Share |
Showing posts with label feel my love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feel my love. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Worry vs Choice

Recently I was hanging with some friends near a chlorine pool.

I use the word near because I was indeed near the pool, not in the pool.

It's Marcus' fault, sort of.

Sixteen months ago, I was swimming laps in my local pool for exercise (and a sort of moving meditation) five to six days a week. Then I got an outer ear infection (apparently common for regular chlorine swimmers - though it was my first). It got me to thinking that if chlorine can disrupt the balance of my ear, it's probably not the best thing. A few months later, my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. For two years prior, she had been doing water aerobics in a chlorinated pool three to five days a week. No one can know for certain if this cause, contributed or is correlated to her cancer, but Marcus (who became her health adviser soon after her diagnosis) recommended she cease all chlorine pool swimming.

One of my friends at the chlorine pool basically implied that even though he knows chlorine is not good for you, he thinks worrying about chlorine is not good either and potentially worse (since he decided to go into the pool).

I agree. Worry is not good, or at the very least, it's unproductive and worst, detrimental to health and life-shortening.

I told him I didn't necessary worry about it, just made choices about what felt right for me. If I really wanted to go swimming, I would. But I can still have fun just hanging out. (It makes me miss growing up in Minnesota - land of ten thousand fresh water lakes.)

But it did make me wonder. Am I worrying about chlorine or pollution or toxins we're exposed to on a regular basis?  Maybe. Part of why I eat organic 90% of the time is because I live in Los Angeles, and a lot of my pollution/toxic exposure is pre-determined by where I choose to live and breathe. So I figure, at this point I choose LA, so I'm exposed to certain toxins, I might as well eat as healthy as possible to help my body with all the "unavoidable" toxic exposure. Get my drift?

Anyway, I do believe I worry less than I used to. Though worry seems to be passed down from both sides of my family. The decreased worry in me is also part Marcus' fault... I'd been releasing worry from my life before he and I got together, but he has been a model for me, in a way. He has what many would call a "terminal" illness and he's not worried. Why should I worry about being late, car repair bills or chlorine? I'm still working on worrying less about Marcus. I do get a little protective of him sometimes given his health stuff...though there are signs his body and kidneys are...waking up. Yay! Horray!

Finally, I get to my point. We make choices every day, without worry. Let's say you prefer not to wear clothing, generally. You still choose to wear clothes when you go out into the world, right? (At least in most environments/circumstances.) Does it cause you worry when you choose to wear clothes? Probably not, you just put something on.

Well, that's how I'm approaching my choices about health, lifestyle and chlorine pools. My gauge for whether I'm worrying or not? If I have a furrow in my brow, anxiety in my body, or thoughts of future apocalypse in my brain, I'm probably worry-laden. If I'm smiling (a real smile), happy, and even playful about navigating through my choices (whether in the usually polluted LA-air or the remarkably clean Minnesota air), then I'm probably just flowing and choosing.

I prefer the latter.


 Follow StrandMusic on Twitter

More Interesting Katie Strand World Posts
New Music
&
Posts 
at
Katie Strand Music
Posted by Katie Strand at 2:36 PM 1 comments
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, May 17, 2010

Anxious or calm?

 
Anxious or calm?
How to discern ego from intuition.

A few years back during a very revelatory psychological/emotional/spiritual process, I uncovered the answer to a question that had been gnawing away at me for years.

The question was, "How can I tell what is intuition and what is just paranoia/fear/ego/whatever?" The context of this question came up throughout my life and I truly didn't have a good answer. I'd read quite a bit, taken spiritual and life-improvement workshops as well as earned a master's degree in spiritual psychology, during which this question and answer came more completely into focus.

You see, there's this psycho-spiritual technique called gestalt developed primarily by Fritz Pearls. Look it up if you're curious. During a gestalt process, one usually gives a voice to the aspect of themselves, person, thing, or issue that is creating dis-ease or presenting an unresolved issue. Truth be told, I don't even remember the presenting issue that caused me to gestalt that day (it was summer 2007), but I do recall with vivid clarity the ensuing gestalt session.

I basically had a conversation with my higher self. Which I can only describe as the aspect of myself that doesn't perceive separateness, otherness, nor does it judge anything as right or wrong, good or bad, and they (since it came out as "we" during the session, and spirit guides seems to be the best description) seem to have a sense of calm, knowing and joviality to such an immense degree that you'd think they were ethereal, high on endorphins or drugs or all of the above.

The questions and answer I remember most clearly are the following two that I'll transcribe. Now before I reveal, I'll give you this very gentle disclaimer. Believe or don't believe. Take or leave whatever you read here. Whether you believe or not is of little concern to me (and of even less concern to my spirit guides). I have a tendency to sometimes roll my eyes when people start using language like spirit guides, but for some reason, that's what they identified as. Also, whenever I'm reading about someone's experience that is unquantifiable or unverifiable, I tend to assess the information based on whether or not it makes sense or feels right for me. I suggest you do the same here.

Me: "But now that I've discovered you, does this mean I have to get rid of all my worldly possessions and go on a spiritual sojourn or something?"

Spirit Guides (SG): (the tone here was very funny. like this question was very amusing) "We would never tell you that you have to do anything. Any time you get a message that you have to do something that's just ego masquerading as spirit."
 ______
Me:  "But what if I'm making this up? What if you're not real or you're a figment of my imagination. Am I crazy? Do I have to believe now that I've communicated with you?" (When I asked this question I truly thought the response would be, "how could you question. you've found us. We're real! Can't you tell?!? Instead it was...)
 SG: (again their tone was very light, playful and funny) "It doesn't matter whether you believe or not. We're here. We're not going anywhere."

 From this experience, I realized the simplest way to discern whether a message we're getting from within (which usually come through our thoughts but sometimes translate as visceral sensations) is truly intuition or ego/fear/reactive-mind. If the message feels calm it's intuition. If it feels anxious, it's ego/fear-based. There's some other author/spiritual guru who uses the question, "Is this coming from a place of fear or love," and while I've found that works too, sometimes we tend to delude ourselves about  love because it is so undefinable. Also, I think love is one of the most abused words out there. So many abusive people out there are depicted saying "I'm doing this (abuse/punishment/etc) because I love you," that it has irrevocably tainted that word for a lot of people. I feel as though calm versus anxious is more clear and undeniable.

Share. Let me know in your life how you experience this type of thing. Let me know if this works for you.


Follow StrandMusic on Twitter


More Interesting Katie Strand World Posts
New Music
&
Posts 
at
Katie Strand Music
Posted by Katie Strand at 11:40 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, April 19, 2010

Andre Agassi is now Open



Follow StrandMusic on Twitter

How reading about tennis made me a tennis fan

I just finished the Andre Agassi book Open. It actually got better than the first third I had under my belt when I wrote the last blog about it, Love & Hate. Drugs & Rebellion only a few days ago.

Agassi, and his ghostwriter J. R. Moehringer did something difficult, though not impossible, and it is something essential for the captivating portrayal of a compelling life's story. And I must note here that by life's story I mean Agassi's professional tennis career, since his life is far from over, and I suspect, his best, most personally significant years are still taking shape as his school and family grow and mature. This essential thing is simple, but not always easy to accomplish. I suppose it may be the same reason fans cheered for Agassi all those years he played. With Agassi's Open, throughout moments that make you groan with the knowing that only a spectator can have as he throws tantrums and subjects himself to self-destruction and loathing; throughout experiencing stories of his poor decisions, poor judgment, and poor self image, you still root for the guy. 

I literally cheered aloud at some of his wins, laughed at his life's idiosyncrasies, and wept during his most poignant personal triumphs. His brief summary of his speech at his wife Stefanie Graff's induction into the Tennis Hall of Fame had me wiping my eyes so that I could see properly to continue reading. I was delighted every time he spoke of their courtship, and read the majority of passages about the Stefanie and Andre love story to Marcus. Like any good voracious reader in love in my own right, I relate their story to my own with my love Marcus. The way our lives lined things up for us to meet reminds me of Stefanie and Andre.

Relate-ability is another essential in the telling of a compelling life story.

My hunger for this book is especially impressive considering I'm not even a tennis fan. Well, I didn't used to be. I was honestly riveted by the retelling of tennis matches, which I hardly even understood at the beginning of the book because tennis was still somewhat a mystery to me (Those Brits love to make things more complicated than necessary - it's a British game, right?)  Marcus helped to explain the rules and mechanics of the game, and I started watching highlights of old matches online. I may even try playing. An alarming proposition as it's been the retort I've joked about for years when people scoff and say, is there anything you can't do? Tennis, I often say. I'm a terrible tennis player.

Also, the part that inspired my previous blog, about him hating tennis and the drugs and rebellion of his youth. While the first third of the book had me hooked and contemplating, finishing the book has given me a wider lens. I'm reminded of something I shared with a female friend the night before her wedding. I said, You're choosing this man to marry. That's as powerful as love and commitment and romance. Choice. You choose him. I believe she used it in her vows. I said it partly out of support of her finishing the writing of her vows, and partly out of my own fascination with how people come to the point where they know they want to marry and at that moment I realized choice is the primary ingredient of that milestone in a person's life. Flour to life's sweetest cake.

The last third of the book illustrates a man who still may "hate" tennis, but is choosing his life and his job of playing tennis as part of what his life is about and part of what gives him power - to open his school, have the notoriety to gain attention and funding for said school, and support his family. Also, it seems, it's what he knows how to do best, and sometimes that's stronger than hate and professions of hate, especially when we come to a point in our lives where we choose the thing we thought we hated most.

I'm inspired most by his school, since it's been a lifelong dream of mine to open a school. Marcus' too. It seems this is something we will do together, somehow, someday in the not too distant future. My parents are both teachers, retired, and as Agassi's dad valued tennis (and greatness and competition) above all else, my parents valued teaching and education and choice above all else. I'm lucky they both taught with less urgency and a softer tone than senior Agassi did with Andre and Andre's siblings.

How funny that my next trip to Vegas will likely include a trip to Andre Agassi College Preparatory Academy. Heck, my next trip to Vegas might be all about a trip to AACPA. I've never gambled in Vegas, despite over a dozen trips for work (largely as a reality television producer for Rehab - party at the Hard Rock). My Texas Hold'em and Blackjack playing has largely taken place with friends and at local Los Angeles casinos. Strange, I know, but the gambling in Vegas is so blatant and unapologetic, I'm instantly turned off. Like those old suitors who came on too strong. I never responded well to overly aggressive men, and Vegas feels that way to me about gambling. So it's settled. A visit to Agassi's Academy is in my near future.

Clearly, this book inspired me.

If you like to be inspired, read this book.

Thanks to Andre Agassi, his children Jaden and Jaz for inspiring him and giving him reason, to Stefanie for saying yes, to all the players in the book, and to J. R. Moehringer, for weaving the stories so beautifully. I feel so tremendously grateful for good books and good stories. Thanks to my parents for that. Another enormous gift my parents bestowed upon me, among many, giant, innumerable gifts.











Follow StrandMusic on Twitter

More Interesting Katie Strand World Posts

New Music
&
Posts 
at
Katie Strand Music

Posted by Katie Strand at 9:48 AM 0 comments
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Occam's Razor - It's a Life & Faith Principle


 Follow StrandMusic on Twitter

Occam's Razor has come up, randomly, in my life three times in the past week or two. When something random and almost obscure (obscure at least to non-physicists or non-geeks or laypeople - apparently I straddle the fence) comes up twice, I take pause. When it comes up three times, I really take notice and usually ponder some version of the following, "There's something here for me to learn. What is it?"

Prior to the Occam's threesome of late, I knew Occam's Razor had something to do with the following: The simplest explanation is probably the right one. But of course, I had to look it up. (What did we do before the internet? Oh, right. Libraries. Mmm. I like the smell of libraries.) Anyway. According to Principia Cybernetica Web,

Occam's razor is a logical principle attributed to the medieval philosopher William of Occam (or Ockham). The principle states that one should not make more assumptions than the minimum needed. This principle is often called the principle of parsimony. It underlies all scientific modeling and theory building. It admonishes us to choose from a set of otherwise equivalent models of a given phenomenon the simplest one. In any given model, Occam's razor helps us to "shave off" those concepts, variables or constructs that are not really needed to explain the phenomenon. By doing that, developing the model will become much easier, and there is less chance of introducing inconsistencies, ambiguities and redundancies.

I love scientists. Above they are explaining a principle, developed by some logician friar in the 14th century, that's main point is simplicity, and they're making it more complex than necessary. But if you just focus on one sentence above, it "shaves off" the unnecessary complexities. "It admonishes us to choose from a set of otherwise equivalent models of a given phenomenon the simplest one." Or, more precisely stated (and hence more apropos) from Phys NCKU, "when you have two competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, the simpler one is the better."

But how does this apply to me? I mean, this keeps coming up in my life and while I don't want to make meaning where there is none (Oh, come on! We all like to make meaning where there is none, don't we?!?) So....

I pondered this for a while. I pondered for a good 12 hours or so before mentioning it to Marcus. By the way, the conclusion I had drawn before talking with Marcus about it was that I was probably making things in my life too complex and a simplifying was likely in order, but I hadn't gotten to the crux of it yet...

Marcus said, and I'm paraphrasing of course, "Well. Lately you've been talking about money and not having enough. Maybe this keeps coming up in your life for you to simplify how you make money."

I responded as only a person who's very important life lesson is staring them in the face can by saying, "der, what do you mean, like just working for myself?" (I added the "der" postmortem, but it might as well have been there.)


He smiles. "Yeah. Well. It's simpler than that even. Just do what you love. Do all the things that you like to do and the money will come. That's the way it's worked in my life."

Duh. Like a fly swatter hitting me square in the forehead. Ow! That stings. I hate it when he's always right. I love it that he's usually right.

But if I were to apply this twist onto Occam's Razor, isn't that only part logic and physics and another large part faith? In other words, it's not just a physics or science principle, it's a life and faith principle.

Maybe all of physics is faith. Or at the very least intuition. Or both, really. (The two are intrinsically intertwined in my world anyway.) It has to be. Or it had to be at some point since physics is a relatively new science, at least in how we deal with it today. Though you can bet aboriginal human had figured trajectories, theories and all sorts of things we only now call modern physics. I bet they even had their own version of Occam's Razor.

So how can you apply Occam's Razor to your life? Comment. Weigh-in. You know how I love weigh-ins.

Me? I'm showing up here, writing my blog, recording music, and helping people wherever I can. Those seem to be my big three tenants to live by right now.

Music. Just put a new song on Katie Strand Music. It's one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs called To Make You Feel My Love - sentimental in such a good way. Sentimental the way greats like Bob Dylan know how to do really well and I do hope I've done justice to. Listen to this song. You may just want it played at your wedding.

Let me know what you think.

And remember to simplify. Occam says so.



Follow StrandMusic on Twitter
More Interesting Katie Strand World Posts

New Music
&
Posts 
at
Katie Strand Music
Posted by Katie Strand at 12:53 PM 2 comments
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

Download Instructions

DOWNLOAD INSTRUCTIONS TO ALL SONG BUYERS:
After clicking on your song of choice, click ADD TO CART. You will then sign up for lulu and pay for song. Then follow this link or click here for

COMPLETE DOWNLOAD AT:
http://www.lulu.com/account/downloads.php