The Resistance & The Resolution

Today my email inbox received a perfectly timed blog by Stephen Pressfield, author of The Legend of Baggar Vance, The War of Art, Last of the Amazons, Gates of Fire and more. Stephen Pressfield's published books. http://www.stevenpressfield.com/books/

He wrote one of my favorite books on art, creativity, and the internal struggles we all, but especially we creative-types, face. 

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
(link above to book, available from Amazon)

I read Stephen Pressfield's blog today before my workout. I was cycling home from the gym post-workout and thoughts of his blog were loud and present in my mind. 

For context, here's an excerpt and link if you want to read more (I highly recommend you subscribe, especially if you're a writer or creative type):
http://www.stevenpressfield.com/2014/09/the-difference-between-14-and-15/

I was talking to a friend at the gym the other day. “How much strength do we all have?” he said. “Think about it: a ninety-five-pound mom can lift a Buick if her baby is underneath it, right? Then why is it so hard for that same woman to lift a 25-pound dumbbell here at the gym on a Tuesday morning?”The answer, my friend said, is that the muscles can but they don’t want to. They resist. They’re afraid of success, afraid of failure, afraid of pain, afraid of the unknown.“What we’re afraid of,” my friend said, “is going from using 14% of our potential to using 15%. For some reason, that increment is totally terrifying, even though there’s another 85% untouched beyond that.”Why is it so hard to get that 1%?We can all agree, I’m sure, that we experience a huge rush of exhilaration when we actually do it.Isn’t that what CrossFit is all about, or extreme sports, or any physical activity that pushes the body and the mind beyond their perceived limits? CrossFit, from what I’ve read, enlists camaraderie, competition, novelty (new exercises, new environments), games, challenges, etc. to inspire its members to go from 14% to 15%. Success becomes addictive. You do it once and you want to do it again.Yet the body resists. The mind resists. The world seems to have been made this way.Gravity doesn’t want us to fly. Death refuses to let us live forever. Fatigue conspires to keep us from true awakeness.The ancient Greeks would describe these forms of resistance as “the jealousy of the gods.” The immortals possess certain powers and gifts, and they don’t like it when we mere humans aspire to them as well.

I quote Stephen Pressfield here, and am so grateful for his blog today because I very recently had one of those days where I was just pissed off and steeped like a smelly old tea bag in resistance.

We recently moved to a brand new city, over 600 miles away from Los Angeles. It's beautiful. In the mountains, lots of nature and trees around, and healthy food (including TWO raw milk farms, yay!) within about 15 miles. Not much in the way of television production work, so we're budget-conscious, but still, the location and environment are amazing and I can't believe it took us so long to vacate the big city!

I've been forming my daily routine, which includes intense interval workouts, meditation, yoga, and creative work - writing, songwriting, re-writing, brainstorming, new idea generation (which is basically just engaging in life and taking notes when an idea hits me), and of course healthy eating and work or work-seeking. (I work freelance in TV/Film so I have quite a lot of freedom and will likely need to travel to work sometime in the coming months).

I'm no stranger to what most people call discipline. Whether it's food or workouts or yoga or meditation, I've been able to form daily routines that have helped me tremendously.

So WHY is it so hard sometimes to maintain and keep doing these things that I know are GOOD FOR ME!?!

Pressfield's blog reminded me that I am not alone. Most human beings experience some level of resistance in their lives. But why? It seems a hinderance, a burden, an annoyance, and especially a fucking pain in the ass for those of us trying to create something in our lives!

Hmm.

Oh, right.
The reason: Human survival

From what I've studied, our ancient bipedal ancestors -- who are virtually identical to modern man within less than 1% margin of evolutionary difference -- experienced resistance to change primarily because... (drum roll)...

CHANGE equals DEATH...

to the reptilian brain stem of our ancestors and US TOO!

Change equals death.

Of course we experience resistance.

My trouble with accepting this is around the fact that I still experience resistance, even when I know, viscerally and with irrefutable evidence, that the thing I aim to do is highly beneficial and healthy for me! Fuck! Why do I still experience resistance?

I'm not facing a saber toothed tiger, wooly mammoth, hypothermia, starvation or anything of the sort. In fact, most of the things I aim to accomplish in any given day are highly enjoyable, even my interval workout (similar to Crossfit but less prone to injury), though challenging, is often pleasant and certainly gives me an endorphin boost.

But still, RESISTANCE!!

So I carry on, doing my darndest to daily show up for myself in ways that I know help me to feel and be healthier, happier, more present, and experience more equanimity.

I also do my darndest to not listen to the reactive, resistant-based voice in my head, aka ego. That beautiful fucker can certainly be tricky and whisper so subtly that I'm often not even aware it's commanding me.

Today, I conquered, subdued or submitted resistance. Honestly, it feels like a glorious day and it's only 4pm.

For the curious, here's my list of daily physical, spiritual, and mental (including emotional) maintenance activities that I intend to do DAILY:

• 60min (or more)    physical exercise (excepting 1 day/week off for rest/recovery) 
• 15min      "             meditation
• 30min      "             creative - writing, songwriting, developing tv show ideas (60min+ ideal)
• 30min      "            home maintenance/chores

Today:
10 min Kundalini (short routine) before meditation
15 min Zen meditation
40 min interval cardio + 30 minutes interval weight-training
60+min Writing this blog & rewriting songs
30 min cleaning, doing dishes

We will see what tomorrow and the following days hold, but I'm intending to see through my own bullshit cloud on resistance-addled days and hold those days as glorious too.

Thank you, Stephen Pressfield, for reminding me of resistance, the reptilian brain and especially for reminding me we are not alone in this!

Lou Reed Sucks.

I'm sorry, but he does.

I used to really like Lou Reed. "Walk on the Wild Side" and "Perfect Day" were the types of songs I always wanted to listen to while doing nothing else, so worthy of listening were they.

I don't know what happened. Maybe he's just lost his songwriting touch. Maybe it was the fact that he got commissioned to write the song in question and he didn't give a fuck that it sucked. But I fear he actually thinks the song is good.

You see, a few years back, I was the Associate and Line-Producer on a film called Nanking. The producer/funder of the film commissioned Lou Reed to write two original songs for the movie.

We did not use the songs in the movie. For those of you who haven't seen the film, it's about the Japanese invasion of Nanking during the winter of 1937-38. The non-Chinese foreigners living in Nanking at the time established a safety zone - with no weaponry, authority or real jurisdiction. It truly is a moving story and they saved hundreds of thousands of civilian lives - as it seemed the Japanese were basically on order to kill and/or rape everyone in their path - soldier or otherwise.

Lou Reed's song Safety Zone. Geesh. It's bad. I hate to disparage a musical icon, but it is seriously bad. Have a listen and let me know what you think.

Here's the link for Safety Zone: (If this link doesn't work, just search Lou Reed Safety Zone)

My favorite bad line is, "rape at the end of a bayonet..."

The good news is, his second song Gravity is slightly less bad. It's still sort of a crap song. Maybe I've grown out of my Lou-Reed-liking phase. All I know is, when I'm creating my own films and television shows, I will not be commissioning Lou Reed to write anything, especially because he won't take "notes" on his original, commissioned compositions.

Gravity link.

Don't forget to let me know what you think.

We'd all be pillars of salt

From time to time I look back at my old journals and songs. While re-living or living in the past is not something I'd readily advocate, I do recommend learning from our past selves. I sort of use these old journal entries and songs as reminders of where I was and how far (or not so far as the case may be) I've come. Old hardships and heartaches aren't nearly as severe now as they were in the moment I wrote that entry or song. Old joys are remembered fondly. Actually, the hardships are remembered fondly now too, because I can sense my growth.

Now I'm not trying to be overly sappy or sentimental here. But sometimes I feel like the old me is sending notes to my current self to make sure I remember who I am, that I can't help but learn and grow, and that really, I'm ok. No matter what. You're good. A common phrase that pops up in the majority of my journals is: trust yourself. Sometimes years will pass before it pops up again, but sure as taxes, it pops up.

Like Kurt.

I read Slaughterhouse Five years ago, and though I've forgotten most of the details of the book, this part will likely stay with me to my dying day...

Kurt Vonnegut talks about Sodom & Gomorrah, and about Lot's wife, and how she couldn't help but look back. As a result, she turned into a pillar of salt.

Kurt writes, 

And I loved her for it.

Because it was so human. 

So here's my story as told by a pillar of salt.

It made me think about looking back.

Although sometimes it is futile, it also helps us move forward. Remembering is good. Dwelling is not so good.

Writing is looking back, sometimes. Songwriting, too. And even if the writing is about the past, present or future, it becomes a record of who we were, what we wanted, and where we anticipate we'll be. I can sense my mood in a particular entry simply by my handwriting. Keeping all of these journals and songs gives me a barometer of my past, and a sense of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going that provides greater depth than mere contemplation. It allows me to look back for a moment, and come back more fully to the present...

Without turning into a pillar of salt.

Thank goodness my deity is not vengeful.

If god were, we'd all be pillars of salt.

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Songwriting is like SEX

Songwriting is like sex.

I know, I know. It sounds crazy. But here's why:

There are qualities about songwriting, that when taken out of context, sound very similar to my other favorite activity.

CASE & POINT
When songwriting, I almost always:

• Loose track of time
• Feel elated, high & on fire
• Want to try different angles & perspectives
• Get a little frustrated when I can't finish, even when I'm really enjoying the process
• Afterward, I feel fantastic... sort of super-hero like, especially when I finish (more than one in a session is exponentially better...)
• It makes the rest of the day SO much better
• Sometimes...I want to try something new, innovative & different
• Sometimes...I want to go with the trusty, works-every-time technique
• Usually when it's really great, I want to tell people about it
• It gets better every time
• I feel happier, calmer, more sane & more peaceful when I do it on a regular basis

Wait, what are we talking about? Oh, right. Sex. No, wait. Songwriting.

See what I mean?

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

What's as good as sex for you? Maybe if we all followed this bliss the world would be filled with much happier and more peaceful people...or maybe we'd all just be running around humping fire hydrants.

[DISCLAIMER: May cause extreme happiness, joy, satisfaction, and increased libido. Please practice safe songwriting with a trusted partner, and consult with your doctor before songwriting on a bi-daily basis. If you songwrite for more than four hours straight, please contact a doctor or producer.]