Fear is Not a Reason

This morning, as I was going about my routine, my mind wandered to an upcoming interview Marcus and I will be doing about our Colorado project.

The interviewer will ask me:

Do you feel afraid about what you are doing?

Yes. I feel afraid.

Fear, in my experience, is less mind-altering and daunting if I merely admit I feel it the moment I become aware that I'm feeling it.

Marcus and I are embarking on something that is not only unique, but also could be called brave and/or foolish!

Does anyone out there not know what we're doing? Go to chiworldwide.org after reading this blog for a glimpse into it.

I do think if we had more money at our disposal, it might be less daunting, and would probably quell the warnings issued by our friends and family.  But we are working within the budget we have and trying to have enough money left over to live on (because we are not yet generating the income we would need to do everything...), take care of his mother, and have a chunk of money for Marcus's healing intensive (a planned 2-month intensive that will cost at least $20,000 in equipment, supplements, and treatments, and we hope will wake up and heal his kidneys).

But until we have more capital at our disposal, we are moving forward with the money we currently have access to.

Here's one of the things that boggles my mind. Money is made up. It only has power and works as a currency because we all agree on it's value (a value which is currently in decline). I read the book Alive as a teenager and remember the plane crash survivors using cash as fuel for fire. Cash was absolutely useless as currency to the people trying to survive in the Alps, so they used it as fuel because it burned well. Currency only has value because we've given it meaning and agreed upon it's value.

Marcus and I are doing something that the vast majority of our peers are not doing. As humans who evolved as tribal and communal bipedal mammals, whenever we go against the majority, it's noticeable to say the least.

But my fear isn't just that we're going against the grain. My fear is about failing or going broke because we're embarking on an adventure that has so many unknown variables and I am someone who thrives on logistics and information and planning.

So I do my practices. Breathe. Meditate. Yoga. Tibetan Five. Run... for exercise. Talk to Marcus. Write. Break down, cry and throw a fit. (Not a deliberate part of my practices, but an element nonetheless.) I do one thing at a time. Then I rinse, and repeat.

I feel the fear. Breathe into it. Let it permeate and circulate.

I get inside and analyze it. 

I realize fear is confusing.

I write about it. 

I share about it.

The confusion of fear is this; my answer to the question above is this:

Yes, I feel fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of being penniless and starving and destitute.

But fear is confusing.

Fear can be an important indicator of danger or of something that threatens life, loved ones, health or well being.

But fear can also be felt when embarking on a new adventure, a new way of being, a new project, a new...anything!

Fear can be good. Really good. A sign of growth, or potential growth.

Fear alone is not a valid reason to NOT do something. Fear for me now that I've practiced feeling it, analyzing it, and allowing it to permeate and circulate, is a reason to pay attention. Fear is a reason to become more aware.


 In fact, it usually means what I'm doing is really important and worth doing.

Again, fear is not a reason to NOT do something.



What do you fear?


What are you afraid of?


What is most important to you?


What do you dream of doing - if you weren't afraid and if money wasn't an issue?


Who are you because of fear?


Who would you be without it?