Madonna is Lady Gaga!

Madonna is famous for reinventing herself.

So much so, in fact, that the word reinventing didn't apply to people at all until Madonna started doing it.

From Blonde Ambition to Evita, from Mom, and woman with the crazy-cut-muscular arms, she paved the way for people like Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Rihanna.

But after listening to Lady Gaga's latest tome, Born This Way, I kept hearing Madonna's famous Express Yourself in my head.

Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed the resemblance, as several online bloggers have mashed up the two songs together to illustrate their similarities. Questions like "Did Lady Gaga rip off Madonna and does anyone care?" accompany a poorly edited photo collage of the two women and their respective songs.

But the following question occurred to me:

Where is Madonna?

She's not been in the limelight or pop-news lately....

So....

I think Madonna is Lady Gaga!

I mean, what better reinvention than to transform yourself into a younger, slightly less fit, less attractive (beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so this is just my opinion), make-up and wig-clad (to hide the plastic-surgery required to pull off this transformation) twenty-something (year right) antics-ridden artist?

Madonna, you have outdone yourself this time. Unpredictable, once again.

It's all really, about magic. 

Well, it's all really about catchy songs and magic. 

Magic is the art of illusion and part of illusion is distraction. You draw the audiences eye away from the thing you don't want them to see (that Lady Gaga really is Madonna), to the meat-suit-dress or astral-ring-dress or egg/pod-thingy to achieve the desired effect. Also, notice that people don't talk too much about Lady Gaga, I mean Madonna's personal life anymore. She may be guarding it closely to her bosom, but her antics draw our attention away from her personal life and straight to her stage life and crazy outfits/makeup/accouterments.

Case and point: 

Madonna's Express Yourself is blatantly similar to Lady Gaga's Born This Way - in both message/theme, melody, beats-per-minute, vocal range, and musical structure.

The only counter to this potentiality is that Gaga's dancing isn't quite as good as Madonna. However, this is probably just part of Madonna's rouse.

Material Girl, you have outdone yourself.

How do people with OCD deal with having a bung-hole?

WARNING!!

For anyone out there who finds me even remotely attractive, please be warned, this blog may reduce some of that attraction to me.

We'll be talking about bung-holes and pooh (not Winnie, the other kind of pooh), and OCD, so please, if you'd like to retain your attraction to me, you may want to skip this blog I've written here.

Here's the question du jour:

How do people with OCD deal with having a bung-hole?


I mean seriously. I'm challenged a bit by having a bunghole. I almost always want to shower after I pooh. At the very least I use a chlorine-free, hippie-style wet-wipe to get things cleaner than toilet paper alone could. And since I eat a pretty clean diet, I often go two or three times a day, and showering that many times a day just isn't feasible, for my skin that would suffer, and all the water and time it would waste.

The French have the right idea with bidets, at least you get to wash off the pooh-hole after pushing one out.

But imagine you're a person living with Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder (OCD) and you have a bunghole and you pooh, at least three times a week.

I just looked it up and according to the Colon, Cleansing and Constipation Resource Center, doctors say that having bowel movements anywhere from 1-3 times per day or a minimum of 3 times per week is normal.

So at least three times per week your OCD must flare up big time when your colon starts pushing stuff out.

So how do you deal with it as an OCD person? I'm really curious about this.

Maybe it's base or déclassé to ask this question, but it occurred to me recently and I haven't been able to shake the question.

Does anyone out there know? You could leave an anonymous comment if you're a therapist protecting your client's confidentiality or a person living with OCD.

And by the by, the aforementioned, Colon, Cleansing and Constipation Resource Center is an actual business and website. Check it out if you need help with your colon, cleansing or constipation. I wonder if there's an app for that.



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All we need is a chicken...

Several years ago, I spent a week in Costa Rica with one of my closest and oldest friends.

Somewhere in our journey to the coast, we ended up on one of those buses. Anyone who's traveled in Central or South America knows exactly what I'm taking about. It wasn't quite as rickety as the quintessential latin-american bus, but it was packed to the gills with locals and their stuff, so we had to stand in the aisle with our largish backpacks until seats became available. Standing there, trying not to annoy the people sitting all around me as we traversed over bumps and turns, I said to my friend, "the only thing this bus is missing is a chicken."

You know the old adage, be careful what you wish for... well, it should be: be careful what you say, because sure as chicken-shit, the next stop boarded a man and his chicken. Said chicken was in an aerated box, but still, there was a real live chicken on my bus to Quepos, Costa Rica.

It made for a good laugh and a good memory, though.

And though this was years ago, it got me to thinking.

What would you do, if you were just a regular José in Costa Rica and you had to take your chicken to...

Where the hell would you be transporting your chicken to? 

Maybe you're selling it, or giving it as a gift to your would-be in-laws as a down-payment on their daughter (do they still do dowries in Costa Rica?), or maybe you just love your chicken and won't leave home without it. Nonetheless, how would you travel with your chicken from town-to-town in Costa Rica?

By Bus, of course.

So it's not so ridiculous that this guy would enter my bus with his chicken.

And it was quite considerate of him to give his chicken a portable coup in the form of a box. Thanks for that, José.

Until we meet again, Costa Rica and your busses, I say to you,

 BAWK, BAWK!

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