If Richard Pryor had a period...

Margaret Cho talks about her period during one or more of her stand-up comedy routines. I recall her saying something like, and I'm paraphrasing here because I'm too lazy to find the actual quote, "I debated whether or not to talk about my period on stage. But then I decided, if Richard Pryor had a period, he would talk about it on stage, so I felt justified."

Well, both Margaret and Richard make me feel just a bit more justified here. Though I might do this without their influence.

And now, it's time for the disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a blog about vaginas, The Vagina Monologues, menstruation, periods, period devices (i.e. tampons, pads, diva cups, etc.), and all things about vaginas, the female cycle and psyche around said cycle. So if you get squeamish around such things, come back tomorrow. Or, for you brave and curious folks, read on! This should be kind of fun and you might just learn something.

(A moment of chairs scraping the floors while a couple of our comrades leave the room. Oh, you're just going to the bathroom? To change your maxi pad? Ok. Well come back quickly!)

Eh hem. (Throat clear.) Here we go.

A few years ago I was involved in The Vagina Monologues at UCSD. The serendipity of it all went something like this. I saw the flyer for auditions for The Vagina Monologues. I asked my friend Jamie about it. She said it was great. I went to the auditions never having read or seen the book or play. I didn't know much about it except the title, but I wanted in (a similar sentiment many men have shared, I'm sure). I show up for the audition, and it's a bunch of theatre gals being just a little dramatic. I even had my game face on, which isn't exactly a theatre game face, it's more of a singer/songwriter game face that helped protect me through my teenage years from nay-sayers and my own self doubt, the latter of the two being louder, since my peers usually respected me once they heard me sing. Anyway, I wore my defenses with quiet determination.

Picture it. One theatre gal was throwing a mini-fit because we were only using the tea-bags (as some light refreshments were provided to those of us auditioning) one time. "I just don't understand why we only use tea bags once! It's such a waste." So teabags were used more than once. Just to placate this theatre gal. I, however, was not dissuaded. This was about vaginas, and I was intrigued.

This was 2001, but it was one of the best things I have done in my life, and definitely one of the best and most memorable things I did in college. I ended up meeting one of my best friends to date at this audition. Her name is Koko, and she was just slightly put off by me and my singer/songwriter persona at auditions. We bonded later on during production and joke to this day about our first meeting. (Apparently she was simultaneously irritated and intimidated by me. Probably a more common response to me than I care to admit.)

I decided to speak part of and sing part of the audition. I've been singing a capella solo since my teenage years, so that didn't bother me in the slightest. Auditions do give me butterflies, but I just breathe and do it.

Turns out they liked it. The director, another lovely woman (or lovely vagina as she would say during production - she often referred to us all as vaginas) named Bethany, met with me to let me know I'd made it into the show and she said, "We want you in the show, we just don' t know how exactly we're going to use you."

Fine by me. Like I said, I just wanted in.

Turns out, I wrote two original songs that were integrated into the show and my participation seemed to be a big success. Months later people would come up to me on campus and say they remembered me from the show and were moved by my performance. (The two songs were Scarlet: about all the things that makes a woman a woman, and the vagina all about being a woman; Love the Night: was all about the frustration around being afraid to walk alone at night, choosing not to let fear control, and loving the night...very good and very late teen/early twenties angst and expression.) But as a result of the sold-out performances and the over $10,000 raised for local women's shelters and charities, vaginas everywhere were happy. Or at least all vaginas in the show and those who came to the show.

Mine, however, was relatively happy, but still suffered the bleached white cotton that make tampons. You see this was when I was exposed to an idea. One of the pieces in The Vagina Monologues is called My Angry Vagina and it's all about what the vagina has to endure in its life, from the doctor's cold duck lips (the metal apparatus used to open the vagina to inspect and do pap smears), and as I recall distinctly from the play, f**king bleached, white cotton shoved up into a vagina, aka tampons.

It took me a few years after being involved in The Vagina Monologues to stop using tampons. But that part of the play really stayed with me. Why do we shove white, bleached cotton up into our vaginas during our period? Sure, it seems neater, I suppose. That's why I did it. I wanted to stop it up. Also, I didn't really like the sensation of the dripping onto a pad. It woke me up in the middle of the night like a slowly dripping faucet.

Marcus, my current and future beau, introduced me to The Diva Cup. His ex used to use it and she liked it. The Diva Cup is a cup that collects menstruation rather than a tampon or pad that absorbs. It requires washing of hands and the diva cup thoroughly (15 seconds minimum), and some getting-used-to, as putting it in requires some....positioning and maneuvering initially. (So does the tampon.) But ultimately, it's very easy and comfortable to use. I like it way better than tampons or pads. Once in a while I get frustrated if it doesn't go in and open just right, but I've found that to be a result of my position more than the cup. Also, when I emailed the creator/manufacturer with questions, they emailed me a very courteous, thorough and prompt response. Marcus loves it when I do have position problems as he can hear me cursing from the bathroom. He wants to record these rants but as of yet he's been too slow on the recording trigger.

So I'm sharing about this Diva Cup with all of you because a) it's better for the environment, and b) better for the woman. I just cannot imagine that bleached, white cotton is good for any of us to have up in our most delicate of delicacies. I've tried the organic cotton, and the pads tend to disintegrate, and the tampons still leave me feeling a bit...dry and invaded. I still use a light pantyliner when the Cup is in as a safety-net, and more full-coverage pads for when I'm traveling and do not have the privacy of my own bathroom to wash and reinsert it properly (I believe it should be emptied about every 8-10 hours, though it depends on your flow). But overall, the Diva cup is my primary means for collecting my period and for the first time in my life, I think (on day 4 or 5), hmm, my period is already over. Anything that makes my period feel shorter is all right by me.

What did women use prior to all this bleached cotton? I've heard moss. I suspect they used actual cotton towels (think old-fashioned diapers modified for grown women). Old-fashioned pads used to be enormous and strap-laden. I've heard women would go off by themselves away from the men during their periods as a ritualistic bonding. Sounds nice. Did they just let it drip? Seems sort of annoying to me. (Maybe pre-modern women weren't as prone to irritation. But if they had hormones, they surely had irritation). Does anyone know? Leave a comment if you have information to share.


This is me signing off. Thank goodness, my period is at the end...until next month. A big, huge, loving shout-out to The Vagina Monologues, and especially for the vaginas who were involved in the show at UCSD with me. Being involved with this play blatantly and inadvertently helping me to love and respect my own and other vaginas even more. Also, love to the Diva Cup people. Thanks for your brilliant invention (or reinvention if this is a remake of an old period device.) If you haven't read The Vagina Monlologues book or seen the play, please do so. Links for both The Vagina Monologues book and the Diva Cup below.

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