Growing up in the Midwest, a common adage was: “work hard.” So common is this adage that it was hard for me to imagine anyone not working hard. Additionally, when I moved to California and joined the work force, colleagues and supervisors complimented me on what they called my midwestern work ethic – in other words, I worked hard.
I have to admit, I took pride in this. There was a time when I was clocking 80 or more hours a week. I worked hard, and had a suffering social life to prove it.
That was a few years ago now.
You see, since then, I’ve worked hard on not working hard.
At some point I realized that my life was just passing me by. The problem with hard work solely for the pride and/or earnings of hard work is that you barely have time to enjoy the fruits (positive feedback, pride in your job & pure money) of your labor. I was working as a manager on a television set so late one night, that I didn’t even make it back in time to watch the premier of the very show I was working on! No fruit for me.
These days, my perspective has shifted. Sure, my pocketbook may be lighter than in those days, but I have way more freedom and room to breathe. And I’m taking a page from the book of people like Timothy Ferriss – work (as little and effectively as possible) to live, not live to work. This way of living is giving me the major opportunity to expand my comfort zone. Since I make a hobby of doing things generally out of most people’s comfort zones (from braving heights with aerial acrobatics to public speaking, performing original music, and talking about sex in front of a group of peers – I recently gave a hypnotherapy talk on sex and relationships), it’s really saying something that I’m expanding my comfort zone by living this way...
Currently I have so much freedom and room to breathe, in fact, that I’m able to take time to hang with my family for a few months. My insidious and ingrained work ethic (there’s still a thread of it in me) provides me with some episodes of anxiety and worry. Marcus bears the brunt of these freak-outs.
What do I freak out about?
Usually it’s some combination of: what are we doing next, where are we going to live next, where is our money coming from next, and am I making the wrong decision living this way? I even worry that Marcus isn’t worrying as much as I am (therefore he must not care about it like I do), and often lump in the future of my loved ones, our planet and the human race – I’m already worrying anyhow, I might as well really go for it.
But excepting these freak-outs. My life looks pretty good. And I suppose the freak-outs help me to expand my comfort zone – like growing pains.
This new way of living and freedom of time also allows me to be in the Bahamas right now. It’s a long story that can best be summed up by saying we’re handling some family business here. On our first day here, the 20-something son of the proprietors came by to help trouble-shoot our internet (things in the Bahamas are often a bit unreliable). When we told him we had a busy day of meetings with banks, lawyers and real-estate agents he said, “Don’t work too hard.”
“Don’t work too hard.”
It struck me.
I realized that “Don’t work too hard” is as much an adage in the Bahamas as “Work hard” is in the midwest.
Years ago I read a book called “The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight.” One major thing author Thom Hartmann wrote about that stayed with me was the main lifestyle difference between nomadic and modern people. Nomadic people, living communally and with little to no perception of ownership (over land, goods, people), had approximately 80% leisure time. Modern people, in stark comparison, have 10-20% leisure time. Additionally, leisure time for nomadic people was spent bonding and playing with each other (remember this was before any kind of modern media-based entertainment). Leisure time for modern people is usually spent engaged in media-based entertainment that promotes staying a cog in the very machine that rapes our leisure time.
Maybe the above sounds extreme, and I can’t verify whether it’s true or not, but have you noticed people, especially Americans, tend to work during their most vibrant, youthful years, only to save their coveted leisure time for when they’re older and usually less able to actually enjoy said leisure time?
So I think we should all put on a wider lens to help us gain a little perspective.
Is your life passing you by?
Do you get to savor what you spend time doing?
Instead of asking people what do you do, try what are you into? What do you love?
Because that ultimately may be more telling than what they spend time doing so that they can have more freedom and leisure time in the future...
If time is money, are you working hard for your money or working hard for your time? Can you enjoy your time when it’s yours (not your bosses) or are you like I was – too exhausted from work to really appreciate whatever freedom you have?
Are you operating, like I was, on an adage that came from outside of yourself?
The good news is, it’s not yours. So you might as well let it go.
At least, that's what I'm trying to do.
No. That's what I'm doing.
As Yoda says, do or do not, there is no try.
