Please, be patient.
That's for myself as much or more than it is for any of my readers and especially my loved ones out there.
You see, it has come to my awareness that I'm experiencing some changes, some shifting in my life.
Boy oh boy have I been experiencing resistance about this.
Now this may seem odd. It seems odd to me, really. Because I'm one of those people who appears comfortable with new things &/or change. I seem to be constantly picking up new hobbies (I fancy myself a hobby-whore; affectionately, of course). I'm often trying new things and enrolled in some new classes, learning or spiritual experience.
But...
Something big must be shifting because I am experiencing resistance in a big way.
Here's what resistance looks like for me currently:
- Quick to irritability - over small or not-so-small things; basically anything threatens to irritate me, from bad drivers to a missing sock. Irritability quickly turns to pissiness. I'd say poor Marcus because he gets the brunt of it but he actually has fun with it because he knows I'm just in my doodoo/resistance. Plus he's half Jamaican and conflict for them is like sport so...apparently I picked the right partner because I used to be afraid of conflict. Now more and more I see it as sport.
- Believing that I'm "on my own." Recently I got myself all in a tiff thinking about how I'm the only one who ______s around the house. Basically all the household stuff like shopping, cooking cleaning, car maintenance, etc. The great (sarcastically) thing about #2 is that it's completely untrue. I have never cleaned the toilet since Marcus & I have lived together (since November). The toilet is his thing. He also does the dishes about 80% of the time, which I suspect is a pretty high average for American males out there. Sure, I vacuum and take the car to the shop more than Marcus, but things are probably close to even. Not that anyone's keeping track except every the whole of my ego/reactive mind (henceforth known as RM).
- Feeling tired. I may actually be tired but I feel it too. It does not help.
- Low blood sugar. This is bad enough on its own. This combined with 1-3 reaches homicidal proportions. (disclaimer: I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone. As a trained hypnoherapist I have to say that because if client says it to someone like me, we may need to have some sort of intervention. I'm being factitious. So no one need intervene. Also, I just have a sick sense of humor.)
- Being mean to myself. This is perhaps the worst of all. And it's so unbelievably subtle and insidious, sometimes I hardly even notice it. I think it used to be worse when I was younger, more blatant and pervasive, but I did all kinds of different personal growth work, so now my RM knows I'm onto the blatant (though usually so fast it's still hard to notice) inner dialogue that reprimands and demands perfection. (I joke I'm a recovering over-achiever/perfectionist - apparently I still need to work my 12 steps.) Anyway, lately it's less reprimand and demand, and more tonal. Here's a little example: Today I forgot to grab the raspberries from the farmer's market guy who sold them to me. He forgot. I forgot. I paid but no raspberries. I went back about 15 minutes later (I was on my bike so it took me a minute), and he was no where to be found as it was the end of the farmer's market. I was hungry (as I'd just done yoga & meditation & definitely was in the danger/homicidal zone of my low blood sugar - I really need a "beep beep beep" like when trucks back up to warn people to stay away and myself to calm the f*ck down.) Anyway, I was hungry and fixated and annoyed and bothered for about 5 minutes on getting those raspberries, but I couldn't find the guy! As I was biking away, obviously choosing to give up/let go, it hit me. (Tears welling while saddled in a bike is not ideal though it's okay if you're going slow & not dodging cars - both true in that moment for me.) I am being so mean to myself. Sure I was annoyed with the guy for not handing me the raspberries. (I had them in my hand & he took them to bag 'em, then he gave me my change sans raspberries.) But most of that annoyed energy was coming straight back to me. ("I should've checked to make sure I had them. I should've been more aware. I shouldn't let myself get this low of blood sugar..." You get the idea. And trust me, this type of thing has occurred inside the consciousness of just about every human being on this planet - whether or not they're aware of it.) Well, this is a huge sign of resistance and the RM trying to return to homeostasis. Those who know me know that I'm a big proponent of self-love (both literal and figurative). I've experienced profound and life-changing visceral self-love and adoration. But still, this little demon inside of me came up today to be mean...especially when I'm in resistance. So, realizing how mean I was being to myself over the raspberry debacle, I immediately apologized to myself and took a few deep breaths. That helped it pass. And gave me more fodder for my blog. And reminded me to be gentler with myself.
Those are the main ways resistance rears it's ugly head. Tomorrow maybe I'll start loving my resistance & will stop calling it "ugly."
The question that pops into my mind after all of that is, what on earth is happening in your life that you're experiencing such resistance? Well, tune in tomorrow for part two of this blog.
For today, ask yourself, where are you experiencing resistance & how can you be gentler with yourself about it in service to positive change? Because for me, resistance is strongest when the changes are the most positive. All the more reason to find a new homeostasis.
To be continued...
More Interesting Katie Strand World Posts
- Boobies & Kittens...especially for overcast days
- The One-Minute Happiness Quiz
- Qi Pao! My hips in China
- Raw Milk has been pulled from Whole Foods shelves
- How Betty White deals with the Census
- Anxious or calm?
- Sunscreen may increase the risk of skin cancer!
- What happened to Kathleen Turner?
- Hairiosity!
- And All the Cows Said Moo, TWO!
- A Luke-warm Mess
- Let Go! Your Children Know More Than You Think
- Are you hungry for change? So is Food, Inc.
- Liberating yourself from your own fears
- The smallest non-child, non-midget person I've ever seen
- Stupid trumps hot
- The 15 Things that Pasteurization Kills
- A hugging, laughing, happy mess
- The HPV vaccination could be more dangerous than what it "prevents"
- Is Jake Pavelka a douche bag?
- It's all about interpretation
- Have you forgotten how glorious you are?
- The best reason for DONUTS
- Dr. Mercola recommends raw milk!
- We'd all be pillars of salt
- James Cameron was robbed!
- What do you want?
- The Real British Invasion or...Hey there Brit, how's your American accent?
- Andre Agassi is now Open
- Farts
- Love & Hate. Drugs & Rebellion.
- Occam's Razor - It's a Life & Faith Principle
- If Richard Pryor had a period...
- If you're prone to nudeness...
- Hello, my name is Temple Grandin.
- Blog tease, yelling to no one & the secret to long...
- My Addendum to "Choose a Job You Love..."
- The Primal Diet & Running
- Chop Wood, Carry Water, Do Taxes
- The male member revealed
- Play with the Girls
- How to tame the psycho hose beast
- Oh boy, that's a good question! or How to Deal with the Census
- These boots were made for walking
- If I were a Ninja, I'd wear these shoes
- How my friend Sally became the new First Lady
- My Boyfriend has Autism...Maybe
- Raw Primal Papaya Custard - The Nectar of the Gods
- And All the Cows Said Moo!
- If you were John Mayer, you would too
- Tiredness - Varieties of and unforeseen side-effects
- Foreplay is overrated
- Food should be As God Intended or Why isn't everything we eat organic?
- Yelling - One of the Highest Forms of Compassion
- The Cove - Louie Psihoyos' Oscar speech & a guide on how to create change...
- My Favorite Things...Arrabiata Recipe - Fresh, Organic, Vegan or Primal
- My Favorite Shows on Television...or how David Duchovney & Jesus are likely Good in Bed
- The Hawaiian Islands and Washington D.C.'s sand-paper circle-jerk about Health Care
- My Buddha has Termites...A Lesson in Infinite Joy
- The One-Date-Wonders!
- I had to learn SIGN LANGUAGE when I moved to Los Angeles
- Guys can make a game out of anything
- Hello? The power of CONNECTING and how technology has changed things
- Popping the question is better than porn!
- Bravo, Stephen Colbert & Co! and your Olympic Vancouverage
- Songwriting is like SEX
- Born To Run by Christopher McDougall - Inspiring a inspiring all of us to be more in the FLOW
- A moment of silence for all the plastic surgery casualties
- Ricky Gervais should be the new Simon on American Idol
- Muscle SURPRISE! The key to physical, mental & emotional fitness
- I think my boyfriend's a snake...
- Release... Sweat & Power
- MY FAVORITE THINGS! - Vibram's Five Fingers
- Dick Morris... How do you sleep at night?
- Rusty DePass, Gorillas, and Obama, oh my!
- Michael Jackson - Troubled Genius
No comments:
Post a Comment