playing piano at age 5, and composing songs soon thereafter. As a teenager, I went to an arts school for music and have recorded 3+ albums. Also, it's one of the things I feel most at home doing. I love it.

Well, the other day forced me to realize the following:

Music is my gift; helping people is my purpose.

Honestly, it was a relief to realize this.

Here's why: I was confused a little about the music thing. I love it and I'm good at it. But other musicians, remarkably less talented musicians, seemed to be getting more than their share of success because of their music while I remain largely unknown (besides to my few hundred fans, friends, and family - thanks, guys!). But that didn't change the unpredictability of my gigs. Sometimes I'd have a full houses for performances, which could be anywhere from 40-500 people, depending on the venue, to crickets chirping along with the 4-5 people that are there for me or just randomly at the venue. It's worth noting the 500 people was at UCSD when I sang and performed in The Vagina Monologues - it wasn't my biggest audience as I had a solo years ago in front of 2000+, but they weren't all there to see me. This is not to make you feel confused or sorry for me (hope that didn't happen), but to illustrate part of my confusion. Not only do I not have top 20 hit singles, I also have unpredictable fan following. Most likely a marketing issue, it still has confounded me. Until recently.

It's worth noting that I've had hints of this before, though this time seems stronger. A few years back during a meditation, I had a ringing voice of clarity wash over me so I asked this thing, this higher wisdom of sorts, if my life's purpose was music (I would've bet the bank that it would have said yes, so certain was I of the music-purpose correlation in my life). The response was almost jovial and hilarious in it's simplicity: think bigger. That's all that came forward. Think bigger.

You see, this realization, that music is my gift; helping people is my purpose has liberated me from that confusion and I feel more free than ever to share my gifts, which include but are not limited to music, while embracing a larger purpose of helping people. I'm not sure exactly how that will look or unfold, but I intend to proceed with an open heart and mind.

What are your gifts? What is your purpose?

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