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Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts

Friday, March 2, 2012

Boobs Trump I.Q.

Need I explain the title?

I guess the answer to that is probably "yes."

Let me disclaim first.

This does not mean that you can get away with being stupid if you have large breasts, though many women, I'm sure, have been excused their intellectual magnitude for a magnitude of bosom, but this type of boobage trumping I.Q. is not actually what this blog is about.

No, this blog is about the fact that very smart men, sometimes even bona fide geniuses can still have their I.Q. and intelligence fully trumped by partially or fully exposed breasts. Come to think of it, a tight sweater alone sometimes does it.

What I mean by fully trumped is, I've witnessed men completely and totally loose their train of thought just by flashing a boob or two.

Now this is not something I do in public, at least nothing I've done in public yet, but more based on my private observations with a few very intelligent men I've known biblically.

This happened recently and it made me laugh. Marcus was on some rant about quantum or particle physics and the fabric of the universe or something along those lines, while I was honestly ready to wind down and be done with his grandiose proclamations for the night. Anyway, not sure I did this intentionally, but I happened to be disrobing at this moment, and he immediately lost his train of thought and gently lunged toward my now exposed breasts muttering "booo-biees" to himself like Gollum mutters "my precioussss..." in Lord of the Rings.

Now the side note is: Marcus's I.Q. was tested at 175 when he was a child, and while he's undoubtedly lost a few if not many I.Q. points since he was tested, he still is probably higher than the average bear, average being 85-115.

But on the particular night in question, it really cracked me up and made me realize, yet again, that while both sexes are currently relevant and necessary for survival of the species, women are still kind of the stronger sex. Sure, we may be more prone to mood swings than men, though I've met some moody men, and we bleed out of a primary orifice on a monthly basis, and we might get irrationally pissed off when the garbage hasn't been taken out or the dishes haven't been done, but still, it seems we have more ability to compartmentalize and still carry on a conversation even when a penis is flashed.

The counter equivalent to men getting wholly distracted by the flash of breasts would be women getting completely distracted by the sight of a penis. I admit, it would surprise me a bit if I were giving a talk on filmmaking, music, hypnosis or even physics (one of my favorite subjects in school), but ultimately I could still carry on a conversation quite easily were a bare penis present during my physics talk. 

Some may argue it's because penises, as Seinfeld so aptly pointed out, belong to a male body which is largely a utilitarian sculpture. But when you think of it, breasts are utilitarian too - they are nature's perfect milk dispensary, deli or trough for babies.

So what's the thesis?

Maybe it's just this:

Ladies, if you want your guy to shut up, flash a boob or two.

Just know, you might get fondled at least, and ravished at most.



"Booo-biees"







Sunday, June 6, 2010

Driftwood

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Years ago I was introduced to an author named Regena Thmashauer who writes books about the womanly arts. She dubs herself Mama Gena as she considers herself the Mama to all the Sister Goddesses she trains through her books and at her School of Womanly Arts. While her books are fluffy at times, ultimately I think they're great for owning your beauty, pleasure, sass and manifesting your desires. I was even a member of the Los Angeles chapter of Sister Godesses.

She introduced me to many ideas, but there are two that have not only worked their way into my permanent memory and vocabulary, they are the two I share most with people and especially my female friends.

First and foremost: DRIFTWOOD!

I explain it like this:

Let's say you've been seeing someone who seems to be a really good fit for you. But it doesn't work out for whatever reason. (I've been there, so I can relate!) Well, that's no reason to get discouraged, in fact, it's a reason to be encouraged because that means you're close. It's just driftwood! Sailors knew they were close to land when they started seeing pieces of driftwood - it was a good sign for them that land was near and their journey was coming to an end. Well, these men that you've been dating, they are just driftwood. Be not dismayed! Land is near! (Land being that guy is who just the right fit for you - for as long as you choose.)

Dig?

So...Mama Gena didn't come up with driftwood exactly, this is just her spin on an old sailing term. I like it and from what I understand, it has caught on like wildfire among certain groups of friends. Please, share this with them so that they may pass it along to their girlfriends. For me, it gave me relief when I felt frustrated about men who were close...but not quite right (or the even more confounding and frustrating ones who seemed right but didn't last).

Next time you hear yourself or your girlfriends (aka Sister Goddesses) frustrated or complaining about another dating situation that didn't work out, tell them about driftwood and forward this blog to them. It'll help. 

For the second Mama Gena tip that I share most frequently, subscribe to this blog (if you're not already), because I'll be writing about it in the very near future. Trust me, you'll want to tune in as it's juicy, effective, and it involves your nether-regions.

Just for fun, here's a video of Mama Gena on Conan O'Brien from 2004. It's a bit saucy, but ultimately fun. Plus, it's great to see Conan get squirmy around her vulva puppet. Enjoy!



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Friday, February 19, 2010

I think my boyfriend's a snake...

What is this? Under your feet? Look at it. Are you shedding? There's more up here by your elbow.

Apparently, much like a snake, my boyfriend sheds his skin once every few weeks. Fortunately this doesn't happen every time he showers, but this evening must've been new-skin time for my reptilian boyfriend. What makes this even more ridiculous is the fact that his skin is amazingly soft and smooth throughout most of his body. But apparently this does not preclude him from having this reptilian shedding from time to time.

Good thing his other endowments are more equestrian than reptilian.

Anyone want to weigh-in on the skin-shedding? Guys? Gals? Is this a Strand-boyfriend phenomenon only? I doubt that.