Last night I witnessed feats beyond the human imagination...
At least, beyond most female imaginations.
You see, ever since puberty I’ve heard comments from my guy friends and boyfriends about what they imagine women do when we’re alone together.
But I’ve never really heard women fantasize about what men do when they’re alone together. And according to a survey, women are 10 times less likely to fantasize about what men do together when there are no female witnesses around, than men are to fantasize about what women do together when there are no males around... At least according to the survey I did among my friends.
You see, what I’m referring to is Puppetry of the Penis. A show you’ve probably heard of and is exactly what it sounds like. Making puppets, or different shapes and objects out of a relaxed penis. (It's two male performers who have different names for the shapes and manipulations they put their poor members through.)
It was interesting, horrifying, amusing, and squeal-inducing. (I swear the audience of 80% women must’ve squealed about 22 times during the 45-minute show.)
But I left feeling like I’d seen enough penis for a while. Not only did I not want sex that night when I got home, but I wondered if the puppets might’ve created an aversion to all things phalic. Fortunately, I’ve recovered (as my birthday penis origami show was over a week ago now, even though I started writing this the next day), but I wonder how men would respond to vaginal origami. I’m not sure as much manipulation would be possible, since there’s less external material to deal with, but I wonder if it would completely turn men off. Or maybe men wouldn’t care.
No. They probably would. Most men I know get all squirmy at the mere mention of any nether-region itchy-ness, yeast, urinary tract infections... Forget about mentioning menstruation...they’d fumble their burger if you brought it up at lunch (I suppose the side of ketchup doesn’t help – ewww, right?). I’m lucky. My beau doesn’t get all squirrelly but he helps people with health, nutrition, weight, fitness and digestion, so he’s desensitized. But maybe he’s good at his work because he naturally doesn’t mind talking about these things. Yeah, it’s probably the latter. He actually likes talking about pooping with his clients because it’s so indicative of a person’s health and digestion.
As much as I had fun with my girlfriends on our adventure into penis-origami-world, I think once-in-a-lifetime is enough for witnessing the puppetry of the penis. Though the two stars of the show (the guys, not their wankers), were impressive in their boldness, flexibility (now we’re talking about their members), sense of humor and willingness to bare-it-all.
Well done boys and your side-kicks. But I probably won’t return for an encore performance.
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