My grandparents all passed before I graduated high school, if memory serves. My maternal grandfather when I was in grade-school, my grandmothers both passed in junior high/early high school, and my paternal grandfather passed when my father was in high school. You see, my parents were in their thirties when they started having children; old for the time and generation. Their parents were slightly older too.
I've missed slightly having grandparents as an adult. It's probably similar to not having an appendix or tonsils. You can't exactly feel that it's not there, but it feels like something is missing...
Probably to appease this, I made friends with an older woman when I lived in San Diego while in college, and when I say older, I mean
older. Helen was an octogenarian when we met. She was so delighted that I was
her friend. Not her children's or her grandchildren's friend, but
her friend. Ten years ago she started as my client when I had my own business as a personal trainer, and we remained friends until she died about a year ago. The last time I had lunch with her she told me, "
I'm happier than I've ever been."
I asked what she attributed that to and she said, "
I've forgiven all the people in my life that I ever thought did me wrong...and I've forgiven myself for any mistakes I thought I made....I miss my husband [of 60 years who died about 10 years ago] sometimes, and think it might be nice to have a male companion of some sort, but my life is very full and very happy."
Marcus and I have been together for almost two years, and in that time I've gotten to know his mother fairly well. Fiercely independent, the only thing she dislikes more than asking for help is being told what to do. We've been encouraging her to
keep moving, be social and mostly, to
stay present since she has a tendency to stress herself out with worrying about the future and ruminating about the past. But, she's stubbornly gotten to the point now where she hurt her back and neck, and can't take care of herself. We are hopeful that with some prescription pain medicine, good restorative sleep, and care from doctors she'll be able to recover and be mostly independent again. But today I had to call paramedics to come get her and bring her to the hospital, because the pain in her back and neck due to a recent fall and the subsequent tension she created from not being able to get herself up, has made it virtually impossible to do everyday necessities like getting up to go to the bathroom, lying down, and preparing food.
In case you're wondering why Marcus didn't do this, well, he was still hooked up to his dialysis machine. Also, those of you who know me well know that I'll do what I can to help my loved ones in need. I went to help her this morning as Marcus was unable, and it turned out she thought it was time to call for help.
Imagine not being able to get up out of bed.
After the small circus of paramedics left with my pseudo-mother-in-law, I cried a little and then had a mini-epiphany.
We have to
keep moving. Always and forever. Even when there's pain and even when we don't want to.
Also, we have to
stay present. Ruminating about the past and worrying about the future don't really do anyone any good. It's not productive and it just creates stress and tension.
Eat healthy, but that's not enough by itself. She eats very healthy. Possibly one of the healthiest diets on the planet as she's almost 100% organic, eats only meat and protein that's unaltered by antibiotics, hormones or strange feed (she only eats free-range, grass-fed meat and poultry), and plenty of organic vegetables and unrefined grains. Her stats are good. The paramedics tested her before they took her to the hospital: her blood pressure was low and she responded to all their standard coherency and body-response tests.
But she a) doesn't move enough, b) stresses herself out with worry and paranoia and c) has become anti-social. The healthy diet will postpone some of these symptoms, but if you don't practice these other things, eventually it will come bite you in your wrinkled-old ass.
Having a partner is a huge asset. Huge. My parents are close to her age, and they're much more mobile even though they have some worry, pain and discomfort. Think about it - it's much easier to get locked into worry and fear when you're left to your own devices. Having a partner who looks out for you and you for them helps to mitigate some of the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. Also, it can help keep you present. Next time your boy or girlfriend says something funny, just try to worry about the future or ruminate about the past. Friends are good for keeping us present too.
To close, I'm fatigued. Usually I edit my writing before sending it into the blogosphere, but I'm simply too tired to care to do that this time.
Please, for anyone out there reading this and for myself too...
Forgive.
Keep Moving.
Stay Present.
Eat healthy.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Share this and/or call someone you love.
