What would that look like?

This has been my favorite question lately.

What would that look like?

I use it when I'm being stubborn, or pissy, or irritated, or annoyed.

It helps me to fake it until I make it.

Anyone confused or unclear what the fuck I'm talking about?

Let me splain. There is no time. Let me sum up.

Lately I've been afraid about our pending move to Colorado - afraid about the money we're spending (investing) to set ourselves up to live on our land, afraid about the change, and then I come back to being afraid about the money.

So I ask myself, "what would it look like if I felt equanimity about this?"

I try to channel that image, that ideal scene about myself.

It puts me in a different state. Points me in the direction of the person I aspire to be.

Now, there's nothing wrong with who or what I am, but part of being me, part of what helps me to love life and feel engaged and connected is to grow and learn in who I am and how I am in the world.

Maybe a more tangible example will help clarify.

I did this yesterday while stand-up paddle-boarding. It was a particularly windy day and the wind-made waves were splashing on me as I was fighting both wave and wind to get back to the dock.

Every other time I've gone out in these kinds of conditions I become exhausted from the effort, but I also find myself cursing the wind for being so windy!

Now let me just tell you, cursing the wind is about as effective as yelling at a mountain to be shorter.

In the past I used to also stay standing 95% of the time - even though it's harder as it creates a larger surface area for the wind to blow against - counteracting all the vigorous paddling.

So when I asked myself what would it look like if I just enjoyed this - had a good time with it and approached it as a challenge instead of an annoyance?

Answer: I'd sit or kneel if that made the journey easier or more enjoyable. (Why am I trying to do things the hard way anyway!?!)

Answer: I'd enjoy the way it felt to exert, to paddle strong and feel my muscles burn.

Answer: I'd breathe to help give myself more paddling power, and I'd breathe to stay present and aware.

I was still exhausted at the end of paddling in, the headwind was at least 10 mph, but I wasn't even close to feeling as irritated as I had on previous paddling adventures.

So...

How about you?


What would it look like ___________________ ? (Fill in the blank with how you'd rather be or do things.)


Try it out & let me know how it goes.

Kindness - A Way of Life

Well, it turns out I was wrong.

On many levels, but especially on thinking that two months, or 60 days, was going to do it for a kindness fast.

Let me back up, but I warn you this will be brief and largely un-revised, as I'm working from home today, and my work is just about done and I'll be heading to the water to stand-up paddleboard (SUP). Yay!

I just finished a 60-day intentional Kindness Fast that I wrote about on an KSW blog.

It worked....

Sort of.

I find with the spiritual, emotional, and mental realm, predictions rarely come true and fortunately things usually turn out better than I could've predicted anyway.

Basically, I realized how unkindly I speak to myself on a regular basis. And I've done hundreds of hours of training, meditation, yoga and personal growth work. I'm not trying to boast, I'm just trying to illustrate this point, if I'm mentally saying unkind things to myself on a regular basis, maybe some of you out there are too...

The kindness fast accomplished this thing more than any other - I became even more aware of my inner dialogue. I'm probably more kind to myself than I was 2 months ago (and to Marcus, it has to be said), but the awareness of some of the subtle ways I was internally berating myself is priceless.

But I'd like to be more kind, happy a greater percentage of the time, more light-hearted and non-attached than I am, even after this 60-day kindness fast thingy.

I knew this a few days ago, but neglected to share it on this blog, so I'm sharing now. When I realized the two month kindness fast wasn't enough, I knew I needed to create a new way of life, a new way of being if this kindness thing was going to take hold.

So, I'm doing something I like to call a morning tune-up or tune-in.

I've done this before, but now I think I understand it better.

Every morning, before eating (this is important since I love to eat and am probably hypoglycemic & get a little screwy if I don't eat), I do the Tibetan Five, and depending on how I'm feeling, some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - I have no blog on it yet, so google yourselves, bitches!), and a ten minute zen meditation.

Tibetan Five (aka The Fountain of Youth)
EFT
10-minute zen meditation

Also, when I'm feeling overwhelmed or overrun by my emotional state, I stop when I'm doing and do a quick EFT session. I've done this twice in the car already.

It's been helping me, a lot.

And, I realized, like every dieter must realize at some point, that if I want to have success with a more joyful, calm, kind, contented and equanimity-filled existence, it must become a way of life, not a 1-2 month temporary change in eating....er, I mean being.

The other thing worth mentioning - I'm not happy 100% of the time. Even when I've had extended periods of bliss that lasted a few days, I realize that happiness or what I'm seeking is not about being happy 100% of the time. It's about letting the negative or unpleasant emotions happen and move through and letting go so it flows through me and doesn't last; so I don't hold onto it and I can return to contentment and joy.


So there you go. I'm off to SUP. Yay!