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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Superhero weight training

Pete Cisco is my new hero.

This guy just makes sense to me.

But let me back up, because it is likely nobody knows who the flambe I'm talking about.

Pete Cisco is a strong-man, weight-lifting expert that worked with Tony Robbins a few years back. I happened upon some Tony Robbins DVDs and started learning about static lifting, aka static contraction. Not only does this method of weight-training make sense when you describe it in plain terms, it also is proven scientifically based on the rate of increase in strength.

How I understand it, static contraction is the older, smarter brother of maxing out. Maxing out is basically the maximum a person can lift, or do one rep, of any given weight exercise.

Static goes just beyond your maximum amount by going just beyond your max amount and starting at the farthest contraction and releasing the weight down. And it only takes 5-20 seconds per muscle group/exercise. Yes, that's 5-20 seconds!

Anyway, check it out for yourselves. Please let me know what you think - even if you think I've swallowed some major BS...

It seems to be working for me. I feel stronger and healthier than ever. I'll be re-measuring myself again in a week or so, and for me, proof's in the pudding, so I'll let you know if and how my body has changed.

It's worth noting that while I do want to look healthy, fit and vital, and truth-be-told, like a female superhero, I do not want to get too big, which for me is looking like some female body-builders who could've easily passed for men. I already have muscle mass and shoulders that have been mistaken for a professional swimmers, so I'm not trying to build as much as I'm trying to get stronger and get slightly bigger muscles. Marcus is a big help (as I mentioned in previous blogs) since he's been into fitness for a long time and was certified as a NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine) personal trainer, but I may need to consult with Pete to find out the lean-mean-female version of his stuff. So far though, I've not gotten much bigger, but I do seem leaner. We'll know soon once it's time to re-measure my muscles.

Here's Pete Cisco's website precisiontraining.com, and one of his articles that was not only intriguing but also really resonates when you break it down.

From Pete Cisco/Precision Training:

Are You Building Muscle? Or Just Lifting Weights?

Here’s a question I love to ask guys who go to the gym every day: “Do you want to lift weights or do you want to build muscle?” The fact is most people lose sight of why they are lifting weights in the first place. Favorite exercises take on a life of their own. People perform them by rote, day after day, month after month and never evaluate whether it’s generating a tangible benefit. It’s a classic case of what philosopher Alan Watt’s called “mistaking the menu for the food.” It not about the exercises - it's about gaining muscle.
A true, muscle-building workout is an event! It’s an adventure! It takes you into territory you’ve never been in before. It’s the opposite of what the folks are doing in the “cardio” area of the gym. In the cardio area bored men and women walk, jog and step on machines while they read a magazine or absent-mindedly gaze at a ceiling mounted television. They grind away at a steady pace and sharp mental focus is the last thing they want because the activity is sheer boredom and who wants to dwell on that?
Building muscle is different.
No two strength workouts should ever be the same. Every exercise in every workout should involve a higher intensity of muscular output. That means you should always be reaching new personal records of heavier weight or more reps or an extra set. That’s how new muscle is built. It’s an adaptation to a new, greater demand.
Here are three secrets to having the kind of explosive workouts that build muscle.
#1 - Right Exercises
Individual exercises come in and out of vogue for a variety of reasons. But the only thing that really matters is which exercise permits you to deliver the absolute highest possible overload to the muscle you are targeting. 
Take triceps for example. You could do cable press downs, dumbbell triceps extensions, dips, pushups, French presses, close-grip bench presses…I could go on and on. Then there are the dozens of variations of triceps machines from all the leading equipment companies.
How do you know which one is right for you? The simple answer is: the one that allows you to hoist the most weight. So if you can do dumbbell triceps extension with 40 pounds in each hand but you can do weighted dips with your full body weight plus 30 pounds of plates hanging from a weight belt, it’s pretty obvious which one is delivering the highest overload to your triceps.

Perhaps more important, using some simple experimentation you can test the validity of exercises that are recommended by gurus, gym rats and other erstwhile helpful people. Just compare how much you can barbell squat vs. hack squat vs. leg press and you’ll reach your own empirically validated conclusions.
When you start using the best exercise for each muscle group your workouts will explode.
#2 - Big Weights
This point is an obvious corollary of point #1 but it goes further. Even with the right exercise you have a choice between using a heavier weight and doing fewer reps (or a shorter static hold) or using a lighter weight and doing more reps (or a longer static hold). I’ve tested all these combinations and none works better than hoisting the heaviest weight you can for a little as 5 seconds of static contraction. The intensity of that overload creates maximum metabolic changes in the body. It literally forces an adaptation.
Don’t believe that old gym bromide about “light weights for definition” High reps with light weight is pretty much a complete waste of your time. It’s inefficient at building muscle and it’s inefficient at improving definition. There are better ways to do both.
When you start using big weights for each exercise your workouts will explode.
#3 - Short Duration
If your workout is taking you more than 30 minutes something is wrong. If you’re getting it done in less than 20 minutes you’re on the right track. Remember, a good muscle-building workout isn’t like sleep walking on the treadmill or stair stepper. It’s all out, it’s high intensity, and you can’t sustain it for long because it takes everything you have. You’re forcing your body to adapt to a massive stress.
I work with advanced trainees who target five different muscle groups per workout and they are finished in 15 minutes. In that time they actually perform only 25 seconds of actual lifting. That’s not a typo…they perform five exercises using a five-second static hold on each exercise. When they return to the gym in two weeks or so they perform five different exercises for different muscles. And they make progress on every exercise in every workout. How many people do you know who can honestly say that? – new personal records on every workout! 
When you start engineering workouts that are super intense and can be sustained for only a short time your workouts will explode.
So please think about these three 'secrets' next time you are in the gym. And ask yourself, “Do you just want to lift weights or do you want to build muscle?


Train with your brain,

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Like Asking Someone to Swallow the Sun

On the few occasions I've been asked the following, almost always I come back with the same answer.

Why/how did you start singing?

I don't know. I'm told by my parents I was about 3. It just felt right. I just did it.

The relevance of this is that it seemed to come through me, without much conscious choice or say on my part. Sure, I was 3 years old and how much conscious choice do we have at 3 years? Or if we do have conscious choice, do we even remember?

But this leads us to another under-the-radar controversy. Should an individual be solely credited for their creative expression and work?

Who else would you credit? Well, I've said on occasion that I don't know where my gift of singing or songwriting comes from. It just seems to be innate within me. Sure, I took piano lessons and I've taken a handful of singing lessons in my life. I've practiced and studied music theory. I've even broken down, analyzed and learned some of my favorite songs. But all of this has come easier for me than most others (though not as easy as for some as well...I was probably more like a demi-prodigy). Why?

I don't know. All I know is, it never really felt like work. It always felt like slipping into a shoe that always fit - never needed breaking in or a cobbler or a different size.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, talks about this very thing in her TED Talk and she reminded me that in ancient Rome and Greece they didn't give credit to the human artist, but rather to their damon or genius as it was called, who sort of channeled through the artist their creative work. This gave the artist some respite from too much credit and too much responsibility for failure.

I like that. Not because I'm shy about taking credit for my art, and definitely not because I'm reluctant to take responsibility for my failures - sometimes I take too much responsibility! I like this because it frees up the individual to be in the flow of their credit expression without as much weight on their shoulders. And anyone who's been in creative flow knows there seems to be something else....some other presence or will or force filling our sails as we do our thing.

The title of this blog, Like Asking Someone to Swallow the Sun is from the talk. Elizabeth says that's what it's like, putting all the responsibility of creativity on one human psyche is "like asking someone to swallow the sun." It struck me, so I made it my title.

Check out the video and let me know what you think. I was amused, intrigued and relieved. Thanks, Elizabeth Gilbert. Give yourself about 20 minutes to watch the video.

One last note that will make sense after you see the video. When I was a kid, I'd get song ideas - melodies or lyrics - while walking home from my elementary school. So as not to loose the idea, I'd either hum or sing the song quietly to myself or in my head the rest of the walk home, or I'd run home as fast as possible so I could get it down quickly. These days the way home always seemed longer than other days. Incidentally, the walk from my school to home was probably 3/4 mile, or in kid terms, about 8-10 minutes.


Video on youtube embedded or link to TED for the video: http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html

Enjoy!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Katie's Coconut Cream Vegetable Soup

Since I've been more aware lately of my food intake (more on that in a future blog), I've been preparing food more mindfully than ever before. For any of you who know me personally, this may sound strange. I've always been pretty aware of what goes in my body, but I've recently been counting calories, and this has helped me create a really tasty, low-calorie soup. Here's the recipe. Let me know what you think.

All ingredients should be ORGANIC.

Ingredients:
4-6 Tbsp Nutiva coconut oil (or other unheated, white coconut oil)
2 medium onions (white or yellow), chopped
2 carrots, chopped
4 stalks celery, chopped
1 Tbsp fresh ginger, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1-2 cups Crimini & Shitake mushrooms, sliced
(optional: 1-2 small serrano chili peppers, chopped)
1 Tbsp raw heavy cream or 2 Tbsp organic coconut milk

Heat good, filtered water in another pot while making the following vegetable saute. Heat 3 cups of water per person.

Saute in a big, glass (or stainless) soup pot the following: Coconut oil (start w 3 Tbsp, add more coconut oil when you add more ingredients), onions, carrots, celery, ginger and garlic. Saute for 8-10  minutes, add mushrooms. Saute until everything is softened and cooked together. (If you choose to add serrano peppers, push the vegetables to the side of the pan, add 1-2 Tbsp coconut oil with the chopped or minced peppers to infuse the oil with pepper for 3-5 minutes before mixing.)

Once everything is well-cooked together, remove from heat. This will yield 6-8 servings of soup (2-3 cup servings). If you're making for a group, use the whole recipe, if for one, take 2-3 cups of vegetable mixture. Add 1-2 cups heated water per serving. Allow the soup to cool so that you can put your finger in and not pull it out because it's too hot. In other words, allow it to cool to about 95-100 degrees. Once cooled, add 1 Tbsp cream per serving. Option: Use 1-2 Tbsp coconut milk in lieu of cream. Salt lightly to taste. Optional: Add curry powder or other seasonings.

Here's the nutrition information: (The total fat is good fat since it's raw cream. Make sure the soup is cooled before adding cream!)

Calories: 231
Carbs: 11
Fat: 18
Protein: 3

Please feel free to improvise on this recipe, but please let me know how it goes and how you've made it great for you.

Enjoy!

Making Peace with Counting Calories

In my life, I have never counted calories.

My first exposure to this type of thing was around age 12 or 13, when I first really noticed my female peers obsessing about their body images. My mother never counted calories. Her biggest thing with food was to only eat when you're hungry, and that food should be closest to it's natural state. Ha! I bet she didn't realize I'd be taking that to the most literal meaning now as an adult. Thank the heavens for my Mom, both my parents really, and the firm foundation they set for me in nutrition and health.

But my peers. I remember noticing girls looking at calories on food packaging. I hated it. I don't know why, but it felt wrong to me. It was as if it made food, a natural, normal, and delicious part of every day life, into a worry, and I didn't like that.

So even though I spent the majority of my formative years in a weight room with my football coach/fitness teacher father, started teaching aerobics at age 12, then spent several years as a personal trainer, pilates and yoga instructor during college; I was still hugely resistant to counting calories.

But since my current intention is to feel and be in my highest health, and since Marcus (who's an even more intense fitness dude than I am), keeps telling me all the body builders and fitness model types he's ever known have all been meticulous about their food, I finally decided to let go of this one prejudice.

Now before I go into it, let me tell you a little what my resistance about counting calories looked like of late. When I would talk with Marcus about getting my body into even better shape, he would tell me I would have to start counting calories, my ire would immediately rise and I'd say something like, "I don't want to do that. I've never been obsessive about food and I don't want to start now. Why are you trying to make me into one of those crazy, calorie-counting women who are obsessed with all of their food. I don't want that!"

I had serious issues with it.

What changed? Well, being someone who is willing and even likes to try new things was in direct conflict to my unwillingness and downright aversion to the idea of counting calories. So, considering my intention about health, and my proclivity towards trying new things, and Marcus' steadfastness, the idea of it crept into my mind. After a few weeks of back and forth about it, I let go of my prejudice. Maybe 7-10 days ago. It took us a few days to put together my approximate BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate), which I plan to verify at some point via a fitness center that has a machine to test that, and my schedule - how often I'd eat since it's likely I'm a little hypoglycemic. I tend to get a little cranky and can't think straight if I haven't eaten for several hours; when I do eat again, I feel like a different person. Also called "low blood sugar," this has actually very little to do with sugar and more to do with utilizable protein. Anyway, we figured out my daily calorie needs, as well as a schedule for eating based on my energy and potential hypoglycemia.

Here's what I found.

I actually like tracking my food. (I'm calling it "tracking my food" instead of counting calories.) I've found a FREE online program to help me so it's friendlier that also works on my iphone so I can update from my computer or iphone.

But I must admit, I'm shocked. I LIKE IT!

Why? Well, it probably appeals to the nerdy scientist in me. It's like a science experiment. Also, since I'm eating every three hours, I'm not experiencing the energy or mood peaks and valleys that I used to experience eating more haphazardly. Also, with the website I'm using, I can also enter exercise and it calculates the likelihood of losing weight. Now this might be another thing for me to get over, but I'm not all that interested in weight or pounds. I'm more interested in how I feel and look. Ever since puberty, I've been a muscular person and so I've always weighed more than people with the same body because I've had more dense muscle mass...but I would like to look even more like a lean, mean, fighting machine! I get that, I don't care what I weigh.
 

Anyway, here's a link to the program for anyone who's interested in it. It's an open program so you can add foods, which is great for me since I eat mostly organic and raw, so I can enter my raw milk, cheese and eggs and the program doesn't wig out. I like it. Plus, it's free and there are other paid programs out there that personally don't seem worth it to me. (One note: Their calculations for your daily caloric needs seem to be a little off, so please check with a professional before proceeding.)

One last note. I travel to see my family in August and I'm going to try some of this out on my parents. It's funny that this is coming full circle. My father was the fitness guy growing up, but I distinctly remember my mother running in the morning (she'd be absent when I woke up in the morning and would come home all sweaty), and my mother has always been into dancing and fitness, so I'm extremely lucky I have it from both sides. But they've both been feeling a little discouraged about their bodies and fitness. My mother has a hip that's been sore, so she's been unable to do a lot of the activities she loves at her normal level; my father is as strong as an ox (he bench pressed around 250 lbs on his 70th birthday!), but he carries extra weight in his mid-section, and admits to being "in a rut" around his fitness. So, when I'm home, I'm going to help them with tracking their own food and adding some interval training into their fitness routines. (More on interval training on another blog, but the more I study fitness the more I realize how vital interval training is. Maxing out for just 30 seconds helps create vital growth hormone, whereas more low-level, steady cardio actually discourages the creation of natural growth hormone!) Anyway, it's intriguing to me that this is coming full circle. My parents were the first health and fitness influences in my life, and now I'll be supporting them in achieving better health and fitness. (I can hear The Lion King Music - The Circle of Life in my head as I type this.) It's really perfect. To people who've given me so much, it's the least I can do to give back to them. Plus, it's totally selfish since I want them around as long as possible, and want them to feel and be happy, healthy and fulfilled. That's all we can really ask for our loved ones, isn't it?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Lou Reed Sucks.

I'm sorry, but he does.

I used to really like Lou Reed. "Walk on the Wild Side" and "Perfect Day" were the types of songs I always wanted to listen to while doing nothing else, so worthy of listening were they.

I don't know what happened. Maybe he's just lost his songwriting touch. Maybe it was the fact that he got commissioned to write the song in question and he didn't give a fuck that it sucked. But I fear he actually thinks the song is good.

You see, a few years back, I was the Associate and Line-Producer on a film called Nanking. The producer/funder of the film commissioned Lou Reed to write two original songs for the movie.

We did not use the songs in the movie. For those of you who haven't seen the film, it's about the Japanese invasion of Nanking during the winter of 1937-38. The non-Chinese foreigners living in Nanking at the time established a safety zone - with no weaponry, authority or real jurisdiction. It truly is a moving story and they saved hundreds of thousands of civilian lives - as it seemed the Japanese were basically on order to kill and/or rape everyone in their path - soldier or otherwise.

Lou Reed's song Safety Zone. Geesh. It's bad. I hate to disparage a musical icon, but it is seriously bad. Have a listen and let me know what you think.

Here's the link for Safety Zone: (If this link doesn't work, just search Lou Reed Safety Zone)

My favorite bad line is, "rape at the end of a bayonet..."

The good news is, his second song Gravity is slightly less bad. It's still sort of a crap song. Maybe I've grown out of my Lou-Reed-liking phase. All I know is, when I'm creating my own films and television shows, I will not be commissioning Lou Reed to write anything, especially because he won't take "notes" on his original, commissioned compositions.

Gravity link.

Don't forget to let me know what you think.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Day of Silence

Of late, I've been eating mostly organic, mostly raw or in the event I eat non-raw, I eat organic vegan. The diet is devised primarily by Aajonus Vonderplanitz, but Marcus has made a few variations based on his own experience, taste buds, and work with clients.

Those who know me say I look better than ever. I've been working out pretty lustfully too - usually 30-40 minutes of hard cardio (the 600 calorie per hour variety of cardio), and body-builder/fitness-model inspired weight-lifting every day or as my muscles recover (sometimes a 2-3 day cycle of weight-lifting). 

So, the combination of super-healthy eating and working out like Arnold's younger sister has put me on a path toward feeling and potentially looking better than ever.

But four days ago, I ate some non-organic, who-the-fuck-knows-how-it-was prepared food. Now it wasn't prepared via a cart downtown, and it was technically vegetarian, and at a decent restaurant, but it did not do me well. In the past I'd do this once or twice a week, but of late I'll sometimes go a month without ingesting non-organic food.

The next day I felt a little off, by two days passed, I felt as if my body were detoxifying and my inflammation (immune responses) had kicked in almost fully. Achy, swollen/sore throat, and generally feeling yucky.

If I'm living so healthy, why would I feel this awful after only one semi-bad meal?

Part of me thinks this is complete bullocks - I have formatted my daily life around healthy living! My body should be able to handle one bad meal!

But as I check in about it with my higher wisdom, I know that my body is just taking care of me.

No longer am I a practical, economy car. I'm an indy-car, and bad-fuel in an indy car is much more noticeable than low-grade fuel in a Honda accord.

It leads me to another thought, however. If this had happened in the past, my body was probably more occupied with other, more toxic exposures than one little meal. Alcohol, negative thoughts, an over-all less healthy and high-cylinder life-style.

Are we all just functioning at a lower-level than we're meant to? Have we all just grown accustomed to a low-grade level of feeling shitty all the time?!?

I read a book years ago called "The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight." In the book, author Thom Hartmann talks about how our predecessors, the nomadic, living-in-harmony-with-the-earth peoples as having more leisure time - up to 80% - because they lived in harmony with the earth, had few possessions, and worked together for what food and shelter they did require. He contrasted that with modern humans, who work up to 80% of our waking hours - all the while attempting to gain more leisure time.

The diet I currently eat is actually most similar to the way people lived and dined when we were nomadic. I eat foods closest to their natural state - organic, raw, or gently cooked and never highly-processed. Natives didn't eat this way based on some philosophy; humans evolved eating this way, it was natural and not given a second thought. And of course, organic used to be just food. Pesticides back in the day were natural peppermint or other clever tribal movement or crop rotations - also not based on philosophy, just based upon tried and true methods of sustainability.

So why the sore throat and aches? Truly I don't know for certain, but in honor of my body telling me I should be gentle with myself, I'm taking a day of silence today - not using and saving my voice for another day when I feel well again. No phone calls, no speaking with my love Marcus, no chatting with the check-out girl at the market. I'm not working today, so it'll be easier, though I must admit, using my voice is such an automatic, default way of communicating, the days not even half through and I've slipped 4 words already. I recommit myself, and trust my body to heal.

Maybe that's why the immune response to the bad food - to remind me of my body's ability to heal; my body's inherent intelligence with releasing unfamiliar and toxic substances...because when you think about it, all of our processed foods are toxic. Our bodies haven't yet evolved to eating hydrogenated oils, high-fructose corn syrup, or genetically modified foods. How could they? These things have only been around 20-80 years. The human body takes 12,000 years to evolve. Minimum! If scientists don't know for sure how long it takes, I won't pretend to know, but most agree it takes a minimum of 12,000, most likely 50,000 or more.

So today, I'm silent. Don't try to call me. You can text or email, but talking I will be refraining from. I suppose I could also go sit on some moss and smoke some Ayahuasca too if I were really going native.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Despicable Reason Behind Raw Milk Bans - from Dr. Mercola


Hey everyone,
Hopefully you're not too tired of me passing along posts from Dr. Mercola... But in case you haven't noticed, he is one very intelligent, M.D. out in the world who is actually being honest about medicine, nutrition, doctors, and how foods are regulated and the horrifying reasons why they're banned... and it's not for our health, but for big business and control. It saddens me, however I find great hope in the fact that people are beginning to wise-up and doctors like Mercola are speaking out about it... Enjoy! Hopefully you'll be instilled with great hope too knowing that we are actively educating ourselves.

Here's from Dr. Mercola's website:
The Despicable Reason Behind Raw Milk Bans
Government, public health and dairy industry officials want to restrict the sale and distribution of raw milk, citing safety concerns. But small dairy farmers, organic consumers' advocates and raw milk drinkers say that safety isn't the real issue -- it's control of the dairy market.
In January, the Massachusetts Department of Agricultural Resources (MDAR) proposed new regulations that would ban off-the-farm sale and distribution of raw milk. Prior to making the regulations public, MDAR issued cease-and-desist orders to four milk-buying clubs.
While no one has died in Massachusetts because of raw milk, three people died in 2007 from Listeriosis from pasteurized milk.
According to In These Times:
"Considering the relative safety of raw milk and its possible health benefits, campaigns against its legalization are surprisingly intense, and not just in Massachusetts."
David Gumpert, author of The Raw Milk Revolution, argues that regulation is "not about safety -- it's about protecting markets."

Sources:


Dr. Mercola's Comments:

The FDA and CDC have been particularly aggressive recently in their efforts to crack down on raw milk under the pretense of public health safety. But the truth remains that not only is raw milk a health-promoting food, it is oftentimes safer than the pasteurized varieties both state and federal governments are rallying behind.
David Gumpert, author of The Raw Milk Revolution, pointed out, for instance, that while no one has died in Massachusetts because of raw milk, three people died in 2007 from pasteurized milktainted with Listeriosis.
And as In These Times reported, according to CDC data from 1993 to 2006 there were about 116 illnesses a year linked to raw milk -- that amounts to less than .000002 percent of the 76 million people who contract a food-borne illness in the United States each year!
It is very apparent that the regulatory agencies have put blinders on to these statistics as they carry on with their ruthless crusade to ban raw milk and make it illegal for you to drink it.
Why?
Because they are looking out for the interests of Big Dairy produced in factory farms.

Industrial Dairy Farmers Cannot Safely Produce Raw Milk

Raw milk has been gaining popularity for years now. In Massachusetts, the number of dairies licensed to sell raw milk grew from 12 to 23 in just two years, while the Northeast Organic Farming Association stated that dairies are selling more raw milk than they were just five years ago, and consumers call in every week looking for advice on where to find it.
The conventional dairy industry, realizing this, has redoubled their efforts to make sure that raw milk sales are not able to grow, and certainly not able to become mainstream, where they could begin to threaten their very own livelihoods.
If raw dairy really caught on, you would think that the dairy industry would simply follow suit and begin producing raw products to meet the demand. But this would be virtually impossible.
Their business depends on pasteurization, and that is why their powerful lobbyists will stop at nothing to persuade government agencies to keep raw milk bans in full force.

Only Healthy Milk, from Healthy Cows, Can be Consumed Raw

There's a vast difference between the quality and safety of milk from organically raised, grass-fed cows, and conventionally raised, grain-fed livestock. Conventional dairy farms are not typically set up to produce healthy milk, and really the very idea of producing mass quantities of milk from huge numbers of cows confined to one area is contrary to the very nature of healthy milk.
Cows that are fed grain and raised under substandard conditions will likely produce milk that is unhealthy to drink raw because grains, antibiotics, growth hormones, and filthy living conditions change the pH balance and the natural bacteria present in a cow's gut, which in turn affects the natural bacteria and pathogens present in their milk.
In order for conventional dairy farms to safely produce raw milk, they'd be forced to clean up their production practices, raise healthier cows (and likely fewer cows), and give them access to pasture. This would cost them money … lots of money, if it were even possible at all – and that is a very big "if."
This is why, when buying raw milk, it's very important to make sure you're buying milk that has been produced with the intention of being consumed raw, and not just raw milk from conventionally-raised cows that hasn't gone through the pasteurization process yet.
It also begs the question, if the milk produced by most dairy farms has to be pasteurized to remove the filth and bacteria it ordinarily contains … is it really something you want to drink?

Who Should be Able to Limit Your Right to Unpasteurized, Unprocessed Food?

If you're thinking "no one," you're going to have to duke it out with the FDA.
Earlier this year, the Farm-to-Consumer Legal Defense Fund (FTCLDF) filed a lawsuit against the FDA over their raw milk ban, claiming it is unconstitutional. The FDA's rebuttal contained the following extremely concerning and outrageous statements, which make it very clear they believe you have no right to unprocessed food:
  • "There is no absolute right to consume or feed children any particular food."
  • "There is no 'deeply rooted' historical tradition of unfettered access to foods of all kinds."
  • "Plaintiffs' assertion of a 'fundamental right to their own bodily and physical health, which includes what foods they do and do not choose to consume for themselves and their families' is similarly unavailing because plaintiffs do not have a fundamental right to obtain any food they wish."
  • The FDA's brief goes on to state that "even if such a right did exist, it would not render the FDA's regulations unconstitutional because prohibiting the interstate sale and distribution of unpasteurized milk promotes bodily and physical health."
  • "There is no fundamental right to freedom of contract."
Since when did the FDA have authority to tell you what you can and cannot eat and feed your children? Apparently they believe they've had it all along.
If you go by these assertions, it means the FDA has the authority to prohibit any food of their choosing and make it a crime for you to seek it out. If, one day, the FDA deems tomatoes, broccoli or cashews capable of causing you harm (which is just as ludicrous as their assertions that raw milk is harmful), they could therefore enact such a ban and legally enforce it.
What this means is that freedom of food choice is a myth if you live in the United States, and this simply is not acceptable.
Unfortunately, state governments have been dutifully following suit, no doubt after intense pressure from the dairy industry.
In May, for instance, after weeks of lobbying by the Wisconsin dairy industry, Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle vetoed a bill that would have made sale of on-the-farm raw milk legal, stating he "must side with public health and safety of the dairy industry."
In Massachusetts, the Massachusetts Department of Agricultural Resources issued cease-and-desist orders to four milk-buying clubs and proposed new regulations to ban off-the-farm sale and distribution of raw milk.
In their lawsuit, FTCLDF also pointed out that the FDA is taking an unfairly harsh approach with raw milk compared to other raw foods. For instance, unpasteurized juices are sold with just a warning label letting consumers know the juice has not been pasteurized, while raw milk has been outright banned in many states.
Is it a coincidence that some of the states where raw milk sales are illegal are also among the largest dairy producers in the United States (namely Wisconsin and Iowa)?
Hardly.

Do You Want Easy Access to Raw Milk?

By joining the fight to make access to healthy raw milk a right for all Americans, you are not only standing up for raw milk; you're taking a stand to protect your freedom of food choice.
No one, and certainly not any government agency or dairy lobby, should be able to restrict your access to pure, unadulterated food. Organizations like the Weston A. Price Foundation and the Farm-to-Consumer Legal Defense Fund are working toward true freedom of choice for American consumers, and I urge you to get involved in their causes.
For more information, I urge you to listen to my interview with Mark McAfee, the founder of Organic Pastures, one of the largest producers of raw milk in the United States, along with this video with health and business journalist David E. Gumpert.
You can also find lots of valuable information in Gumpert's book, The Raw Milk Revolution, and on McAfee's Web sitewww.OrganicPastures.com.


Monday, July 19, 2010

Smart vs Stupid

During a conversation recently with Marcus, we had a mini-epiphany about the behaviors of smart people versus the behavior of stupid people.

A mini-epiphany, for me, is an epiphany about the everyday things in life, and they're usually general or relatively minor and not life-altering... An epiphany, without the mini, is more life-changing or altering, and usually changes our perspective completely.

So, this is what we came up with.


Smart people think they're stupid, or fallible, or know they sometimes make mistakes, so they double check things. Like the date/time for a scheduled meeting. They don't assume that when a person says, meet Tuesday they mean the very next Tuesday, they check the date too.

Stupid people assume they're smart. They think they've got something or know something without having to take a moment to ensure they actually do... Now this doesn't mean they're holistically stupid, just being stupid or deluded in that particular moment - though please look for patterns of this in your life if this is true for you.

This all can happen very quickly in the way we interact and check or verify our perceptions. If you think you're in the second category, it's time to heighten your awareness. Since you've likely created a subconscious pattern or habit of misinterpreting information, you're going to have to reprogram yourself via some sort of bedtime reprogramming or hypnotherapy or retraining yourself to create new patterns. The easiest way to do this on your own is using nighttime journaling or affirmation stating, since we're most naturally suggestible at night before sleep. I like The Mental Bank program by John Kappas, which I'll be teaching in the near future, but if you're interested, you can check it out at http://www.hypnosis.edu/bookstore/self-improvement/mental-bank/. You don't even have to buy anything. There's a free video of it online and when I started it, I used a plain notebook (rather than buying the workbook). If you're doing it on your own though, please remember to do all three: value events; happenings/wins; and affirmations every night. It's been working great for me for changing old patterns/limitations about money and income.

In the past I might've shied away from such gross generalizations, but if I've pissed you off with the above, check to see if you exhibit some of the behaviors of the second description. Also, eliciting some response is good, even if you vehemently disagree.

Let me know what you think.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

You Don't Need a Doctor... You Need a Time Machine

It's a rare thing to accomplish comedy and tragedy in one moment but the new television show Louie manages to do so with alarming skill, whit, and candor.

If you haven't seen the show yet, here's a clip with guest star Ricky Gervais who I also think is unbelievably talented. (Has there ever before been someone who could simultaneously generate such revultion and humor in one character? If yes, he's one of the best at it.) Anyway, Louis C.K. created the series, and truly, it's worth checking out. It might offend, it might alarm, it might disgust, but ultimately, it will make you think and laugh. The heavy moments are balanced out by the ridiculousness of life so easily posed by Louis.

Please, check out this show so it doesn't go the way of other television comedies that ended up going way of the dinosaur...comedic brilliance should get airtime! If there have been 17 Bachelors, the least we can do is keep shows like Louie on the air. Heck, we've already lost Arrested Development, My Name is Earl, Pushing Daisies (which was more of a dramedy, but I adored it), Better Off Ted (not actually sure what's going on with that show but it's another gem!), and others I'm forgetting that all  fossilized via netflix and DVD. Tragic!

Check it and let me know what you think. Here's a 30-second clip of Louie at the doctor with guest star Ricky Gervais.



If the video doesn't open/view on this blog, here's the link to check it out on hulu. http://www.hulu.com/louie
Hulu has full episodes of Louie with a couple of commercials...better than regular television and a good substitute if you don't have DVR/Tivo.
Enjoy and let me know what you think.


"You don't need a doctor, you need a time machine."

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Throw a Tantrum

About two years ago, my Mother informed me that I never threw tantrums as a child.

I was appalled. Never?!? That seems not only impossible but improbable. Every child I've ever known (and I nannied throughout high school and college) throws tantrums. Sure they vary in severity, volume and theatricality, but generally, all children throw some sort of tantrum.

She said, "I don't remember you ever throwing tantrums."

Jeez.

No wonder then, a few decades after my birth, I found myself throwing a sort of controlled tantrum in service to releasing some of that undone childhood stuff. (More on that below.)

A little background. My older brother by 2 1/2 years was a bit of a trouble-maker. Generally, for my parents and for me. Somewhere in my kid brain I decided I had to be good. For the sake of my parents and/or family. Trouble is, I was making this decision as a child. I didn't know the ramifications, I only knew how to make sense of the world through a child's eyes and perspective.

Now, I've fared quite well considering this self-imposed pressure. I never dated abusive men, nor am I ultra self-destructive or sabotaging. I don't suffer abuse at my own hand nor others. I used to attract and tolerate non-committal men, but I seem to have released that as well. (Whew!)

But I probably am, as I like to say, a recovering perfectionist. I held myself to very high standards (big surprise coming from someone who had to be good as a child). I've released a lot of those standards, knowing now that I can be as I am now. Which is quite different from who I thought I was supposed to be.

A word on that controlled tantrum. Because I've done it myself and facilitated others doing it. Controlled means there are pillows and enough space to thrash around without hurting myself or anyone else. Also, it's vital to have an experienced facilitator present to help. Since my last big one was in 2008, I don't remember all the details, but I do recall tantruming, it feeling good, and spouting things like, I don't have to be good!

Very child-like.

But here's what I discovered to be on the other side. And I may write more about this in future blogs because I suspect there will be more than I can even cover today. Perhaps I've written about it in the past as well...

Freedom. Euphoria. Laughter. Wonderment. I freed myself from my own shackles of a false belief and good behavior.

What ultimately came about is that I found myself acting like a kid. Being like a kid again. Sort of. It was like being a kid without the weight of childhood perceptions and adult intervention. I found pleasure again in seemingly small things. Washing my hands (the liquid hand soap felt so neat on my hands); stepping outside on super-hot cement (we were in 105° desert) - it felt warm and tingly on my feet; driving was wee fun (don't worry I had a co-pilot and I grounded myself before driving); food was a whole new experience with textures and flavors...I loved cottage cheese! Also, my ego and reactive mind seemed just like little floaty things. Any negative or defeating thoughts didn't take hold...they couldn't form roots.

It could've been that I was simply experiencing euphoria after all the wailing. I could've been making it up.

I don't think so. But ultimately, it didn't matter. My experience was all that mattered.

So...Throw a tantrum (with pillows & support). Wail. Cry. Spend a day in silence. Or discover for yourself what might help you tap into that wonderment that's in all of us.

See what's on the other side. You just might like it. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Everything you HAVE TO KNOW about Dangerous Genetically Modified Foods

Dr. Mercola had this video and article on his website recently about how dangerous genetically modified foods really are.

In a recent study done in Russia (I suspect a study like this in the U.S. would be buried by pharmaceutical-agricultural companies like Monsanto), they found that the 3rd generation of genetically modified soy eating hamsters was sterile. STERILE! Think about the implications of that!

Another study found that given choice, rats won't even eat genetically modified tomatoes. Rats will eat almost anything! Soap, leather, furs, candy, snails and other rodents! They are true omnivores. But, rats avoid genetically modified foods! 


Think about it. If rats avoid genetically modified foods, we should too.


So, watch the video and read Mercola's article below.

Scary? Yes. Horrifying? Definitely.

But I'm choosing to see it differently - partly for my sanity, and partly because...well I'm realizing more and more the benefit of seeing the positive in seemingly dire circumstances.

I see this as people, strangers even, looking out for their human brothers and sisters. As long as we do that, I truly, perhaps naively, believe we're going to be all right. The key beyond looking out for each other is to pay attention and make conscious and compassionate choices for yourself, your loved ones and your fellow humans. You have a voice and it starts with your pocketbook. Vote with what you purchase. Organic, and if you can't find a particular thing organic, make sure it's not genetically modified. Avoid soy, corn, cottonseed oil, canola oil and sugar unless it is organic, as these are the most common GM crops. Reference ResponsibleTechnology.org for shopping smart. They have  an application, called Shop No GMO, that you can download for your iphone or ipod touch (and possibly ipad).

All the best to all of you!


Jeffrey Smith is the author of Seeds of Deception and Genetic Roulette.

 Warning: 

This Common Food CausesDevastating Offspring Defects inNew Research Study  by Dr. Mercola
Russian Scientists Find Third Generation of Hamsters Sterilized by GM Soy
  • The no-soy control group had 52 pups
  • The non-GM soy had 78
  • The GM soy had only 40, of which 25 percent died 
Nearly All of the Third-Generation GMO Babies Were Sterile!
Rampant Conflicts of Interest Put You and Your Family at Great Risk
  • damage to beneficial microbes in the soil increasing the likelihood of infection of a crop by soil pathogens
  • interference with nutrient uptake by the plant
  • reduced efficiency of symbiotic nitrogen fixation
  • overall lower-than-expected plant productivity
More Evidence of Reproductive Problems from Eating GM Foods
It’s Time to Save Yourself and Your Famiy Because White Knights Don’t Exist in Government
How to Sniff Out GMOs and Vote with Your Pocketbook
    1. Soy
    2. Corn
    3. Cottonseed (used in vegetable cooking oils)
    4. Canola (canola oil)
    5. Sugar from sugar beets
    6. Hawaiian papaya
    7. Some varieties of zucchini
    8. Crookneck squash
                  Tipping Point… If Europe Did it, the U.S. Can Too!
                  More Educational Material

                  I strongly believe that one of the most obvious clues about the danger of GMO foods are that just about EVERY species of animal that is offered a GMO food versus a non-GMO food will avoid the GMO one. Many times they will do this to the point of starvation, as they have an intuitive sense of the danger of this food.
                  Please listen to the interview as Jeffery expands on this point in great detail. It’s one you can use to effectively share with your friends and family who are not yet convinced of the dangers of GMO foods.
                  If you have more time with them you can bring up the sterility argument that is expanded upon with these new research findings. You might have read this before that genetically modified foods may cause sterility in future generations but now the latest research from Russia provides shocking confirmation of this potential.
                  This study, which was conducted by the Russian equivalent of the US National Association for Gene Security, has not yet been published, but its findings were recently announced. It’s anticipated that the details will be published later this summer.
                  The release of this new information provides yet another health risk, and confirmation on earlier problems related to fertility, birth weight of offspring, and infant mortality.
                  In this feeding study they used hamsters, an animal which has not been previously featured in GM safety studies.
                  One group of hamsters was fed a normal diet without any soy whatsoever, a second group was fed non-GMO soy, a third ate GM soy, and a fourth group ate an even higher amount of GM soy than the third.
                  Using the same genetically modified (GM) soy that is produced on over 90 percent of the soy acreage in the US, the hamsters and their offspring were fed their respective diets over a period of two years, during which time the researchers evaluated three generations of hamsters.
                  First they took five pairs of hamsters from each group, each of which produced about seven to eight litters each, totaling about 140 animals.
                  At first all went well, but serious problems became apparent when they selected new pairs from the offspring.
                  The first problem was that this second generation had a slower growth rate and reached their sexual maturity later than normal.
                  However, this second generation eventually generated another 39 litters:
                  So these second-generation GM soy-fed hamsters had a five-fold higher infant mortality rate, compared to the 5 percent normal death rate that was happening in the controls.
                  But then an even bigger problem became apparent, because nearly all of the third generation hamsters lost the ability to have babies altogether.
                  Only a single third-generation female hamster gave birth to 16 pups, and of those, one fifth died.
                  In short, nearly the entire third generation of GM soy eaters were sterile!
                  But it doesn’t end there.
                  In the GM soy-fed groups they also found an unusually high prevalence of an otherwise extremely rare phenomenon – hair growing inside the animals’ mouths. (You can see the images here.)
                  Says Smith:
                  “… it’s a very rare phenomenon but he [study author, Dr. Surov] had never in his life seen more hair in mouths of hamsters than with these GM soy-fed, third generation hamsters.”
                  As you may know, genetically modified crops weren’t released until 1996, starting with GM soy, corn and cotton. Modified canola came about a year later.
                  Please remember humans have MUCH longer life spans than rats and that GMO foods were only introduced in 1996.  This is LESS than one generation.
                  So we’re still nowhere near seeing the full effects of these potential ramifications in humans, as we’re only about 15 years into it. But if the effects are anything like the effects on numerous types of animals, we could be looking at sterility on a grand scale as our great-grandchildren grow up and begin to try to procreate...
                  The fact that the US is completely unwilling to implement the precautionary principle with regards to GM foods is incomprehensible in light of the findings we already have from animal studies.
                  Additionally, some 800 genetically engineered food applications have been submitted to the USDA, but not one single environmental impact statement has been prepared. So not only are human health ramifications ignored, but the entire eco system is being jeopardized.
                  Unfortunately, it’s clear that the US government is not in a position to make reasonable and responsible decisions related to GMOs at this point, when you consider the fact that the Obama administration has placed former Monsanto attorney and Vice President, Michael Taylor, in charge of US food safety, and serious conflicts of interest even reign supreme within the US Supreme Court!
                  That’s right. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is also a former Monsanto attorney, but refuses to acknowledge any conflict of interest as he’s hearing Monsanto’s third appeal for deregulation of genetically modified alfalfa seeds.
                  After corn, soy and wheat, alfalfa is the most widely grown crop in the US, so allowing GM alfalfa to be deregulated could spell disaster in several ways. It’s easily cross-pollinated by bees and wind, and it’s a perennial, meaning GM alfalfa could live on for years, spreading their genetically modified traits far and wide for a long period of time.
                  It remains to be seen how Justice Thomas rules in this case…
                  But in addition to conflicts of interest, we’re also dealing with government agencies that refuse to acknowledge the science produced by their own scientists.
                  Closely tied to the production of GM crops is the use of the herbicide Roundup, which contains glyphosate. Monsanto’s Roundup is the most widely used herbicide in the world, and contrary to the popular belief propagated by industry, pesticide use has significantly increased – DOUBLED since 2005 -- rather than decreased with the use of GM crops.
                  As it turns out, this is a serious problem for more reasons than one. Not only are GM food crops saturated with more pesticides than ever before, which naturally ends up in your body when you eat them, but glyphosate may also be killing the soil itself.
                  This startling conclusion comes straight from one of the USDA’s own scientists, Dr. Kremer. However, his employer has opted to more or less ignore his findings, which, according to this article in Grist, include evidence that glyphosate causes:
                  But let’s get back to the infertility caused in animals.
                  The evidence of third-generation sterility in hamsters is just one link in a chain of studies that show evidence of this tragic side effect.
                  For example, back in 2005, Dr. Irina Ermakova, one of the senior scientists with the Russian National Academy of Sciences, reported that more than 50 percent of the babies from mother rats that were fed GM soy died within three weeks, compared to a 10 percent death rate among the controls.
                  Again, that’s a death rate five times higher than normal – identical to the findings in the hamster study above.
                  Similarly, the rats were also growing more slowly, just like the hamsters, and their offspring also had lower birth weights. And again, when the rats’ offspring tried to reproduce, they too were found to be mostly sterile, but it happened sooner, with infertility striking the second generation of rats, as opposed to the third generation of hamsters.
                  Ermakova wanted to perform further studies to analyze the organs she’d collected from the study, but she never got the chance. Says Smith:
                  “She told me as we were sitting at the EU Parliament after giving a presentation there, that her boss had been pressured by his boss.
                  So, she was told to do no more GM food study on animals, her documents were burned on her desk, samples were stolen from her laboratory, and one of her colleagues tried to comfort her by saying, “Well maybe the GM soy will solve the overpopulation problem on earth.”
                  She wasn’t impressed.”
                  Neither am I.
                  However, she inadvertently stumbled upon further proof that GM soy wreaks havoc with reproductive health. She discovered that the rat chow being fed to all rats in the facility had been switched, so that all of it contained GM soy… Two months later she asked her colleagues whether or not they’d discovered any surprising changes in the infant mortality of their various studies, and yes indeed, they had!
                  Inexplicably, infant mortality in the animal studies performed at the National Academy of Scientific Laboratory in Moscow had skyrocketed to over 55 percent, sometimes higher.
                  There’s more evidence of reproductive health being harmed in various ways. Smith explains:
                  “[Ermakova] gave me a slide of a completely new study in which she fed male rats genetically modified soy, and it’s absolutely stunning.
                  On the left side of the slide is a pink testicle. On the right side of the slide, is a blue testicle.
                  She said that when the GM soy was fed to the male rats, it changed the color of their testicles from pink to blue, and you could see the cells on another slide, left to right, the structure of the cells in the testicle was different; a completely different blood flow.
                  And this reminded me of what they had studied in Italy, where they fed mice genetically modified soy and they also had changes in their testicles, including damage to the young sperm cells.
                  Now, if you’re damaging the young sperm cells, it could result in one of two things. They can result in infertility, or problems with the offspring.
                  Well, it appears that they may have had both.
                  In fact, with the mice, they looked at the offspring and they took the embryos out of the pregnant mothers and looked at how the DNA was functioning. And they compared the DNA of those who were born to GM soy-fed parents versus those who were fed non-GM soy and the DNA functioned differently.
                  So we’re seeing a fundamental change in the offspring of mice that were fed genetically modified soy, whose parents were also fed genetically modified soy.”
                  Other feeding studies using GM corn have also produced similar results. For example, mice fed GM corn had increasingly fewer and smaller babies the longer they stayed on the GM diet.
                  There are also plenty of reports about pigs, cows and other livestock having reproductive problems when fed genetically modified feed.
                  It’s important to realize that the key to ending the ongoing atrocity of GM foods lies not with government, but with you and me.
                  Consumers are going to have to drive GM foods out, and we CAN do it.
                  Through educating yourself, your family, friends and community about GMOs, and most importantly of all, through the food purchases you make, you can stop this unregulated science experiment.
                  Once we reach the tipping point, which is probably as little as five percent of the US population, the market WILL respond. They can’t afford not to!
                  Once enough people refuse to buy GM food products, it won’t be long before food manufacturers start switching their ingredients.
                  You CAN avoid GMOs, if you know what to look for.
                  First of all, remember there are eight genetically modified food crops:
                  Based on this list, anything containing soy or soy derivatives should be avoided, as well as anything containing corn, the most obvious ingredient being high fructose corn syrup.
                  The easiest way to avoid ending up with GM foods in your shopping cart is to do some pre-planning using this free non-GMO shopping guide.
                  The Institute for Responsible Technology has also created a free iPhone application that is available in the iTunes store. You can find it by searching for ShopNoGMO in the applications.
                  The shopping guide lists the various derivatives of each crop to be avoided, and even better, it lists hundreds of brand products in 22 food categories that are non-GMO, so if you’re still buying processed foods, at least you can easily select a brand that does not use genetically modified ingredients.
                  Getting into a shopping habit of continually avoiding GM food products will create pressure on the marketplace, without which there is little hope. So take this one step! Download the shopping guide, and make note of which brands to buy and which ones to avoid like the plague that they are.
                  Europe managed to reach their tipping point in April of 1999, ELEVEN YEARS AGO(!), within a single week of negative media which swayed the shopping habits of consumers enough for food companies to commit to stop using GM ingredients.
                  The idea that consumers have tremendous power is not wishful thinking. It’s an absolute fact.
                  Monsanto could probably be effectively bankrupted by the end of this year, if enough consumers were to take individual, proactive steps to avoid purchasing anything even remotely related to their business.
                  Another point that validates the effectiveness of this consumer-driven strategy is the progress we’re now seeing with high fructose corn syrup. Within the last few weeks, several major corporations have declared they’re taking HFCS out of their products due to consumer demand.
                  You can find loads of additional information about GMOs on the site www.ResponsibleTechnology.org.
                  There you can also order additional guides to hand out to friends, health care practitioners, and decision makers within your community, along with free online videos, pod casts, and articles that you can repost and republish.
                  Last but not least, I want to put out a call for a very special donation.
                  The iPhone application was created by someone who generously donated their time to make it, and if you or someone you know is a competent Android developer who is willing to assist in this cause, please contact info@ResponsibleTechnology.org.
                  You can also make financial donations on their website to help accelerate the tipping point against GMOs.

                  Monday, July 12, 2010

                  Dead Man Walking - Michael Perry's Last Letter from Death Row

                  My dear friend Dazza went to spend the last days of Michael Perry's life with him on Death Row in Texas. I didn't know the details of Michael's story, but I was moved by his last letter. He died July 1st, at age 28 for a crime he still claims he did not commit.

                  I think everyone should have a last letter. Based on Michael's, I do not think he deserved to die. Of course, as the saying goes, there are no atheists in fox holes.

                  It seems strange, really. He was accused and convicted of killing one person. Yet, just as an easy example, the effect on animals, humans, and our environment from the 80+day oil spill has to be so much greater than 1 person's life, and yet the people who are responsible for this oil spill will likely remain wealthy, free and alive. It seems not just unfair, but certifiably insane.

                  So, here is Michael's last letter. I was moved to tears.

                  Let me know what you think.


                  In Memory of Michael Perry
                  After a 7 year fight for his freedom Michael James Perry was finally executed on the 1st of July at 18.08pm in Huntsville Texas. He was pronounced dead at 18.17pm. 9 mins after the lethal injection. That is a long time for anyone to die. We can only hope it was painless. Certainly not humane. God bless his soul forever. With love from all his supporters




                  To my family, my supporters, the world,
                  Let us never forget...Love...Light...so so many smiles...We have all shared this together, or with someone in this world, at one time or another. So let us not forget the good times. Life is a battlefield, and as someone once put on my page, “even the strongest warriors, bleed on the battlefield...” Apparently, it is my time to bleed...
                  So be it, but wounds heal. Maybe not in this life, but in the next, be assured that my wounds, no matter how grievous, will heal...I will rejoice alongside my father, so let us not forget.

                  So many amazing people make up this world of ours, yet we tend to focus on so much negativity, hate, destruction...Why is this? When you open ANY newspaper today, what do you see? It’s all about crime, oil leaks, scandals, wars etc...so why would one even want to read such negativity??? Negativity will breed negativity, so the world remains in a negative state of affairs, Yes, so many wonderful people make up this world, trust me, i know...Iam friends with many of them :) A friend of mine from England, recently gave me one of the highest praises i think that i have ever received, when she compared me to Gandhi!!! But she reminded me of a famous quote of his “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”. If you want to change in this world, if you want to see peace, if you want your friends and family to come back home from a pointless and endless war, if you want the economy to recover, the change starts with you. If you don’t know how to love yourself, or others, how can you expect others to?? If you continue to make war with others, to praise and support violence, how can you expect the wars to end?? For us to find peace?? If you continue to handle your money, in a poor fashion, instead of enlightening yourself to your financial situation...if you continue to allow government to spend YOUR tax money, to ruin our economy etc etc...how can you expect change?? Change comes with you...

                  I have learned A LOT in my time as a hostage...i learned about corruption, and that it was not just in movies, when i was arrested, beat and sentenced to death, for a crime i did not commit. It’s irrelevant WHO committed it, i DID not. So i learned a lot that day, and the day i was sentenced...

                  I learned about unconditional love, when my mother and father stuck by my side, regardless of what horrible crimes i was accused of. At a time when they did not know what to believe, they gave it to GOD, and just loved me.

                  I learned about FAITH, that day, and many days to come, from my parents, as well. My father, may he rest in peace, told me a story one time...He said that he went to the church after my arrest, really torn up about everything, and he talked to our minister, who at the time i believe was Mike Lindstrom...He told him: “Mike, i don’t know what to do, my son is accused of a horrible crime, but even if he is guilty, i love him completely...” Can you imagine such a love??? Do you know what Mike said??? He said: “Now you know how God feels...” God loves each of everyone of us, no matter what we do...how many times we do it. He loves us. My father’s and mother’s love for me, is this great. But they taught me about faith, through their actions.

                  I learned about Texas death row, since i’ve been held hostage...i learned that its misrepresented...That politicians keep the public in the dark about many things. That it’s cheaper to give us life sentences, then to execute us... That its tax payers wasted money, spent on this...that, while death row was housed at Ellis unit in Huntsville, and had access to box cutters, straight razors, etc on a daily basis, they had less incidents of violence, then others locked in the same environment. NO TDC officer was ever murdered, according to my information, while DEATH ROW was open...yet, we are too dangerous so we must be slaughtered, like dogs with rabies???

                  I learned that the guys here on death row, have hearts as big, if not bigger, than most people i met while free. They will not let someone get hungry, they won’t leave people out, they will not allow people to feel sad or abandoned, and if you need it, all you have to do is ask...It was amazing to learn this. I was not on death row 30 minutes, when guys were sending me soap, toothpaste, food, clothes, etc etc everything i needed to make it until i could get on my feet...Never once asking me for something in return...these are the monsters you wish to slaughter...

                  I learned about the LAW, from a muslim friend of mine, named Adbullah (Randy Arroyo) who ended up getting a life sentence...He taught me how to fight my situation, how to be a man and not a child swinging blindly in the dark. He opened my eyes, and enlightened me to the tools at my disposal. I’ve since learned that the law, makes very little since. It’s not EXACT, it varies from situation to situation, no matter what politicians and D.A may try to tell you. My co-defendant got convicted of murdering three people, and got a life sentence; i got convicted of killing one person, and iam to be slaughtered for this, July first, at 6pm...Justice??? You decide, its beyond me...

                  I learned what TRUE love is, while on death row...Iam talking about a love that is strong enough to bring you to your knees...A love so strong that to this day, when someone says the name of my soulmate, it makes my heart jump. I learned what it meant to be willing to die for your soulmate, what having a “other half” means. I learned about the difference between love and lust. The difference between a REAL woman and a girl...I was taught that inner beauty can shine even brighter then outer beauty...I then learned that you should never take your other half for granted...you never know what life has in store...That you have to put your love before the “wants” and sinful desires of your heart. I learned this the hard way. I learned the pain of being separated from your soul mate, and eventually I learned how to “exist” without her. I cannot say that iam “living” because without her, i do not feel whole.

                  I learned what its like to have REAL friends, and people who care about you. What a honor it is to have such amazing people stand side by side with you in a struggle to save my life. The amazing feeling when someone writes you and tells you, “stand strong Michael, we believe in you!!!” How humbiling it is to have so many people, from around the world, tell me they believe in me, they are fighting and praying for me, and how i have touched and changed their lives...It’s priceless...To have people fly 5,000 miles, just to spend a few hours with me, behind some glass, talking through a phone??? Can you even imagine?? People that probably can’t even afford to do so, but care so much, they do it anyway...TRUE friendship...I have learned what TRUE friendship is.

                  I have learned the pain of losing someone you loved and respected more then any other man alive...the pain of losing my father. The greatest man i have ever met. The pain of realizing the famous saying “you never know what you had until it’s gone...” I had so many things, in my father...A role model, a friend, a teacher, a minister to my faith, a coach, a rock to lean on when i just could not do it myself, a protector, a guardian angel...My father was so many things, to me, and countless others. He touched everyone, and anyone that he knew. I learned this pain, in a very real way. I’ve lost my soulmate, i’ve lost the greatest man in my life...i’ve learned about pain, and loss, since being held hostage...

                  I’ve learned about strength. I have learned what the saying “real men cry” really means. That tears are not a sign of weakness, but they are signs of different forms of strength. Iam not held in a place where many share tears openly but those who do, are the strongest men in here, to me...I’ve learned that strength isn’t about the size of your arms and muscles, but the size of your heart and compassion...the size of your faith for Him, who created ALL...I learned what it means to truly care about all beings, all creations, a good friend from England taught me this recently and it was a very profound experience...you can ONLY live in the “now” so ONLY YOU can affect YOUR now...does it make any sense to you at all, to purposly create a negative “now”??? :) So smile, laugh, hug, jump for joy and click your heels! But do not be sad, do not be depressed, upset, mad, angry, frustrated, or any of the many tools of Satan, to spread negativity. Create your own “now”, as my friend Dazza taught me, and make YOUR “now”, a positive one, and you know what??? In turn, you effect everyone around you, to hopefully make their “now” positive as well. Be the change you want to see in others, in the world, as i said earlier.

                  I have learned about forgiveness, and the importance of being close to your family. Another lesson that i have learned recently. Seeing my family brought me such joy these last few days, its so hard to express. Seeing how much my cousins have grown, the bound between my aunt and my mother, how my brother has turned into a good man, someone iam proud to call my brother...and my mother...I don’t even need to speak on mighty mouse, for anyone that knows, understands. Haha as they say, where there is a great man, a greater woman can be found!!! Hahahah yea yea mom, don’t eat that up too much!! ;-) BUT i bet dad’s smiling !!! ;-)...Speaking of, i learned from my father, that a woman is ALWAYS right, and booooy was he right, jeez! ;-) My family is inspirational, and my father is still with us, in his own way, his presence will ALWAYS be felt, for he TRULY lead through his example and many have learned because of it.

                  I guess last, i have learned what it means to be at peace....complete peace with life, and possible death. I have zero fear, zero worries...I don’t believe in “no regrets”, to me that’s crazy!!! But iam at peace...iam a much better man, today, then i was in october 2001....Iam a MAN now, when then, I was , but a child who thought he was a man. Iam a even better man, thanks to all of you who have blessed my life with so much! First and foremost, My heavenly Father, who makes all things possible! My earthly father, you can now read my heart directly, words are not enough...mighty mouse, better known as mom ;-) I apologize for all the pain i have put you through, I just didn’t understand....

                  Ryan, we shared many good times bro, more than most people know, or would believe. I have seen a side of you that probably no one else has, and i can tell you how blessed I feel to have seen it, the REAL you. I wish that you would bless the world with that person, man, you would shock some people! ;-) you are SUCH a funny person!! Just today i was trying to explain how funny you were when it was just you and me, then when you showed up, BOOM the first damn thing you did, is make me crack up!! hahaha (when you were talking about the supreme court justice!) I love you Ryan, iam proud of the man you have become, please, please, don’t think that i love you less because of your years of distance...I understood, trust me. I’ve never regretted one time in my life, having you as a brother. I remember one time, when we lived in Kingwood. Me and some guys i don’t remember who, were trying to let the air out of another kids tires, not sure why, because its what kids did back then, but a BIG kid showed up, and asked us what we were doing, and the first thing that came to my mind was: “umm, do you know Ryan Perry??? Wellll...he is my big brother!” and i SWEAR to you, that kid turned around and went straight to school!!! Hahaha So even when you don’t know it, you are looking out for me. I pray that you will take care of mom, if i am to go and be with father. She is in great hands.

                  Anne & Jayne...i don’t know what to say...you two have turned into very beautiful women...ok ok ok YOUNG women ;-) I am very sorry that i brought this...drama into your lives. I did not ask for this to happen, and i apologize. I wish that we had more time, now that you two are back in my life. I have always kept track of you two, prayed for you etc...You may not have known, but i ALWAYS kept track of your lives, i knew when you broke up with Nick, Jayne, and wanted to kick his ass (ok ok, he would have probably hurt me, BUT, i would have talked bad to him on the phone!!!) Iam serious, i was pissed when i heard about it, even though i had no clue what happened ;-) Iam VERY glad that he manned up, and smartened up, and realized that he needed to put a ring on your finger before he lost the best thing that could have happened to him! It made me want to cry when today, as SOON as i mentioned you getting married, the biggest damn smile i have ever seen, was on your face!! :) THAT is the smile that i want to always be on your face, and NICK, if you’re reading this, you better keep that smile on her face, oooooor...i will HAUNT YOU!!! ;-) (by the way Nick, the sooners suck, go BIG RED!!!!)
                  Jayne, i remember all the good times we had, since your sister and my brother never let us hang out! Hey, now that i think about it...i remember when you hooked me up with the big chick! Hah, on the phone, remember??? When i was in Nebraska! I remember how you used to be like a fish and swim all the time at our house, remember always going to the movies with your mom, i even remember dancing with you at marnies wedding when we were REALLY young! I cherish all of our memories, and will take that image of your gigantic smile with me and share it with my father, with nanny, and watch over you always, as you grow in life, and hopefully have 10 grand babies for your mom and my mom to spoil!!!! ;-) Live life to the fullest, Jayne, always know you’re in my heart, thank you for being the cousin, and the FRIEND, that you were to me, and never looking down or judging me for my difficult times. May God bless you and Nicks marriage, for a long, long time!

                  Anne, Anne, Anne...see, iam gonna have to lecture you, because see, you just never told me about these parties! Ooow, you better be sooooo glad i can’t get a hold of that picture of your “slip” at “the” party! ;-) because i would have placed it allll over my facebook and myspace and said, HEY, ITS MY COUSIN!!! :) i can’t believe you did not slip my address to one of the bunnies!!! “psst, hey, you, the one with the big fake boobys, here is my cousins address, yea, i said address, not number, you see, he is, umm...kind of texas death row, but trust me, write him, he’s a catch!” hahahaha Why are you laughing at me?? Are you laughing at me Anne?? :) ok ok, so that won’t work...Oh crap, i JUST remembered the time when i umm...borrowed those ciggies from that store, and the guy you were talking to was the manager or something??? And i just straight pulled them out and said, hey, look what i got?? Haha OOOPPPSS!!! Ok ok, so that goes down as one of my not so bright moments, geez... :)...you have one of the biggest smiles of anyone i have ever known, you and your sister, but every picture i have ever seen of you, you are smiling so hard it looks like your neck hurts!!! That’s GREAT!! A smile is one of the most powerful things in the world, so continue to share your beautiful smile with the world, never take for granted how it can change lives. I pray that you can find true happiness like your sister has, but even if that’s not in marriage, just be happy with life! You truly seemed to be doing great, and that made me happy. Thank you for coming and testifying for me, for coming to visit me these last days, and for never looking down on me, you have always been a very special friend to me, and will always have a place in my heart, as i look down on you from heaven! And don’t worry, i won’t let you fall at the next party! ;-) I love you!

                  Aunt Joy...my second mother...you have always been there for me, and i was thinking the other day, have you ever been upset with me, i mean, in person?? I can’ remember a time you ever were, but i think that is just because you handled me so well. Always had a “plan” to keep us kids active, movies, sodas :) etc A LOT of my good memories, are with you and your daughters, while i was visiting for various reasons. The zoo where the monkey was eating the gum, included. Your house always felt like...home...to me, i always felt welcome, no matter what i had recently been into. Just like your daughters, you were always loving towards me, and never judgemental, i can’t tell you how much that meant to me, even if at the time, i took it for granted. Through the years, you have continued to be here for me. Most importantly to me, though, is the fact that you are the best sister anyone could ask for, towards my mother.

                  Wow, this is going to last me forever, isn’t it??? And i just know, if i leave someone out, they are going to feel bad, and i don’t want that...hmmm. Well, iam just going to have to make it short, i don’t have enough time, i have so many wonderful people in my life, i can’t possibly cover them all!

                  KEN, my brother and friend, we have had our ups and downs, but that’s what makes our friendship so much stronger. Because we have over come all of it. Without your help and support, i don’t even want to think what things would have been like! You got me so much support, legal, financial, moral, media, etc etc..it’s amazing! You are one man wrecking crew my friend! You were also my protector, never allowing anyone to disrespect me, my family, or friends, and iam so grateful for that! We have had some great times, you have always made me laugh, and allowed me to yell and beat you up in my letters, so i could feel better about myself!! :) Thank you for that, you know that it was never serious, right?? Pumpkin head?? I mean seriously, you do realize your head looks like a damn pumpkin, right?? ;-) haha ok ok, admit it, you laughed!? Hell, if my head looked like that, i would be crying!!! Hahaha ok ok, iam on a role, let me stop...you and me know, and that’s all that matters in the end bro, do you understand? We have fought the good fight, but never let these people take your happiness, hear me?? Never let them take your peace, because then, they have really won and we can’t let that happen, keep the fight alive bro, but don’t lose your peace, you have won the battle TWICE now, and you know what i mean, i am so proud of you for that, you can’t imagin! Don’t give in, keep fighting, lean on God, and you can’t go wrong. I may die on the first, but iam forever going to haunt you, you already know that! When your ceiling in the kitchen starts leaking again, that’s going to be me...well, nevermind ;-) but you get the pictures, iam not going anywhere but the next world up. Get yourself right with God, bro, and i will see you again in about 50 years! Thank you for always being there for me, always being understanding. You were definitely a real brother to me, I love you.

                  Marco, Stephanie, Darren, Natalia, Bev, Christina, Robin and everyone that right now, iam just too tired and worn out to remember, i know that there are so many of you out there! Please, know that i love each and everyone of you, and there really are not any words to express my gratitude, this is just my weak attempt at letting you know that are you are loved and appreciated.

                  Marco, brother, you know that i love you and appreciate all the spiritual strength that you always gave me! Iam going to go fishing in the clouds, and will see you again one day! KEEP THE FAITH!! Thank you for EVERY SINGLE PENNY you and your friends donated, please send my love to Friar Fabio, let him know that i go with God and with peace in my heart...Please let the commitee know that i thank them...they did what they could, and it’s not their fault, or the expert we hired. The expert proved i was innocent, the courts did not even read it...welcome to texas...

                  Stephanie, my babygirl, the lioness...i have not known you very long, but in the short amount of time i have known you, you have been AMAZING!!! If i would have met you earlier, you, Ken, and Emily could have really made some things happen, with Marco helping out as well. But it is not your fault, things happen in life for a reason. Do not be sad, continue life as it is, knowing that iam FINALLY at peace, and smiling down on you. I only pray, that for me, and for your salvation, you will listen to me, and your friend, and turn towards God, it is not easy, it takes discipline, and FAITH, but you are such a strong woman!!! I KNOW that you would make such a wonderful soldier for christ! I also hope that you will slow down...let life come to you, and don’t worry about anything but peace, and happiness for YOU, because you deserve it, YOU deserve it. I have learned that you have spent so much time making others happy, but you need to make stephanie happy...Stephanie is an amazing person.
                  I love you my friend, you are in my heart. MUAH!

                  Darren, mate, iam in the zone, iam in the “now”, i learned so much from you at your visit, it’s crazy!! What took you so long to come down!?!? Oh, yea, that was my fault! ;-) Nothing more needs to be said my brother...I just wanted to say one more time that i appreciate everything that you and Shelly did. I love you, and can’t wait to watch the movie from heaven!!

                  Natalia/Bev, you two really really stepped up at the end, when it mattered. Thank you so so much! Just like everyone else i wish that i had met you a long time ago, you are both wonderful people and i pray that you keep the fight going! Natalia, go for that new life, that new job that your soul and spirit is crying for! Not enough people listen to that inner voice to make a difference. As is obvious, this world NEEDS people to make a difference. You are so intelligent, so caring, and it’s very obvious that you have a big heart, share that with the world! Thank you for everything, thank you Bev for being a part of my life, letting your wonderful daughter be a part of my life. Keep the fight alive, iam just one person, but the death penalty is a evil that stains the world, it must stop.
                  All my love!! God Bless...

                  Christina...I regret not being around, if iam not, to see your beautiful baby! You are going to make SUCH a great mother!!! I just hope that one day you will finally realize how much of an amazing woman you truly are, from every single angel!!! You have been so much to me, for me...We are connected, you and me, that cannot change. Iam ALWAYS with you, just like you are always with me. Please, no regrets, because iam not upset at all, i understand that you could not always be there for me, but even when you THOUGHT you were not there for me, you were, trust me. I could always feel your presence. You have been, and always will be, one the of closest person in my life, to my heart. You will forever be my Gangsta Boo!!! ;-) I LOVE YOU

                  History is made by defining moments...moments that change lives...effect numerous people and how they look at life...But what defines, and defining moment??? We can chose when to make this “change” and that change can affect others. I ask of all, to make my murder, the defining moment in your life, that brings about change. In this, you steal from the state, from those that have hate in their heart, and you win...It makes my life, and my death, mean so much more than it would have. Every person that is touched and changed, in a positive manner, by my death, is a miracle created by this situation. I have had the VERY best lawyers i could EVER asked for...iam supported by the best family, the best friends, and iam an innoncent man, with the evidence that SCREAMS this. So what does this mean?? It means that it’s my time...it means that God is trying to make a point, he is trying to change the world, to use me and my situation as an example. Who are we to argue with HIM??? If HE says it’s my time, then it’s my time, period. Doesn’t matter if i have a thousand lawyers. I fully accept His call, i give myself 100% to Him and go with peace, and love in my heart and mind...Please let my situation spread peace, and love, within each and everyone of you. Make it a goal to make at least ONE person, i would rather 5 but at least one person, to smile or laugh every day. Raise that goal after a week, etc etc and spread the joy that my life, that my death, represents: CHANGE. That’s what i want my death to represent. A change in the way we think, act, live, love, etc...Through this change, we can all make a difference. You have to BELIEVE in it, my friends! Iam sitting here, at 11pm, on the 29th, less than 2 days to live, and i have a smile on my face, joy in my heart! I promise you that it can happen to all of you! and oh, what a wonderful and joyous feeling!?!?!? I have been in good home, i have been without a home at all, i have been loved, i have been raped, but never have i known anything like what i feel today, at this moment! And i just want to give each and everyone of you, in the world, a hug and say, i love you! SMILE! Be JOYOUS!! Why not?? It’s YOUR choice how you feel?? Times are hard, but hell, iam facing my own murder! We can not allow ourselves to be upset about that with which we cannot change...We have bills to pay, everyone hates bills, but they must be paid, yes?? So why allow that to take control of your “now”?? CONTROL your “now” and own it! Say I WILL BE HAPPY!!! I WILL SMILE! And then say IAM NOT TALKING TO MYSELF!!! Hahaha ok, see, i made you laugh, didn’t I ??? it’s that easy! Life is GOOD! Stand outside, and yell LIFE IS GOOD!! You are not crazy but ALIVE! A lot of people walking around are not alive, they just think they are, they are wasting time! Take my death, and CHANGE!!! Understand that not only can you change you, but you can use that change, to help others change! But it MUST start with YOU, that’s right, YOU! Look at my murder and say, this is not right! The politicians, judges, etc in texas, in the world, need to understand this, and send them some prayers, send them some love, and help make a change for the better...don’t yell at them, don’t curse them, don’t think bad thoughts about them, because thats counter productive.

                  Iam rambilling, and some of you are asleep! ;-) iam never far away, my friends! Think of me, and i will be there...talk to me and i will listen, ask of me something, and i will do my best to make it happen. Iam not leaving the fight, iam going to be with my father, and he’s going to teach me to sail in heaven, and iam going to teach him to play soccer! And together, we will help you bring joy and love to this world that so needs it! I can do more from heaven, than in here, my dear friends! Do not be saddened, but rejoice! I love all of you, never forget...

                  I will end this, but know this, IF my time comes, at 6pm, on the 1st, i will walk to my death with my head high, my eyes to the sky...and a smile on my face and in my heart!! They can not steal my smile, nor my peace! Just this body!!
                  In heart and struggle,
                  I remain with all that i am,

                  Michael James Perry

                  April 9th 1982 – July 1st 2010

                  If you'd like to know more, go to: http://savemichaelperry.info/