Does anyone defecate in Downton Abbey?

I discovered Downton Abbey late, probably two years into the series. I covered both seasons within 3 weeks, binge watching as streaming and DVDs of television series now allows.

I just caught up on all but the final episode of the third season. I'll be watching that sometime this week before season 4 starts on January 5th, 2014...

But something just occurred to me.

Does anyone shit in Downton Abbey? Or even take a piss or wee?

The reason I ask is thus:

We've seen them in bed, at the dinner table (with a revolving door of guests), hunting, gaming (cricket), cooking, fighting, and even kissing & alluding to sex.

But I've not so much as seen a TOILET on this series.

And by toilet for that period, it could've very well been an outhouse.

Here's the other odd thing:

They seem intent on being true to the time period - with clothing & topical war commentary, and women gaining a higher status and louder voice...

So what about the toilets? What about urination and pooping and even the occasional wine-encouraged puking?

Where were the chamber pots or toilets or outhouses?

The series, though controversial and suggestive at times, is still quite prim and proper, so I understand why they wouldn't want to show - either visually or audibly - someone taking a dump or even pissing away! But I don't recall ever seeing or hearing anything about the less fun liquids & semi-solids coming out of the clan at Downton's nether-regions.

Please weigh-in below in the comments.

Maybe they have shown pissing and defecating, I've blocked it because they're all so prim and proper (even the house-staff with their uniforms and protocol) that maybe it would just be unseemly for any member of Downton to relieve themselves. Or maybe there's been a commode or toilet or outhouse in the background and I've forgotten that it was ever in-frame.

If you leave a comment, please share the season and episode so we all can find it!

Drenched in Music & Tears

Today I picked up my guitar after quite a long hiatus.

That's not entirely true.

I've been playing a little here and there these last few weeks.

But prior to a few weeks ago, it had been months... probably 6 months since I played.

One of my longer breaks from playing. My life has been in transition for a while now, and sometimes music gets put on the back burner.

When I was in my early twenties, playing 2-3 nights per week at open mics or gigs, I would've thought you were a crazy liar if you'd told me that in the future I'd go on 6-month music breaks.

My playing back then, while rooted in a love I still have for creating phonic art, carried an air of addiction.

Now I have other creative outlets and I don't crave playing or writing music like I used to.

So, I ended up with six months under my belt without picking up my guitar or tickling my ivories.

Not the first and probably not the last music hiatus I'll take.

Fortunately, I'm a bit like a child who grew up speaking a second language. Even if they don't speak it for a while, as soon as they're confronted with the foreign language again, something in their subconscious sparks and they understand and can speak it again, however rusty that foreign language may feel.

But today, I was looking through my songs that I keep lead sheets for, and about 4 songs in, I played "Come Back" aka "Drenched in Music" and I literally got choked up two-thirds of the way in.

Seriously?

I'm making myself cry with my own goddamn song? It's not like the lyrics are a surprise!?!

Why?

I'm asking myself. Why this song?

It's the song. Not my first song written, certainly not my last, but it's a love song about my first love. My very first love.

Here's a little video of "Come Back" or "Drenched in Music". (Vote in comments on which title you prefer.) The song has changed some since this video was recorded, but the essence remains the same.

When, who, and/or what was your first love?

CREDITS:

KATIE STRAND
Writer of the song
Girl in the video

ALLAN PALMER
Cinematographer
Director

MARCUS LOVEMORE
Fluffer

What do we really have to complain about?

Tonight I was in tears watching a 60 minutes episode about this children's orchestra in Praguay...

This very poor community is built upon a trash landfill, so the vast majority of work involves trash collecting and recycling.

The instruments are made out of recycled trash.

Many have already heard about this via youtube, video below. A documentary is being made about this remarkable community.

It made me weep.

I felt both inspired and horrified to see how much trash all of us humans are disposing of these days (and likely shipping from God-knows where to Paraguay), and because it made me think about all the small insignificant things I complain or get worked up about that are absolutely and totally unimportant.

I imagine the vast majority of us can relate to this phenomenon.

Louis C.K. talked about it a few years back, and I'm paraphrasing here, Everything's amazing. We have star-trek phones that go to space and we can connect with people all over the world... Look up information on a global information source. Everything's so great and nobody's happy!

These kids are showing up every day to music class to play instruments made of recycled trash.

Yet in this country, we are continually cutting music programs in schools. Meanwhile, this community atop a landfill cared so deeply about bringing music into their young people's lives, they found a way to make instruments out of their most readily available commodity. TRASH.

A regular, professionally made violin would cost more than the value of a home.


What, pray tell, do we really have to complain about?

Giving Up Future-Focus

Recently I realized that most of my life has been conducted with a Future-Focus.

Don't know if anyone else uses that terminology, but I'm coining it now.

Here's the sum-up of how this looked, in snap-shots throughout my life.

As a child, I was future-focused (henceforth FF) on growing up/getting older. Going from grade to middle to high school, then college, then onto a job/career.

Once in the career (music/songwriting as an understudy career; filmmaking as a primary career since it was easier to make money in filmmaking), the FF changed into getting higher positions and/or making more money.

At some point in the last few years I extracted myself from the typical rat-race and went back to school, not to further my career - which I'm sure would've made sense and been more "responsible" - but to improve myself. I got a master's degree in spiritual psychology and certified as a hypnotherapist. Sure, I thought maybe I'd shift careers into one of these professions, but I was also motivated by personal growth and transformation.

Were I outside of myself, I might think those aforementioned pursuits are a bit fluffy and self-indulgent, and while I have moments of pseudo-regret about spending all that education money on those post-grad degrees/certifications, I also feel like they've helped me a great deal in my life. Chances are I would NOT have been ready or even met Marcus had I not done the the MA in Spiritual Psychology. (I met people through the MA that 3 degrees later led me to Marcus.)

(One side-note. I think a great deal of the work done in that master's program should be mandatory education for people. We learn language, numbers, writing, history, but almost nothing about how to deal with the ups and downs, emotional and interpersonal relationships and all that shit that is a part of life for everyone. Here's the bullshit part - the school I went to, while it's great in many ways, it's accredited but not fully, so if I'm not sure I could legitimately teach a college psychology class. That's where most of my regret about that particular program/choice lives.)

But overall, without a doubt, the MA was a good choice.

I finished the MA in 2008, and even though that experience/degree helped me to begin my journey of letting go of the FF, it's taken me the five years since to appreciate why.

Many would say there's nothing wrong with goal setting or planning. In fact, most people would probably say it's a great thing to do!

But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about being so Future-Focused that we forget to be present. That we forget to live and enjoy and just be.

"Present" is a nice word and it's over-used these days. I wish I could find the clearest and most honest way to describe what I'm trying to express here...

Hmmmm.

Let me try:

Knowing, feeling and understanding what you would like for your future is fine. Being overly attached to it causes problems. Being happy with what is, right now, I believe is the only way to true happiness and contentment.

Maybe by giving up my Future-Focus I'm setting off into the great abyss. The great unknown.

Though I don't think that's true because certainly there are others who've practiced, cultivated and discovered the art of being present and happy now. Many monks, nuns, priests, and famous spiritual teachers talk about this very thing.

But I'm just me. Trying to find my smile, my joy, my bliss, right now... Or better said, trying to live in my smile, my joy, my bliss right now, and now, and....

Now.


I will say this one last thing. There's more love and warmth here, in the now.

My 60-Second Cure for Panic Attacks

Yesterday, I had a panic attack.

The truth is, I’m not even sure what specifically brought it on… I suppose it wasn’t one specific thing, but many things all converging at once to create the perfect mental, hormonal (chemical), and emotional storm within me and thus yielded a panic attack.

The last one I had, and I’ve had VERY few in my life – less than one hand-counts worth – was when Marcus got sick with peritonitis in March of this year. Peritonitis is an infection in one’s abdomen commonly associated with gunshot wounds. It's something peritoneal dialysis patients are especially at risk for and it can be deadly if not treated quickly enough. We'd already been to the hospital and he was on antibiotics, but I woke up in the middle of the night hyperventilating, gasping out things like, “Two is not enough.” “We need more than just us.” “You can’t die on me.” “What would I do without you?” “Tribes are better.” And the kicker, “I don’t want to do any of this without you.”

No, I wasn’t espousing song titles or James Bond books, but the random panic-addled thoughts that were occurring to me as I gasped and sobbed out my fears of losing my partner, my man, the love of my life…

But there was actually a deeper philosophical thing that I couldn’t articulate at the time, considering I could scarcely breathe! Our society currently encourages nuclear-family-ness and relative isolation. When economic or housing-market troubles happen, the nuclear family is hit hardest. All of us have heard about extended families having to live together because of financial woes. I often think the tribal system was actually better – when the extended “family” of your tribe would help each other out. Each tribe had elders, healers, seamstresses, chefs and warriors, (or the tribal equivalent) and essentially the tribe would ensure no one would go hungry or homeless or hurt without help and support.

Towards the end of yesterday’s panic attack, I said to Marcus, “I don’t think tribal people had panic attacks.”

"Probably not," he replied.

Years ago I read the book “The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight” by Thom Hartman. Hartman talks about his research into nomadic, indigenous, tribal people having the reverse of what we have in our modern society – an abundance of free time. He estimated that pre-modern tribal people had approximately 80% free time because they all worked together for food and shelter. When it was time to relocate the camp, all would work together, but once set up, apparently they had a lot of free time. Time for dancing around the fire, making ornamental clothing or costumes (probably for dancing around the fire), playing drums and music, and generally playing. As much as I wish I could find a way to actually observe these cultures, the majority of them have been wiped out by death, disease, or assimilation into modern “society.” I can’t help but think maybe that way was better. Well, all that was sort of bubbling up out of me during that panic attack.

Marcus comforted and supported me through it, and within 30 minutes it had subsided.

This one yesterday was similar, but it was daytime and it was brought on by… worrying! Pretty much the same thing as the other one, but less specific. Money. Where & when we’ll live or move. Work. Money. Water. Dumping (of waste). Heat. Money. Heat.

Did I mention it’s been unbearably hot lately?

This is my first time really living in a desert-type climate, or in extreme heat. All the places I’ve lived cap out around 85-90°F in the summer. I grew up where we rarely saw temperatures above 85°. Sure, I’ve visited Death Valley and Florida in the summer, and it was miserable at times, but I always had AC on 100% of the time where I was staying (what other option is there at 105°F??), and only visited these places. 

In June we moved to “the valley” of Los Angeles.

Plainly put, the valley of Los Angeles (aka San Fernando Valley) is hotter than the devil's scrotum.

If witch's tits are the coldest of cold things, I figure devil's scrotum's are the hottest of hot.

The valley is in the northeastern part of Los Angeles, and it’s away from the ocean, over the small coastal mountains and shielded from the lovely ocean's cooling breezes. But the valley is where we found a lovely, ranch-style place with a horse, two goats, chickens and a llama, to park our RV and live until we move to the rocky mountains.

And since we’re running our RV on 90% solar (trying to use the generator only when necessary), we ration our air conditioning.

So far we’ve made it work, but the heat makes me feel crazy. Maybe I’m having minor heat stroke, but I feel like I can’t function or think with the heat once it gets above 95°F. Forget about it when it's 105° with 60% humidity, which it has been lately!

Oh, did I forget to mention that I was also PMSing?!

Now here’s the shitty part about my PMS. Even if I’m aware that I’m premenstrual and hormonal, and I usually am because I track my cycle, and it’s creating mental and emotional unrest... That doesn’t necessary help ease the emotional shit-storm caused or exacerbated by my hormonal imbalance. Fuuuuucck! Right?

Now most of you know that I’ve made a commitment to do a yoga routine (The Tibetan Five/The Fountain of Youth) and meditation every day. While I’m not perfect about doing it every single day, my commitment (from more than 5 months ago) is still intact, and part of my practice is to be kind and gentle with myself if I miss a day here or there. I’m at about 90% and I notice the practice helps tremendously with my mood and general feelings of well being. In the last month or so, I started using binaural beats in my meditation. Binaural beats are two contrasting beats listened with headphones that encourage the brain to go into different brain-wave states depending on the hertz. I’ve done mostly theta and alpha. Alpha is a waking but relaxed state, theta is deep relaxation just before sleep.

Well, the goddesses must’ve been whispering in my ear yesterday (though it took me a few hours to listen) because after the panic attack and most of the day feeling up and down, but mostly down... I put on my headphones (at Whole Foods, no less), intending to just check if my new binaural beats application was actually working properly.

I’m not kidding, after only about 60 seconds my state changed. I set it for “relaxation (alpha)” with the frequency at 10 hz and base tone at 266 (Bb) hz.

Almost instantly I felt lighter and calmer and… well, giddy, but relaxed! It was amazing!

After about 5 minutes, my neck and shoulders dropped inches as I relaxed. I wandered around Whole Foods feeling like a kid. Looking at stuff, wanting to try stuff, dancing and goofing around. I probably seemed high to any on-lookers.

It’s explained as this (by dear Marcus): The PMS adjusts your hormones which adjusts brain chemistry which adjusts brain waves, which governs perception.

It really was the perfect storm for a panic attack or melt down.

Listening to the alpha binaural beats helped my brain come back to a more relaxed brain wave state.

Now this may sound all fluffy and hippy-dippy to some of you, but I’m telling you it fucking worked for me.

Amazing!

Here’s the crazy part. Meditators will practice meditation for thousands of hours and many years before being able to consciously go into a meditative state – usually alpha or theta. Reportedly, monks who’ve been meditating for 50+ years can achieve a waking delta state (sleep state) and can bilocate and levitate and shit like that. Well, these dual tones create the brain chemistry that mimics meditation… BUT, most people can’t stay awake when listening to delta so you probably won’t be able to bilocate or levitate. Sorry! But it should help you relax or really relax or sleep or focus, depending on which hz you listen to.

Fucking technology can be great sometimes.

For anyone who’s interested, the one I used yesterday was “binaural beats” and the icon is black with thin red and blue sound waves. The name/creator is Adlai Holler.

Please let me know how it goes.

Making Lemonade... Or planting a lemon tree!

For the first time in my life, I have been robbed!

Physically, I'm fine. Emotionally and mentally; I'm a little distraught; though that seems to be decreasing every moment.

Anyone need more details?

Basically I purchased a used, 6 month old apple laptop computer from a classified ad I found on craigslist. The guy was supposedly a student and he needed a bigger screen and computer.

With the preamble above, I'm sure you've all guessed that the computer turned out to be stolen.

Basically, I brought it into the apple store because the DVD player wasn't working. Somehow the old user name came up, apple called them once the repair was done and the original owner called the police as it was stolen with other things from their apartment.

Original owner gets their computer back eventually, which is great because I had a wallet returned to me years ago from a New York City cab. Yes, New York City! The magnanimous cabbie actually called my credit card company, they called me and I got my cards and ID back. Amazing! Also, I hadn't noticed until my bank called so I didn't even go through the emotional turmoil of losing my wallet!

So, even though I'm screwed out of the money spent on the classified laptop, I'm doing a good deed by getting the original owner their property back.

Good karma vibes or something if you're into that.

If you're not, maybe you're into lemonade or lemon trees.

Now I'm a little embarrassed about a) my naïveté at buying and trusting from online classified ads, though I've never had anything like this happen before, and b) the fact that I was so disappointed & sad that I actually shed a few tears about this... Yes I cried over a stolen computer! It carries more financial weight than spilled milk, but requires less towels (and more money & FireWire cables) to clean up.

I've learned that if I allow myself to feel whatever I'm feeling about something, I'm able to let go and move on more quickly.

So I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons, but I hope I'm leaning more towards planting a lemon tree for a lifetime of lemonade.

It would've been worse if I were personally robbed or hurt. I've still got my health and my practices and my sense of humor and though it's unlikely I'll buy anything over $50 on craigslist, lesson learned, I still genuinely see the good in people. In fact the detectives who are handling this have been extremely kind and understanding about the whole thing.

So... Lemon trees. I'm planting lemon trees.

40 days

Jesus went into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.

He refrained from eating food and supposedly water.

He went to battle satan...

I think he went to battle his own inner demons.

Satan in the bible is an allegory to one's ego.

Taking another queue from Jesus (the blog about Stand Up Paddleboarding features Mr. Christ as well), I decided to check in with you all on my 40 day mark.

Today marks my 40 days in a row, without skipping one day, of my daily practice of yoga and meditation.

I've done more than 40 in the past, I think I got into triple digits a few years back when I was practicing kundalini yoga every morning, but I'm doing this as the person I am now, and it has been.... life- and state-altering.

It's subtle sometimes, but altering nonetheless.

I'm kinder to myself, and that alone is worth the practice.

But I'm also growing at a more rapid pace - blowing through my own self-inflicted barriers and old shitty beliefs.

I have more courage to do and say things I didn't want to say or even think before.

I'm becoming the person I always wanted and wished to be.

My yoga practice is typically The Tibetan Five, though sometimes I throw in some kundalini as well. My meditation is 10 minutes of sitting zazen, a zen meditation with hands set together in a vessel, thumbs gently touching. (Zazen Instructions from Zen Mountain Monastery.)

Many of the 40 days I didn't want to do it. But I did it anyway, because I know this practice is vital to my sanity.

I'm in the personal business of spending time and energy on maintaining my sanity.

But not just that - I also see it as supporting or cultivating my levity, my peace, my happiness, my joy, my equanimity.

e·qua·nim·i·ty  /ˌēkwəˈnimitē/

Noun Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, esp. in a difficult situation.

Synonyms composure - calmness - poise - serenity - self-possession

It's working, but much to my dismay, it requires more than just 40 days. So I will continue. This is my commitment to myself. 

How do you show up for your own happiness, peace, joy and equanimity?

What would that look like?

This has been my favorite question lately.

What would that look like?

I use it when I'm being stubborn, or pissy, or irritated, or annoyed.

It helps me to fake it until I make it.

Anyone confused or unclear what the fuck I'm talking about?

Let me splain. There is no time. Let me sum up.

Lately I've been afraid about our pending move to Colorado - afraid about the money we're spending (investing) to set ourselves up to live on our land, afraid about the change, and then I come back to being afraid about the money.

So I ask myself, "what would it look like if I felt equanimity about this?"

I try to channel that image, that ideal scene about myself.

It puts me in a different state. Points me in the direction of the person I aspire to be.

Now, there's nothing wrong with who or what I am, but part of being me, part of what helps me to love life and feel engaged and connected is to grow and learn in who I am and how I am in the world.

Maybe a more tangible example will help clarify.

I did this yesterday while stand-up paddle-boarding. It was a particularly windy day and the wind-made waves were splashing on me as I was fighting both wave and wind to get back to the dock.

Every other time I've gone out in these kinds of conditions I become exhausted from the effort, but I also find myself cursing the wind for being so windy!

Now let me just tell you, cursing the wind is about as effective as yelling at a mountain to be shorter.

In the past I used to also stay standing 95% of the time - even though it's harder as it creates a larger surface area for the wind to blow against - counteracting all the vigorous paddling.

So when I asked myself what would it look like if I just enjoyed this - had a good time with it and approached it as a challenge instead of an annoyance?

Answer: I'd sit or kneel if that made the journey easier or more enjoyable. (Why am I trying to do things the hard way anyway!?!)

Answer: I'd enjoy the way it felt to exert, to paddle strong and feel my muscles burn.

Answer: I'd breathe to help give myself more paddling power, and I'd breathe to stay present and aware.

I was still exhausted at the end of paddling in, the headwind was at least 10 mph, but I wasn't even close to feeling as irritated as I had on previous paddling adventures.

So...

How about you?


What would it look like ___________________ ? (Fill in the blank with how you'd rather be or do things.)


Try it out & let me know how it goes.

Kindness - A Way of Life

Well, it turns out I was wrong.

On many levels, but especially on thinking that two months, or 60 days, was going to do it for a kindness fast.

Let me back up, but I warn you this will be brief and largely un-revised, as I'm working from home today, and my work is just about done and I'll be heading to the water to stand-up paddleboard (SUP). Yay!

I just finished a 60-day intentional Kindness Fast that I wrote about on an KSW blog.

It worked....

Sort of.

I find with the spiritual, emotional, and mental realm, predictions rarely come true and fortunately things usually turn out better than I could've predicted anyway.

Basically, I realized how unkindly I speak to myself on a regular basis. And I've done hundreds of hours of training, meditation, yoga and personal growth work. I'm not trying to boast, I'm just trying to illustrate this point, if I'm mentally saying unkind things to myself on a regular basis, maybe some of you out there are too...

The kindness fast accomplished this thing more than any other - I became even more aware of my inner dialogue. I'm probably more kind to myself than I was 2 months ago (and to Marcus, it has to be said), but the awareness of some of the subtle ways I was internally berating myself is priceless.

But I'd like to be more kind, happy a greater percentage of the time, more light-hearted and non-attached than I am, even after this 60-day kindness fast thingy.

I knew this a few days ago, but neglected to share it on this blog, so I'm sharing now. When I realized the two month kindness fast wasn't enough, I knew I needed to create a new way of life, a new way of being if this kindness thing was going to take hold.

So, I'm doing something I like to call a morning tune-up or tune-in.

I've done this before, but now I think I understand it better.

Every morning, before eating (this is important since I love to eat and am probably hypoglycemic & get a little screwy if I don't eat), I do the Tibetan Five, and depending on how I'm feeling, some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - I have no blog on it yet, so google yourselves, bitches!), and a ten minute zen meditation.

Tibetan Five (aka The Fountain of Youth)
EFT
10-minute zen meditation

Also, when I'm feeling overwhelmed or overrun by my emotional state, I stop when I'm doing and do a quick EFT session. I've done this twice in the car already.

It's been helping me, a lot.

And, I realized, like every dieter must realize at some point, that if I want to have success with a more joyful, calm, kind, contented and equanimity-filled existence, it must become a way of life, not a 1-2 month temporary change in eating....er, I mean being.

The other thing worth mentioning - I'm not happy 100% of the time. Even when I've had extended periods of bliss that lasted a few days, I realize that happiness or what I'm seeking is not about being happy 100% of the time. It's about letting the negative or unpleasant emotions happen and move through and letting go so it flows through me and doesn't last; so I don't hold onto it and I can return to contentment and joy.


So there you go. I'm off to SUP. Yay!

Fear is Not a Reason

This morning, as I was going about my routine, my mind wandered to an upcoming interview Marcus and I will be doing about our Colorado project.

The interviewer will ask me:

Do you feel afraid about what you are doing?

Yes. I feel afraid.

Fear, in my experience, is less mind-altering and daunting if I merely admit I feel it the moment I become aware that I'm feeling it.

Marcus and I are embarking on something that is not only unique, but also could be called brave and/or foolish!

Does anyone out there not know what we're doing? Go to chiworldwide.org after reading this blog for a glimpse into it.

I do think if we had more money at our disposal, it might be less daunting, and would probably quell the warnings issued by our friends and family.  But we are working within the budget we have and trying to have enough money left over to live on (because we are not yet generating the income we would need to do everything...), take care of his mother, and have a chunk of money for Marcus's healing intensive (a planned 2-month intensive that will cost at least $20,000 in equipment, supplements, and treatments, and we hope will wake up and heal his kidneys).

But until we have more capital at our disposal, we are moving forward with the money we currently have access to.

Here's one of the things that boggles my mind. Money is made up. It only has power and works as a currency because we all agree on it's value (a value which is currently in decline). I read the book Alive as a teenager and remember the plane crash survivors using cash as fuel for fire. Cash was absolutely useless as currency to the people trying to survive in the Alps, so they used it as fuel because it burned well. Currency only has value because we've given it meaning and agreed upon it's value.

Marcus and I are doing something that the vast majority of our peers are not doing. As humans who evolved as tribal and communal bipedal mammals, whenever we go against the majority, it's noticeable to say the least.

But my fear isn't just that we're going against the grain. My fear is about failing or going broke because we're embarking on an adventure that has so many unknown variables and I am someone who thrives on logistics and information and planning.

So I do my practices. Breathe. Meditate. Yoga. Tibetan Five. Run... for exercise. Talk to Marcus. Write. Break down, cry and throw a fit. (Not a deliberate part of my practices, but an element nonetheless.) I do one thing at a time. Then I rinse, and repeat.

I feel the fear. Breathe into it. Let it permeate and circulate.

I get inside and analyze it. 

I realize fear is confusing.

I write about it. 

I share about it.

The confusion of fear is this; my answer to the question above is this:

Yes, I feel fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of being penniless and starving and destitute.

But fear is confusing.

Fear can be an important indicator of danger or of something that threatens life, loved ones, health or well being.

But fear can also be felt when embarking on a new adventure, a new way of being, a new project, a new...anything!

Fear can be good. Really good. A sign of growth, or potential growth.

Fear alone is not a valid reason to NOT do something. Fear for me now that I've practiced feeling it, analyzing it, and allowing it to permeate and circulate, is a reason to pay attention. Fear is a reason to become more aware.


 In fact, it usually means what I'm doing is really important and worth doing.

Again, fear is not a reason to NOT do something.



What do you fear?


What are you afraid of?


What is most important to you?


What do you dream of doing - if you weren't afraid and if money wasn't an issue?


Who are you because of fear?


Who would you be without it?

No Breath, No Life

Over the years I've done varying forms of yoga. Kundalini is one of my favorites because it keeps the breath intrinsically tied to any movement, whereas other yogas are often taught without including the breath. I think all yoga started with the breath being the most important aspect, and the movements and exercise being secondary in importance, but it seems modern generation loss, teachers and agendas have changed that.

Kundalini also brings energy, healing and spiritual elements and transformation into the practice. After most sessions, whether at home or in a class, I felt a tingling at my crown chakra and had a lightness to my body and being. Many would call this experience a mini kundalini awakening. I don't know for sure what it was, but I will admit, I liked it.

I've enjoyed branching out, trying various yogas and even The Tibetan Five aka the Fountain of Youth, one of my favorite practices, period, but also one of my favorites for a busy lifestyle. You can do anywhere from 3 to 21 reps, and they take less than 15 minutes.

I have also done Bikram (hot) yoga and Iyengar (healing) yoga. 

Both good. I caution people with Bikram because I've known of many people getting hurt doing Bikram, as the temperature can get so hot in the room, it can prevent you from feeling when you're overdoing something. Marcus calls it the fast-food yoga because it's spread throughout the country, it's commercialized, and it's the same exact series of movements at every studio, regardless of the teacher or location. (Think about the appeal of fast food - you get the same thing, the same menu, the same taste, whether you eat it in Tucson or Syracuse - but it also can make you severely unhealthy and if you leave a fast food hamburger out, it doesn't decompose. If nature doesn't want to eat it, why would you?)

Bikram (from http://www.bikramyoga.com/BikramYoga/yoga_glossery.php)
Bikram Yoga: A rigorous form of Yoga performed in a room heated to at least 95 degrees. Each posture in the sequence is designed to safely stretch and open the body, in preparation for the next posture.

Iyengar I recommend for anyone because the teachers are trained to be very precise and careful with the movements and postures in the interest of proper alignment and healing. Less chance of getting hurt, higher chance of coming back because no matter what level you are, you'll have props and accoutrements to help you exactly as you are. 

Iyengar (from http://www.iyengar-yoga.com/iyengaryoga/)
Mr Iyengar has systematised over 200 classical yoga Asanas and 14 different types of Pranayamas (with variations of many of them) from the simple to the incredibly difficult. These have been structured and categorised so as to allow a beginner to progress surely and safely from basic postures to the most advanced as they gain flexibility, strength and sensitivity in mind, body and spirit.

I taught yoga for a while during college and just afterwards. I loved teaching mostly because I liked helping people - hearing how they've grown or improved or gotten healthier. It made me realize that maybe it's not about teaching for me, but more about inspiring myself and others in their own lives to grow, change, learn, be more present or loving or compassionate or healthy now than they were a moment ago. 

So... I got a master's degree in Spiritual Psychology. Then I got certified as a Hypnotherapist.  Mostly because I felt compelled to learn about and grow within myself and to help others. But also because I was searching for what I was meant to do.

For many, many years, most of my life or for as long as I can remember (whichever is longer), I wanted to be a singer, a songwriter, and a professional musician.

But in the last few years I realized the following.

Who am I to know exactly what my life is supposed to look like?

How do I know exactly how it's supposed to go?

The reason those two questions come up and repeat is simple. Whenever I've conjured an idea about how something is supposed to go - it often  goes differently and almost always better than I could've imagined. Marcus is like that. He's better than I could've imagined for myself. I had some ideas - I wanted someone who I could say anything to, and I wanted someone as invested in their own mental, spiritual and physical health as I am...  I used to say it'd be nice to find someone who I'm compatible with mind, body and soul.

But back to my purpose...

When I check in with myself, in meditation or moments of tapping into some ethereal, other force/source/entity, the message I get back is, think bigger.

My ego/reactive mind says, how could it get any bigger than being a professional, successful singer/musician/songwriter/rock star?

But I know enough to breathe and listen to that calm, unattached, jovial voice telling me to think bigger.

Maybe my purpose is to inspire myself and others. 

Maybe it's not specifically about music or singing, but about something closer to breath, presence, inspiration, teaching and growing.

So I was looking around, because I often get an itch to learn and explore more and remembered laughing yoga. I found this website and might get certified in yet another thing. Laughing Yoga. Teacher. Inspire-er.

Their website has this statement that I thought was worth sharing.

What shifted in you as you grew? 

What childhood ideas about who you are or what you should do have changed?

Do you laugh every day?

Do you think about your breath every day?

Source: http://www.universalyoga.org/index.html

YOGA OF BREATH

BREATH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE. NO BREATH, NO LIFE. WE MUST WORK CONSTANTLY TO MAKE OUR BREATH VERY STRONG THROUGH DEEP BREATHING EXERCISES, RETENTION OF BREATH, AND CONCENTRATION & FOCUSING ON KEEP IN THE NASAL PASSAGES CLEAN AT ALL TIMES. THE STRONGER YOUR BREATH BECOMES, THE STRONGER YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM IS AND THERE IS LESS OF A CHANCE OF BECOMING SICK OR DISEASED. THROUGH PROPER YOGA ASANAS & BREATHING YOU CAN BECOME HEALTHY, HAPPY AND RELAXED. YOU NEED THE RIGHT TEACHER WHO CAN TEACH YOU THE POWER OF THE BREATH. THAT IS WHAT YOGA IS. SHOP AROUND. YOGA IS NOT STRETCHING, STRESSING & DANCE MOVES. YOGA IS CLEANSING THE BODY, BREATH, AND MIND OF NEGATIVE ENERGY SO YOU CAN FOCUS ON TRUTH & CONSCIOUSNESS. NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS. ONE MUST DO SAHDNA & LEARN TO MEDITATE.

Easy To Judge

Recently I tried to watch a movie about Afghanistan, a fictional movie called Osama. I stopped within 15 minutes of the start – it just wasn’t a style of filmmaking I like, as it was a bit frenetic and the storytelling was all over the place. But the subject matter is something that interests and devastates me alike. The subject matter was about women in Afghanistan and how poorly they’re treated and regarded in society. Women aren't allowed to work. Without a husband, brother, father or grandfather to work for the family, starvation and poverty are rampant, especially among the numerous families who have lost the men in their lives because of war.

No one can downplay the hardship on the women of Afghanistan and any country where women are veiled, burqa-ed, abused, circumsized, stoned, arrested and jailed for doing things that are considered basic human rights in other places (gathering, walking around, asking questions and speaking out against their oppression), and prevented from working, driving, and otherwise participating as a normal human and citizen of their country.

According to now.org

On Sept. 26, 1996, women were 70% of the school teachers, 40% of the doctors, 50% of government workers and 50% of the university students — what a difference a day makes! Today, a woman must be accompanied by a male relative in order to leave the confines of her home. When a women is outside the home she is compelled to wear a head to toe covering called a "burqa," with only a small mesh opening over the eyes to facilitate a limited view of the outside world. It is important to note that the peripheral vision of Afghan women wearing burqas is so restrictive that many have been injured due to poor visibility.
Women have been beaten for showing a bit of ankle or having noisy shoes. Women are not allowed to speak in public and any female from puberty until death may only speak to men who are relatives. Homes in which women reside must have all the windows painted over to obscure view.

Beaten for having noisy shoes.

Not allowed to speak in public and not allowed to speak to a male other than male relatives.

Seriously?

There's more. 

Health care is virtually nonexistent for women, and journalists report that the girls living in the Kabul orphanage have not been let outside since the edict was issued. Tens of thousands of families are starving. In the city of Kabul alone there are 40,000 widows who can no longer work to support themselves and their families. Some widows are fortunate enough to have male children who can beg for the family. Others sit in dark houses praying for humanitarian aid which can only be delivered to them by a male intermediary. Many are eating grass, suffering from skin diseases due to the lack of sunlight and dying due to starvation and untreated illness.

It seems we, as humans, have outdone ourselves. I haven't heard of any creature in the animal kingdom with such strict and, let's be honest, ridiculous and enforced rules regarding gender.

But...

It’s easy to judge these countries as horrific examples of how to treat half their citizens.

But it wasn’t all that long ago that our country did horrible things to women trying to work.

I caught part of the movie North Country recently.

The way the female miners were treated by many of their male coworkers was absolutely disgusting and despicable.

I acknowledge that we are more progressive in many ways on gender equality than other countries, but women reportedly still get paid less for the same job as men. Our country still won’t allow gay people to get legally married (save a few states - thank you Conneticuit, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Washington, Vermont and D.C.). How is that anything other than discrimination?

It was made legal to marry interracially in 1968. That’s only forty-five years ago! That's a short enough time ago that a large number of people alive today remember when it happened.

It’s easy to judge, but step back, put on a wider lens, then do something. Whatever you feel compelled to do.

Years ago I was involved with an organization that supports women’s rights locally and internationally. Over three years (in college, no less), we raised over $30,000 for women’s shelters and charities.

I think it’s time for me to get involved again. I’m not sure how, but I’ll write about it when I do.

Step back.

Put on a wider lens.