Boobs Trump I.Q.

Need I explain the title?

I guess the answer to that is probably "yes."

Let me disclaim first.

This does not mean that you can get away with being stupid if you have large breasts, though many women, I'm sure, have been excused their intellectual magnitude for a magnitude of bosom, but this type of boobage trumping I.Q. is not actually what this blog is about.

No, this blog is about the fact that very smart men, sometimes even bona fide geniuses can still have their I.Q. and intelligence fully trumped by partially or fully exposed breasts. Come to think of it, a tight sweater alone sometimes does it.

What I mean by fully trumped is, I've witnessed men completely and totally loose their train of thought just by flashing a boob or two.

Now this is not something I do in public, at least nothing I've done in public yet, but more based on my private observations with a few very intelligent men I've known biblically.

This happened recently and it made me laugh. Marcus was on some rant about quantum or particle physics and the fabric of the universe or something along those lines, while I was honestly ready to wind down and be done with his grandiose proclamations for the night. Anyway, not sure I did this intentionally, but I happened to be disrobing at this moment, and he immediately lost his train of thought and gently lunged toward my now exposed breasts muttering "booo-biees" to himself like Gollum mutters "my precioussss..." in Lord of the Rings.

Now the side note is: Marcus's I.Q. was tested at 175 when he was a child, and while he's undoubtedly lost a few if not many I.Q. points since he was tested, he still is probably higher than the average bear, average being 85-115.

But on the particular night in question, it really cracked me up and made me realize, yet again, that while both sexes are currently relevant and necessary for survival of the species, women are still kind of the stronger sex. Sure, we may be more prone to mood swings than men, though I've met some moody men, and we bleed out of a primary orifice on a monthly basis, and we might get irrationally pissed off when the garbage hasn't been taken out or the dishes haven't been done, but still, it seems we have more ability to compartmentalize and still carry on a conversation even when a penis is flashed.

The counter equivalent to men getting wholly distracted by the flash of breasts would be women getting completely distracted by the sight of a penis. I admit, it would surprise me a bit if I were giving a talk on filmmaking, music, hypnosis or even physics (one of my favorite subjects in school), but ultimately I could still carry on a conversation quite easily were a bare penis present during my physics talk. 

Some may argue it's because penises, as Seinfeld so aptly pointed out, belong to a male body which is largely a utilitarian sculpture. But when you think of it, breasts are utilitarian too - they are nature's perfect milk dispensary, deli or trough for babies.

So what's the thesis?

Maybe it's just this:

Ladies, if you want your guy to shut up, flash a boob or two.

Just know, you might get fondled at least, and ravished at most.

"Booo-biees"

A moment of silence for all the plastic surgery casualties

Please...

A moment of silence for all the plastic surgery casualties...

No, I'm not talking about the tragedies of women (and men, though statistically more women get plastic surgery) who die due to complications during surgery or anesthesia, I'm talking about all of the big or lumpy noses, and cute little boobies (even the sagging ones) that are on the proverbial cutting room floors of plastic surgeons throughout Beverly Hills and Miami, and wherever else plastic surgery hails supreme as the maker of beauty-queen dreams.

Let's please all take a moment of silence.

Truth is, I miss Jennifer Grey and her big nose. I suspect most women of my generation loved Dirty Dancing and we didn't care that her nose was more prominent on her face than her lips. In fact, I think it probably made her more believable and more likable.

I also miss seeing real breasts. Christina Aguilera's boobs were perfectly adorable pre-enhancement. Now they're bulbous and obvious.

Look at Pamela Anderson. She was seriously adorable and small-chested. And now...looks like someone follows her around with a bicycle pump inflating those puppies.

What happened to God-given beauty? That on the cutting-room floor too?

My heart sinks every time I see a scene with an actress where her boobs are featured partially or fully exposed and I realize they're fake. I'm not really even a lesbian, but still, I really like real breasts. They're so...malleable and full of surprises in their shape, movement, and variety. They're like wine. Even if you've had that kind before, each bottle (or breast) is it's own unique flavor.

How can we come back from this plastic-obsession? Any ideas out there? Please, post a comment. How do we dig ourselves out of this craziness?

I like pretty things as much as the next visual gal. But I like uniqueness, personality, character and naturalness more. I also love seeing an older woman who shows her wisdom on her face. I believe Joan Rivers wishes she could go back. I heard that somewhere. I wish she could too. She's always been an extremely talented, funny, and striking-looking woman, but now her strikingness is due to too much plastic surgery, not her greatness and God-given unique look.

I have ZERO plans to have plastic surgery. I have never botoxed, and don't plan to. To be honest, I'm not crazy about the subtle lines between my forehead - indicators that I tend to be cerebral, and that I (used to) take myself (and sometimes life) too seriously! Those who know me well know I'm working hard (or not working - mostly meditating and learning how to relax and really do and think nothing), on being less serious. But, I'll make you a deal... If I ever get elective plastic-surgery, I will run down the 405 freeway naked during rush hour (except for my sneakers or five fingers running shoes)...showing off my plumped up lips and breasts that are not bouncing freely as I run.