Lou Reed Sucks.

I'm sorry, but he does.

I used to really like Lou Reed. "Walk on the Wild Side" and "Perfect Day" were the types of songs I always wanted to listen to while doing nothing else, so worthy of listening were they.

I don't know what happened. Maybe he's just lost his songwriting touch. Maybe it was the fact that he got commissioned to write the song in question and he didn't give a fuck that it sucked. But I fear he actually thinks the song is good.

You see, a few years back, I was the Associate and Line-Producer on a film called Nanking. The producer/funder of the film commissioned Lou Reed to write two original songs for the movie.

We did not use the songs in the movie. For those of you who haven't seen the film, it's about the Japanese invasion of Nanking during the winter of 1937-38. The non-Chinese foreigners living in Nanking at the time established a safety zone - with no weaponry, authority or real jurisdiction. It truly is a moving story and they saved hundreds of thousands of civilian lives - as it seemed the Japanese were basically on order to kill and/or rape everyone in their path - soldier or otherwise.

Lou Reed's song Safety Zone. Geesh. It's bad. I hate to disparage a musical icon, but it is seriously bad. Have a listen and let me know what you think.

Here's the link for Safety Zone: (If this link doesn't work, just search Lou Reed Safety Zone)

My favorite bad line is, "rape at the end of a bayonet..."

The good news is, his second song Gravity is slightly less bad. It's still sort of a crap song. Maybe I've grown out of my Lou-Reed-liking phase. All I know is, when I'm creating my own films and television shows, I will not be commissioning Lou Reed to write anything, especially because he won't take "notes" on his original, commissioned compositions.

Gravity link.

Don't forget to let me know what you think.

Nighaaa, beef! Moo!

A few years ago, I spent a month in China working on a documentary feature. The film was called Nanking and overall it was a very positive and eye-opening experience.

But this blog is not really about the documentary, though I probably should write a blog about the film. This blog is about beef jerky, sharing, and crossing language barriers.

With the exception of our translators and a lead PA/2nd2ndAD, the majority of the crew we hired in China did not speak English. All I can say is, the translators were an absolute necessity. Thank God for them.

We had several Americans that we traveled to China to work on the film. One of them was our Camera Assistant Anthony, who I've worked with and seen only sporadically throughout the last 8 years. Great guy. Great sense of humor.

So, we're filming in a relatively thin-walled building that doesn't have enough space for Anthony, myself (I was line producing but realistically, I was doing the call sheet, budget, and sort of managing the Chinese and American crew so who knows what my proper title was - Line Producer is sufficient, I suppose). Anyway, I was outside with Anthony and the Chinese gaffer, whose name I unfortunately cannot remember. We (the Americans) nicknamed him Palak Paneer because he spoke mandarin with what sounded like, to us, an Indian accent. Inappropriate? Maybe. Funny? Definitely.

So, Palak Paneer is sitting in the grip truck, a Vanagon looking thing that was really more of a van than a truck; Anthony and I are hanging around outside.

Palak Paneer leans out the window with a bag of something that resembles dried leather strips and gestures to Anthony. Then he whispers, with his Indian-sounding mandarin accent/broken English/mandarin. "Ant-tony, Ant-tony...Nighaaa, beef! Moo!"

Anthony and I immediately busted up laughing. Firstly because the words were so funny. Secondly, because it was so damn cute and funny with Palak Paneer hanging out the van window in a generous attempt to share his beef jerky. Also, just in case he didn't have the name right, he made the animal sound - "Moo" so we would be sure to know what animal product he had in his hand. The word "nigha" as I understand it, translates to "this" so you'll hear it often in mandarin conversations.

Immediately I felt bad for using the nickname Palak Paneer and vowed to learn how to pronounce his proper name.

The moral?

Share your food. In your language, or your friend's language. It actually doesn't matter, the message will come across.

Nigha, beef! Moo!