Pseudo-Insomnia

I woke up over three hours ago at 4:31am.

4:31am

For no good reason.

With no 6am call time, early-morning romp, or otherwise worthy (albeit annoying in the case of the 6am call) reason to wake up, 4:30 is just, well, silly and frustrating to this fem-bot.

This happens from time to time for me. Nowadays, probably once every 6 months if that. It used to be more frequent.

I take this as a good sign. A sign that I'm either some combination or all of the following:

• Healthier physically, likely due to better nutrition and physical fitness 
• More peaceful, a happy thought indeed, as I recall more restlessness in the past (thankfully in the past)
• Happier in my relationship, because if memory serves, a good percentage of my sleepless nights in the past were due to lying next to an ultimately doomed (albeit a mostly cordial & civilized death) bedmate and/or just waking up wondering what the fuck about whatever relationship was troubling me at the time...
• More spiritually...connected (or something). This one surpasses even the aforementioned past relationship woes and general restlessness, and is the hardest to describe, quantify and understand. Let me 'splain. There is too much. Let me sum up. Basically, I suspect I sleep better lately because I've connected more deeply* with the non-physical.

(*I use the words "more deeply" because to think that I was ever not connected would be a gross oversight. We are always connected it is only thinking we're not that creates the illusion that we can be disconnected from the essence of which all things are made of and a part of.)

So one or more of the above reasons has helped me, tremendously, in sleeping better. None were sought-out or had as a means to the end of sleeping better, it's just a happy side-effect. But tonight, I awoke at 4:30am. 

Why? Not sure yet. What did I do? I read a few pages from two of the books I'm in the midst of reading. Sometimes I read one book at a time; right now I'm reading four simultaneously. Library due dates and my own diffused attention have caused this book-polygamy. My two favorites of the four and my bedfellows of this morning were Bite Me and The Four-Hour Work Week.

After reading, I decided to transcribe the last chapter of the book. The. Book. 

What Women Never Tell You

It's a relationship book about all the things women never tell men, but that are vitally important and that men desperately want to know about how to have more success and better relationships with women. Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman.

Marcus and I are writing this book together, but I type like a cheeta, and he types like a panda...a panda with one hand full of eucalyptus leaves. So I've assigned myself the typing portion, and we both record the copy for each chapter (which we completed a few months ago).

But let me reiterate. I typed the LAST CHAPTER of What Women Never Tell You just before I started writing this blog for all of you. 

We still have to edit. Of course. And we still need a publisher, though we'll self-publish if necessary until we get a publisher and are on the New York Times Bestseller List.

But I must admit, it feels...odd

Relieved, but also uncertain. Did I really just finish my first book? 

Maybe that's what caused my insomnia today. Something in me wanted to get up and get it done. So, that's what I did.

I thought there'd be more fanfare and fireworks. But right now I'd settle for some more sleep.

Also, for anyone wondering about my marked absence from the blogosphere for the past several months, my writing energy that was reserved in the past for blogging went towards finishing this book. Hopefully I'll be back blogging away to all of you more frequently. But we may also do a What Women Never Tell You blog and we also may start working on our second book. We'll see. But it is good to be back and I hope you've missed me as much as I've missed all of you, and writing for all of you...this kind of writing - as it's more reflective and cathartic than What Women Never Tell You writing.

Though I am very pleased that I just finished the first full draft of my first book. Maybe there'll be fireworks and fanfare when we really finish it - as in the final edit is done and we send it to the printer. Maybe when we get it back from the printer then we'll have a real party.

Ah, hell. How about I just be happy with this stage of accomplishment.

That's better.

I'm feeling kind of sleepy.