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Showing posts with label andre agassi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label andre agassi. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What do you want?


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This is a question I've asked myself and I've asked friends. I'm surprised at my own and others relative inability to really answer it.

So I'm asking you now. What do you want? 

Not for lunch. Not for your birthday. Not for your next job or paycheck, but holistically, in your life, as your life...

What do you want?

This answer for me, and probably for most people, has changed throughout my life. One of the things I love actually, about getting older, is that I feel less...uncertain, insecure, and wishy-washy about such things.

You see, I realized something the other night and it feels as though my life has shifted.

It was Monday. Just a seemingly normal Monday night. Though I have had experience with Mondays disguised as normal. A few years back I used to have what I called a songwriters circle Monday nights, though it really was a gathering of friends, and a few of us were musicians and a few were musically inclined. I was one of the musician/songwriters, as was my friend James and a few others who happened by from time to time. Some of the other regulars could carry a tune, so they'd sing back up or improvise lead, and a few others could play a song or two on guitar, or hold a beat on a random bucket we found in the back room. Since this took place at a restaurant, we had some accouterments at our fingertips. Anyway, it was always Monday nights. We'd start around 10pm and sometimes go until 2am. Just hanging, playing music, talking, sharing new songs, sharing whatever. The guys had already dubbed the night "Magic Mondays" and I was lucky enough to be included in the magic. For the 5 months it was without a doubt, my favorite night of the week. We had to stop because of venue issues. One of the first things I'll do when I have a bigger, more conducive place is reinstate (music) Magic Mondays.

Well, two nights ago for me was my own, semi-private, epiphany-charged Magic Monday.

I was in hypnotherapy class with this guy Joe Leeway. Nice guy. Pretty good teacher/speaker. Also, he's an NLP practitioner and hypnotherapist, which are all right up my alley. (NLP= Neuro-Linguistic Programming. More on NLP in Joe's link below and in future blogs. Here's wikipedia on NLP.) Earlier that day I had also finished the Agassi book Open (that I blogged about in Monday's blog Andre Agassi is now Open), and as you all know I was inspired by the book and especially the school he opened. Also, I've been recording music at home and this week working on an original song called Over You, working out regularly, and writing this blog. The perfect storm of taking care of myself, self-expression, music creating, and inspiration from other people's stories. What happens next? In walks Joe Leeway and his line, which seems from out of no where, but is perfect for what I needed to hear in that moment.
Ask your clients what they want. Nine of out ten people walking around out there don't know what they want. Those people, the one out of ten, rule the world because they know what they want. (Joe Leway's hypnotherapy page)
And it hits me. What I want. It was like the proverbial light bulb.

I want wealth and fame so that I may do what I want and create a happier, more beautiful, peaceful, spiritual world.

In other words, I want to help myself and other people to be happier and more fulfilled, and I want the proper leverage to do so in a big way. Simultaneously I had a vision of standing in front of a big room of people while they break into small groups and work this question out with each other.

For years I've been doing this dance around being a professional musician. Thinking I wanted success and notoriety as a musician, or more than I already have, but I didn't have clarity on why even though I had a sense that I wanted to help people. I perceived becoming a famous rock star as a largely self-centered goal. No wonder it hasn't come to fruition yet. I also had moments in the past of, who are you to think you can help people. Yow! Not very friendly thinking to myself. Also, not very helpful or encouraging.

Maybe it's the hypnotherapy training or my spiritual psychology degree; maybe it's the music playing at home or the daily writing to all of you out there (who are you, anyway?!?); maybe it's years of meditating and kundalini yoga, or maybe it's simply growing up a bit; maybe it was just a surprise Magic Monday. Likely it was all of those things combined. Suddenly, all that negative stuff just fell away in that moment. I was filled with clarity, relief and gratitude.

I'm enjoying my home life more than ever. I vacuumed the next day and I usually don't like to vacuum. It was kind of enjoyable. I recorded Monday night and again yesterday (Tuesday). Usually Marcus prompts me to record, but yesterday I was the one urging us to get the vocal tracks down.

I'm curious to see how it will all unfold. Marcus likes to tell his students, and I suppose I'm one of them if only during our martial arts classes, "maintain your practices." What he means by this is that as people become more successful, healthy and happy; logically their life shifts, and they sometimes eliminate the very things, usually personal things, that supported them becoming more healthy, successful, and happy. Like eating healthy, meditating, hypnosis, affirmations, doing a good deed every day, spending time with loved ones, creating time for writing or exercise or creative expression. Those kinds of things - whatever they are for you. They are the foundation of your life. Take them away, and the whole structure collapses - the structure you built. Whether or not we're aware of it, we're always practicing something. Might as well practice the good stuff. So that's what I'm up to, I'm maintaining my practices.

You'll hear how it goes. Trust me.

So...

What do you want?

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Posted by Katie Strand at 2:15 PM 1 comments
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Monday, April 19, 2010

Andre Agassi is now Open



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How reading about tennis made me a tennis fan

I just finished the Andre Agassi book Open. It actually got better than the first third I had under my belt when I wrote the last blog about it, Love & Hate. Drugs & Rebellion only a few days ago.

Agassi, and his ghostwriter J. R. Moehringer did something difficult, though not impossible, and it is something essential for the captivating portrayal of a compelling life's story. And I must note here that by life's story I mean Agassi's professional tennis career, since his life is far from over, and I suspect, his best, most personally significant years are still taking shape as his school and family grow and mature. This essential thing is simple, but not always easy to accomplish. I suppose it may be the same reason fans cheered for Agassi all those years he played. With Agassi's Open, throughout moments that make you groan with the knowing that only a spectator can have as he throws tantrums and subjects himself to self-destruction and loathing; throughout experiencing stories of his poor decisions, poor judgment, and poor self image, you still root for the guy. 

I literally cheered aloud at some of his wins, laughed at his life's idiosyncrasies, and wept during his most poignant personal triumphs. His brief summary of his speech at his wife Stefanie Graff's induction into the Tennis Hall of Fame had me wiping my eyes so that I could see properly to continue reading. I was delighted every time he spoke of their courtship, and read the majority of passages about the Stefanie and Andre love story to Marcus. Like any good voracious reader in love in my own right, I relate their story to my own with my love Marcus. The way our lives lined things up for us to meet reminds me of Stefanie and Andre.

Relate-ability is another essential in the telling of a compelling life story.

My hunger for this book is especially impressive considering I'm not even a tennis fan. Well, I didn't used to be. I was honestly riveted by the retelling of tennis matches, which I hardly even understood at the beginning of the book because tennis was still somewhat a mystery to me (Those Brits love to make things more complicated than necessary - it's a British game, right?)  Marcus helped to explain the rules and mechanics of the game, and I started watching highlights of old matches online. I may even try playing. An alarming proposition as it's been the retort I've joked about for years when people scoff and say, is there anything you can't do? Tennis, I often say. I'm a terrible tennis player.

Also, the part that inspired my previous blog, about him hating tennis and the drugs and rebellion of his youth. While the first third of the book had me hooked and contemplating, finishing the book has given me a wider lens. I'm reminded of something I shared with a female friend the night before her wedding. I said, You're choosing this man to marry. That's as powerful as love and commitment and romance. Choice. You choose him. I believe she used it in her vows. I said it partly out of support of her finishing the writing of her vows, and partly out of my own fascination with how people come to the point where they know they want to marry and at that moment I realized choice is the primary ingredient of that milestone in a person's life. Flour to life's sweetest cake.

The last third of the book illustrates a man who still may "hate" tennis, but is choosing his life and his job of playing tennis as part of what his life is about and part of what gives him power - to open his school, have the notoriety to gain attention and funding for said school, and support his family. Also, it seems, it's what he knows how to do best, and sometimes that's stronger than hate and professions of hate, especially when we come to a point in our lives where we choose the thing we thought we hated most.

I'm inspired most by his school, since it's been a lifelong dream of mine to open a school. Marcus' too. It seems this is something we will do together, somehow, someday in the not too distant future. My parents are both teachers, retired, and as Agassi's dad valued tennis (and greatness and competition) above all else, my parents valued teaching and education and choice above all else. I'm lucky they both taught with less urgency and a softer tone than senior Agassi did with Andre and Andre's siblings.

How funny that my next trip to Vegas will likely include a trip to Andre Agassi College Preparatory Academy. Heck, my next trip to Vegas might be all about a trip to AACPA. I've never gambled in Vegas, despite over a dozen trips for work (largely as a reality television producer for Rehab - party at the Hard Rock). My Texas Hold'em and Blackjack playing has largely taken place with friends and at local Los Angeles casinos. Strange, I know, but the gambling in Vegas is so blatant and unapologetic, I'm instantly turned off. Like those old suitors who came on too strong. I never responded well to overly aggressive men, and Vegas feels that way to me about gambling. So it's settled. A visit to Agassi's Academy is in my near future.

Clearly, this book inspired me.

If you like to be inspired, read this book.

Thanks to Andre Agassi, his children Jaden and Jaz for inspiring him and giving him reason, to Stefanie for saying yes, to all the players in the book, and to J. R. Moehringer, for weaving the stories so beautifully. I feel so tremendously grateful for good books and good stories. Thanks to my parents for that. Another enormous gift my parents bestowed upon me, among many, giant, innumerable gifts.











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Posted by Katie Strand at 9:48 AM 0 comments
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Saturday, April 17, 2010

Love & Hate. Drugs & Rebellion.


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Love & Hate.

I'm about one-third deep into Andre Agassi's book Open and I'm not only enjoying it, but it's making me think. Usually a good sign that a book has captivated me, but often an ominous sign for my life's philosophies.

You see, early on Andre confesses that he hates tennis.

Hates tennis.

People who follow tennis, or Andre, more closely than I may already know this. I didn't find it surprising exactly as much as, puzzling. I understand that love and hate are usually closer than ambivalence and either love or hate, but I have a hard time really understanding how Andre could hate tennis and play it professionally for 20 years.

But I am only one-third of the way through the book, so maybe more light will be shed.

Also, as the story and Andre's life is very compelling, props should be given to his ghostwriter, J.R. Moehringer, as ghostwriters truly are the unsung heroes of the literary world, especially when it comes to famous people "writing" their autobiographies. Such is the way of the world nowadays, it seems. Anyway, Moehringer is doing an amazing job with Agassi of writing this story.

I must confess, the only thing I have experienced in my life even remotely close to Andre's tennis is music, since I've been singing and playing music at approximately the same age when Andre first started playing tennis. But unlike Andre, I didn't spend my childhood drilling and training music. Practice, yes. Lessons, yes. But I had no foreboding parental figure yelling at or threatening me. In that regard, I was lucky. As an aside, though, maybe I'd be more successful as a musician if I were more forcibly trained, a la Helfgott and Agassi. Though I'd probably also be more messed up. No offense to either man mentioned above. The closest thing I can think of to Andre's story in the music world is David Helfgott, the child-prodigy pianist depicted in 1996's Shine. Helfgott is talented and performing still as an adult, but visibly damaged from the abuse he suffered as a child. It's a testament to Agassi's strength, smarts, and resilience as a person that he's as kind and well-balanced as he is, considering the pseudo-torture he endured as an adolescent. Though it's also testament to the people he had in his life (possibly earth-bound angels as they're depicted in Open), in the form of his older brother, best friend and mother, who balanced out his father's aggression, rage and his tennis-training-camp's overall abuse.

But this is not meant to be a book review, though the last paragraph may skirt into such territory.

How do we, as humans, simultaneously love and hate so easily, so well? And why, when we feel both hate and love, are we prone to poor judgment and decision making?

The easy and most accessible answer is that they are both feelings of passion. Ambivalence is never described as white-hot, but hate and love can both be very hot indeed.

In recent years, scientists in London claim to have explained why love and hate are so similarly experienced in the human brain. Article from Independent.co.uk: Scientists prove it really is a thin line between love and hate

The same brain circuitry is involved in both extreme emotions – but hate retains a semblance of rationality

Love and hate are intimately linked within the human brain, according to a study that has discovered the biological basis for the two most intense emotions.

Scientists studying the physical nature of hate have found that some of the nervous circuits in the brain responsible for it are the same as those that are used during the feeling of romantic love – although love and hate appear to be polar opposites.

A study using a brain scanner to investigate the neural circuits that become active when people look at a photograph of someone they say they hate has found that the "hate circuit" shares something in common with the love circuit.

The findings could explain why both hate and romantic love can result in similar acts of extreme behaviour – both heroic and evil...
The study advertised for volunteers to take part in the study and 17 people were chosen who professed a deep hatred for one individual. Most chose an ex-lover or a competitor at work, although one woman expressed an intense hatred for a famous political figure.

Professor Zeki and John Romaya of the Wellcome Laboratory of Neurobiology analysed the activity of the neural circuits in the brain that lit up when the volunteers were viewing photos of the hated person.

They found that the hate circuit includes parts of the brain called the putamen and the insula, found in the sub-cortex of the organ. The putamen is already known to be involved in the perception of contempt and disgust and may also be part of the motor system involved in movement and action.

"Significantly, the putamen and the insula are also both activated by romantic love. This is not surprising. The putamen could also be involved in the preparation of aggressive acts in a romantic context, as in situations when a rival presents a danger," Professor Zeki said.

"Previous studies have suggested that the insula may be involved in responses to distressing stimuli, and the viewing of both a loved and a hated face may constitute such a distressing signal."

One major difference between love and hate appears to be in the fact that large parts of the cerebral cortex – associated with judgement and reasoning – become de-activated during love, whereas only a small area is deactivated in hate.

"This may seem surprising since hate can also be an all-consuming passion like love. But whereas in romantic love, the lover is often less critical and judgemental regarding the loved person, it is more likely that in the context of hate the hater may want to exercise judgement in calculating moves to harm, injure or otherwise exact revenge," Professor Zeki said.

"Interestingly, the activity of some of these structures in response to a hated face is proportional in strength to the declared intensity of hate, thus allowing the subjective state of hate to be objectively quantified. This finding may have implications in criminal cases."


So every time I read about how Andre hates tennis, there is something in him that likely loves tennis as well. I wonder if maybe he hated how controlled his life was for the first 15 years of tennis playing, or even for the whole time he played tennis, because it seemed he really had no choice but to play tennis.

But what about people?

Have I hated the people I've loved? Have I loved the people I've hated? Years ago I gave a talk at a teenage spiritual retreat (it was of a Christian bent - Catholic to be precise. I never was officially Catholic but I participated in some of their teenage retreats. I think it was because the Catholic boys were cuter than the Protestant boys, but maybe they were just more devout and therefore prone to rebellion.) Anyway, I don't remember everything I said, but I do recall the shock on people's faces when I said I'd rather have someone hate me than be indifferent to me, because at least they were feeling something. I don't even remember the title of the talk, but I remember that. At 15, I already had a sense that feeling something, anything, intensely was better than feeling nothing at all.

Drugs & Rebellion.

I wonder about these child athletes. Child stars too. Are they doomed to hate life in whatever way rebels them the most to authority? Are they doomed (as we've seen time and again) to drug abuse and poor choices? Can we really blame them? Certainly fame or extreme pressure aren't necessary for children to turn into drug abusers or rebels, as many kids who have neither fame nor obvious pressure still turn to drugs and rebellion. But those kids seem to have neglect or desperation if they don't have pressure or fame.

Are we f*cking up our children? Did aboriginal children rebel? How about Native American children (pre-settlement by the pale-faces)? I suppose their options were limited. Rebellion was going off with another tribe or on a sojourn by your lonesome.

This opens a bigger can of worms. Is modernization spoiling the "future" which our children are often said to be? Apparently, we're in a financial recession. So what gets cut? What's been getting cut in education for years? Arts and physical fitness. The two things that kids need most are being cut. Don't get me wrong. Reading, writing, arithmetic and history are important, but they're not more important than arts and fitness.

What is this blog about?

I don't truly know for certain. Love & Hate? Drugs & Rebellion?

But I will leave you with this.

Love & Hate. Drugs & Rebellion. All may be inseparable parts of becoming who we are. But the first two are life long, so you better figure out how to love yourself and your passion with as much fire as you hate it at times. Not only are they closer than you think, but if you don't find the love, you could be swallowed by the fire.



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Posted by Katie Strand at 2:21 PM 0 comments
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