We'd all be pillars of salt

From time to time I look back at my old journals and songs. While re-living or living in the past is not something I'd readily advocate, I do recommend learning from our past selves. I sort of use these old journal entries and songs as reminders of where I was and how far (or not so far as the case may be) I've come. Old hardships and heartaches aren't nearly as severe now as they were in the moment I wrote that entry or song. Old joys are remembered fondly. Actually, the hardships are remembered fondly now too, because I can sense my growth.

Now I'm not trying to be overly sappy or sentimental here. But sometimes I feel like the old me is sending notes to my current self to make sure I remember who I am, that I can't help but learn and grow, and that really, I'm ok. No matter what. You're good. A common phrase that pops up in the majority of my journals is: trust yourself. Sometimes years will pass before it pops up again, but sure as taxes, it pops up.

Like Kurt.

I read Slaughterhouse Five years ago, and though I've forgotten most of the details of the book, this part will likely stay with me to my dying day...

Kurt Vonnegut talks about Sodom & Gomorrah, and about Lot's wife, and how she couldn't help but look back. As a result, she turned into a pillar of salt.

Kurt writes, 

And I loved her for it.

Because it was so human. 

So here's my story as told by a pillar of salt.

It made me think about looking back.

Although sometimes it is futile, it also helps us move forward. Remembering is good. Dwelling is not so good.

Writing is looking back, sometimes. Songwriting, too. And even if the writing is about the past, present or future, it becomes a record of who we were, what we wanted, and where we anticipate we'll be. I can sense my mood in a particular entry simply by my handwriting. Keeping all of these journals and songs gives me a barometer of my past, and a sense of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going that provides greater depth than mere contemplation. It allows me to look back for a moment, and come back more fully to the present...

Without turning into a pillar of salt.

Thank goodness my deity is not vengeful.

If god were, we'd all be pillars of salt.

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