Plyometrics

I recently told my father I would email him some of my workout routines that Marcus and I have put together. Marcus puts them together for his martial arts class or to help make my workouts more intense; I’ve put them together because I like variety, and because sometimes I obsess and search workouts on the internet.

So, instead of just emailing him, or rather, emailing my Mother so she can print for him (see the blog Hello? The power of CONNECTING and how technology has changed things for reference on my Father’s computer skills), I decided to write a blog about it...for my Mother to print for him.

This is almost ironic because my early education in fitness was primarily from my Father. He taught me how to ride a bike and lift weights properly. One of his oldest friends had me leading aerobics in gym class at age 12. I swear my Father knew all of the phy-ed (physical education) teachers in the whole city where I grew up. My father’s influence was omnipresent, at least in my formative years around workouts and fitness.

So it’s an interesting flip of roles that I’m now checking in with him on his workouts. That I’m now talking to him about his diet, workout routine and overall health. And of course, it’s no coincidence that the man I’ll likely marry (Marcus) is a serious fitness junkie - though he’s mellowed on his own workout routine in the last few years because his kidneys are napping. In the past, Marcus would train in Jeet Kune Do 2-4 hours a day after an 80-mile bike ride. On the days he didn’t bike, he’d cross train by doing what he called The Bruce Lee workout, which consisted of thousands of kicks, punches, or slips. According to Marcus, Bruce Lee’s notes illustrated Bruce taking a move, like a round-kick for example, and repeating the movement 5000 times. Marcus was a little less ambitious – he only repeated the kicks 1000 times. It’s probably good that Marcus has mellowed.

The truth is, it’s not that my Father doesn’t know what to do, it’s just that...well maybe he doesn’t know what to do about his eating, because since retirement he’s slowly gained weight. But I think he had a routine while teaching, and since he was a fitness teacher (high school, mostly), he was working out throughout the day. As a retiree, his routine is a little more sedentary, to make a gross understatement. He’s still strong as an ox, in fact he lifted 250 lbs on his 70^th birthday, but he carries extra weight, and his blood sugar, as well as his pant-waist size, reflects his more retired lifestyle.

So...I told him he should be getting more out of his workouts and that it’s probable he’s become a bit complacent in his workouts. He replied, true to form and sarcastic, “a little?” Yes, Dad, a little is your influence creeping into my language. (My Father has always had a great sense of humor, annoyingly great at times when he was pointing out his children’s idiosyncrasies.)

So after all of that, here’s a few exercise routines for my Dad or anyone else out there.

Very important FORM note for all exercises:

Feet should be pointed STRAIGHT, stance should be between hip and shoulder WIDTH. We’ll call this balanced stance. (The exception on this is The Crab.) Patella (point just below knee cap), must be over 2^nd toe. KNEES should not pass beyond your TOES. (Your butt has to move backward & torso down to thighs to maintain this proper form. Use a mirror to ensure your knees don’t wobble as you go down. If they do, SLOW DOWN and correct your form. Go SLOW DOWN, and quick UP, if you can. If this still creates a wobble, go SLOW the whole time until you build up strength. This will strengthen your knees & help prevent knee injury. Also, get barefoot-style shoes for your workouts. (I like vibram fivefingers.) This will strengthen your feet, legs and all the very important stabilizer muscles. For squats, imagine a ski jumper or as Marcus likes to say, “knees to boobs.”

For this blog, I’ll share the plyometrics Marcus does before class and recommends for clients. (I do these 3-4 times per week.) For tomorrow’s workout blog, I’ll share my variation on the 300 workout. (The movie 300.)

Sifu’s Plyometrics:

Do each exercise for 30 seconds, then rest for 30 seconds. Marcus calls it 30-30s. Repeat the whole set 2-4 times per workout. You may get sore so the first time you may want to only do 2 sets.

Kick & Twist

Kick with right leg, twist torso toward right leg with left arm swinging forward.

30 seconds for each leg.

Dynamic Lunges

Stand hip-width apart. Step forward into a lunge, be sure your knees bend to 90° angles and not beyond. After lunge push yourself up back to starting position. Switch right and left every other lunge forward.

Switch-step Jump Squat

Start in balanced stance. Step forward 1-foot with the right leg, step backward 1-foot with the left leg, squat down. Jump up, switch your foot position, repeat.

The Heisman

Looks very similar to The Heisman trophy. Side-step dynamically, lifting inside knee to elbow. Keep pelvis tucked and back straight.

The Superman

Start in balanced stance. Squat down, jump up with arms extended toward the sky. Pretend you’re trying to take off like Superman.

The Crab

Wide stance, feet/knees turned out, thighs parallel to the ground. Shuffle to the right starting the shuffle with the left leg, land in the original wide stance. Back straight; hands in prayer pose in front of your chest.

I realize words alone don’t describe this as well as pictures, but we will have pictures, diagrams and video sometime in the near future. Leave a comment if you have questions. These exercises are great because they work on cardiovascular but are also strength-building.

Dad, let me know if you have questions, though I suspect this will be like riding a bike.

Oprah!

It was fun the first time...

You still have time to VOTE! Plus, voting is unlimited, so you can vote many, many times! Also, share on facebook, twitter or just forward an email to your friends. Voting closes July 3rd.

Go to Oprah's website by CLICKING HERE

Share this with everyone you know & vote many, many times! direct URL: http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=19017&promo_id=1

Borrowed Time

First of all, apologies for being so missing in action during this last week or so. I was very busy and continue to be busy with the video we submitted to Oprah. Also, blogger has been temperamental, so even though I've posted new blogs, they don't always email out to everyone as scheduled.

Just so we're clear, the video for Oprah is just the beginning. Both Marcus and I have been steadfast in our intention about this: For the highest good is all we're looking for with Oprah or whatever else may come our way in regard to creating a show that is centered around what Marcus does with his clients. I will absolutely be a player in that I created the show with Marcus and also plan on doing my spiritual and hypnotherapy work with clients on the show, and/or with our clients that we are now seeing.

You've seen the video, so you know a little bit, but I want to tell you all a little more...

Bear with me here. It's good that I'm typing because I get rather emotional when I talk about this.

You see, I got a comment today from an angel disguised as a human. This person had no idea she touched me so profoundly. I randomly spoke with her today about hypnotherapy (as she's a teacher at my hypnotherapy school) and when I mentioned the video we submitted to Oprah (she hadn't connected Marcus and me as a couple yet since she only knows him through facebook), she told me I had to pass along a message. This is what she said,

"Marcus' unconditional positive regard for his clients really comes through on the video. That is why I voted for him...like a hundred times or something. I watched a lot of the videos but this was the only one I voted for. I was very impressed and I'm not easily impressed."

Now this is a very nice compliment. But it reminds me of something else.

Recently Marcus' intensity and what some refer to as "aggressiveness" has come up in conversations. Now let me just say here that he is a very straight-forward dude, and once you're his client (in case this isn't already apparent), he will be a very strong presence and advocate for your health. He checks in constantly with his "birdie" (higher wisdom/spirit guides/whateveryouwannacallit), and though he's human, the mass amounts of information and years of study and meditation have helped him to tap into knowing what will best help his clients get out of their own way. But in the past I've had a hard time with people who I've perceived to be aggressive too... The difference is, when I've seen clients speak their truth with Marcus, he celebrates that they are standing up for themselves. He does not get more intense or aggressive. He wants people to speak their truth and find their voice. Also, he doesn't like yelling or being aggressive, but sometimes he turns up the intensity when people are in their resistance...

Anyway, something occurred to me today under the weight of these two things - Marcus' intensity and his unconditional positive regard.

Marcus is literally on borrowed time. (Geesh. Tears are brimming as I write this.)

He's on borrowed time. When his kidneys failed 12 years ago, his estimated life expectancy was 7-10 years. Once he changed to a different dialysis, they estimated 10-12 years.

We are now, ladies and gentleman, in the 13th year.

Everyone that was simultaneously receiving dialysis with him when he was first diagnosed is now dead. Including an 18-year old girl who seemed to be doing well for years, but then..wasn't.

If you were dealing with people who were resisting their own health and happiness and you were living past when all the doctor's said you'd live, you might be a little intense too.

He knows his way is not the only way. We've spoken a lot about this. Heck, he encourages me to seek other martial arts teachers to see what else I can learn from others.

But his intentions are honest and good. He feels sometimes the best way to get people to let go of their shit is to turn up the heat. Also, once a client signs on to work with him, no matter what they're paying or trading, he will give his all to help them. And he has done literally everything he's had his clients do from dancing naked in your home to fasting to meditation, to overcoming obesity, food obsession, martial arts and sitting with the question, "How glorious are you?" 

And as my new friend said, and I agree, "His unconditional positive regard for his clients really comes through."

That's my man. I'm blessed to be with him. He's blessed to be with me too, for certain.

And just so you know, on a daily basis, I cannot think about this...his being on borrowed time. I just do my best to stay present and enjoy every moment we have together.

Maybe we're all on borrowed time. When you think about it, we are. We're all on borrowed time, but I suspect it tastes different when the doctors are actually telling you that you have x months/years to live. Though it's good to remember, and evident with Marcus, that doctors are sometimes wrong.

How would you live your life differently if you were on borrowed time?

How will you live your life differently...knowing you ARE on borrowed time?

Oprah!

It was fun the first time...

You still have time to VOTE! Plus, voting is unlimited, so you can vote many, many times! Also, share on facebook, twitter or just forward an email to your friends. Voting closes July 3rd.

Go to Oprah's website by CLICKING HERE

Share this with everyone you know & vote many, many times! direct URL: http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=19017&promo_id=1

The People Whisperer - My Video for Oprah!

Oprah has a contest for people to get their own television/talk show, and I thought the show Marcus and I have been developing around the work he does with his clients and students would be a natural fit. When the show gets made, I'll likely be the host and resident Hypnotherapist, but for this short submission, we centered things around Marcus. But getting this to Oprah depends on how many votes the video gets... So, all you have to do is go to Oprah's website by CLICKING HERE and voting by clicking the GREEN button below the video.

Share this with everyone you know. Voting closes July 3. YOU WANT TO SUPPORT The Video? CLICK HERE to now vote at Oprah's site. Remember, YOUR VOTING NOW Really Makes a Difference. We didn't do it alone though. We had a lot of help. As you can see, Marcus was on camera a majority of the filming, so that left a lot of the logistics to me... I did too many jobs to mention, including sound mixing, producing, and production manager, but I promise I'll hire out once we get funding. We had an amazing DP Allan Palmer, an amazing producer, and Jayme who gracious gave of his resources as well. Also, we could not have done this without Marcus' students, who graciously gave of their time and energy. All in all, it was amazing, and we got it all done in one week. Thank you everybody! One last reminder to VOTE!

P.S. If the links above don't work or if you want to forward the exact link, please use the full link here or try pasting this into your browser.

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=19017&promo_id=1
__________________________________________________

If you miss my regular, writing blogs, they will start up again now that I'm done with this project. Stay tuned for more, though we must ROCK THE VOTE! until July 3rd!


If you received this from a friend and want to subscribe, click KatieStrandWorld, and enter your email address on the right column. Thanks!

Play with the Girls

For about a month now I've been enrolled in a beach volleyball class through a local community college. Now anybody who knows me and my body type might think I'm built for volleyball, and maybe the creator who designed my body, with some help from my genetic brethren the Vikings and Slavs - both notoriously hearty and physical people, had something like volleyball in mind when I was designed. Though my body type was probably originally used for fighting, invading and wielding a sword against the Romans since the average Roman back in 200 BC, was 5'2", and the average Viking was about 6'2" (Viking females averaged around 5'8" back then - my height).

But anyway. I'm sort of built for this type of thing. No sword required.

But I'm rusty. The last time I played volleyball in any sort of organized fashion was court volleyball in junior high, back in 1991. To give a little perspective, in 1991 we were heavy into Desert Storm (thanks Bush, Sr.), the average home price was 120k, and this new thing called the internet was made commercially available and 1 million computers went on line. (Apparently no one knows for sure how many are currently on line, but estimates are in the 4 billion+ range.) So, we've come full circle. Both me and my volleyball playing, our country and the desert-wars (where's all the oil again?), and, of course, the internet going commercial and me entering the blogosphere.

But thanks to my heritage, my early 90s playing experience, and my father, who coached virtually every sport but most notably football, and also taught physical fitness for 36 years in public schools,  I started the semester with a little skill. There were other people with more experience, but I was a solid intermediate player.

But on the very first day of class, our volleyball teacher, aka "coach," separated us into groups to practice a hitting drill involving hitting the ball over the net, retrieving balls and tossing to have the ball set-up to us. Basically, it was a rotation to get us all in the rhythm of playing volleyball. Well. He put me with "The Girls."

The. Girls.

Now, I love women. I love my girlfriends, and as I've grown older have realized the value of good, quality girlfriends. But I also was a coach's daughter. And I've also been "one of the guys" quite a bit in my life.

I have to admit, it bugged me that the coach put me with the girls.

Mostly, it wasn't that I was so much better than the girls, it was that the coach assumed all the girls should be together. It was also that I took to the drill a little faster than some of the other girls.

But I left class that day bugged and, honestly, laughing at myself for being bugged.

Fast forward to 6 weeks later. Today.

I like playing with the girls. In fact, I prefer it.

The inexperienced girls have improved a lot. The experienced girls have improved to the point where they can hold their own with some of the much more experienced guys. Also, the girls are more fun. They don't take the game as seriously as some of the more experienced guys. It's also worth noting that some of the guys are worse than the girl players. It's also worth noting that of the guys enrolled in class, at least half of them have beach volleyball playing experience. Where that's true of maybe 20% of the girls. So all things being equal, I'm having fun playing with the girls.

Side-note. There was a time in my life where I was "one of the guys" for an entire summer. Virtually every day I hung out with these 3-4 guys and we would go to the beach where I was life-guarding, or get food, or play taboo at one of our houses into the wee hours of the morning. For some reason, we just liked playing taboo. Though they came to regard me as a little sister and I never dated any of these guys, they did grow fond of referring to my breasts as "the girls." Don't ask me why. I suppose since I was the only one with boobs, they wanted to name them something special. So every time I write, "play with the girls," I can't help thinking of that summer (I believe it was '96) and how much fun we had doing what essentially amounted to nothing but hanging out. We really should've been playing beach volleyball...

But back to current day volleyball class.

This letting go of my stigma against playing with the girls has yielded some unforeseen side-effects. Firstly, I've mostly let go of being competitive. And I have to say, I like it. I don't care who wins. I don't care if my teammates screw up. I'm just there to learn, get better, and have fun. I've also made some friends. My favorite friend from class is a girl who squeals whenever the ball comes to her when she's not ready. It's great. (Imagine an ascending tone that goes "Whoo-ooo-whoo!") It's like we have our own alarm signal telling us: Pay attention. It's time to play. and Balls will be coming at you now. (Innuendo intended.)


She's getting quite good, actually. We might practice together and I suspect we might go pick up games once class is over.

By the way, I told my dad about this "playing with the girls" thing and he thought it was hilarious. He told me I didn't need to be so competitive. I told him, now you tell me. He was not only extremely competitive, he loved competition. As a kid I used to play one-on-one basketball with him, and this is when I was a full foot shorter than him, he'd hold my head with one hand, then dribble and shoot with the other, just to mess with me.

So I've come a long way.

Play with the girls.

And squeal if the ball comes to you when you're not expecting it. Trust me, it makes the game more fun.



 

More Interesting Katie Strand World Posts

• If I were a Ninja, I'd wear these shoes
• How my friend Sally became the new First Lady
• My Boyfriend has Autism...Maybe
• Raw Primal Papaya Custard - The Nectar of the Gods
  
• And All the Cows Said Moo!
• If you were John Mayer, you would too
• Tiredness - Varieties of and unforeseen side-effects
• Foreplay is overrated
• Food should be As God Intended or Why isn't everything we eat organic?
  
• Yelling - One of the Highest Forms of Compassion
  
• The Cove - Louie Psihoyos' Oscar speech & a guide on how to create change...
• My Favorite Things...Arrabiata Recipe - Fresh, Organic, Vegan or Primal
  
• My Favorite Shows on Television...or how David Duchovney & Jesus are likely Good in Bed
  
• The Hawaiian Islands and Washington D.C.’s sand-paper circle-jerk about Health Care
  
• My Buddha has Termites...A Lesson in Infinite Joy
• The One-Date-Wonders!
• I had to learn SIGN LANGUAGE when I moved to Los Angeles
• Guys can make a game out of anything
• Hello? The power of CONNECTING and how technology has changed things
  
• Popping the question is better than porn!
• Bravo, Stephen Colbert & Co! and your Olympic Vancouverage
• Songwriting is like SEX
• Born To Run by Christopher McDougall - Inspiring a inspiring all of us to be more in the FLOW
• A moment of silence for all the plastic surgery ca...
• Ricky Gervais should be the new Simon on American Idol
• Muscle SURPRISE! The key to physical, mental & emotional fitness
• I think my boyfriend's a snake...
• Release... Sweat & Power
• MY FAVORITE THINGS! - Vibram's Five Fingers
• Dick Morris... How do you sleep at night?
• Rusty DePass, Gorillas, and Obama, oh my!
• Michael Jackson - Troubled Genius

New Music
&
Posts
at
Katie Strand Music

• Please Don't Leave Me
• Going To California
  
• Come Back
• Home

Guys can make a game out of anything

About 15 years ago I was visiting one of my oldest and closest guy friends. By old, I mean pre-birth. His mother and my mother have been friends since they were six years old; he & I have been friends since he was 8, because that was his age when I was born...

Anyway, I was visiting him in San Diego on spring break, a rather perfect place to visit during Minnesota’s “spring,” which is really just winter plus, or winter, the extended version. My birthday’s in the end of March and we could still have sledding parties – there was that much snow in the northern tundra I called home for the first 18 years of my life. Truly, I loved growing up there, as my winter-sports skills are testimony to, but San Diego was an easy choice for spring break, especially knowing I’d have a friend to stay with.

But comparing Minnesota and southern California weather is not the intended topic of this blog. While visiting my SoCal friend in San Diego, I discovered a tangible fact about men. This is something I was exposed to prior to my visit, but I think it really anchored that spring week.

Guys can make a game out of anything. Or maybe “competition” is just as apt a word as “game.” Look at fantasy football. Only guys could make a game out of watching football. I’m not even going to bother doing an internet fact-check on this one, because only the male species could invent a game out of game-viewing.

My hosts in San Diego, my friend and his roommate, would spend hours – I’m not exaggerating here, they literally spent hours playing this game they invented that basically consisted of the following rules:

• From a seated position on the couch
• Throw a hacky-sack (about an 8-9 foot toss if memory serves)
• Make said hacky-sack land atop a triangular-shaped speaker that stood about 4 feet tall, of which each side was approximately 7-8 inches (making the area approximately 12-16 square inches)

It’s harder than I describe, because a) The hacky-sack has a tendency to roll off the top of the speaker – no matter if the thrower bounced it off the wall first or tried for a direct landing; and b) It required a certain arc and delicacy that took a while to master. Once you got the feel, you still were only batting less than 500 (again, if memory serves).

Now I’m making fun a little of my male counter-parts here, but I must admit, I sort of like this about men. It comes in very handy when on long road trips, flights, camping, hiking or stranded somewhere.

But it makes me wonder – are men like this because they spent so many years of human evolution hunting, or were they good at hunting because they’re like this? Also, in today’s world, where hunting is no longer required for survival, are men just creating these games, competitions...even wars, because they don’t know what else to do with all of those subconscious hunting instincts that are still inherent in them? That seems to disregard our conscious minds, though. And unfortunately, I can’t think of any way to prove or disprove this half-baked theory.

What I do know is this: If medals were awarded, I would’ve received a bronze medal in the tri-hacky-tournament. Too bad there were only three of us playing, or I might’ve had bragging rights for the bar.

More Interesting Katie Strand World Posts

• I had to learn SIGN LANGUAGE when I moved to Los Angeles
• Guys can make a game out of anything
• Hello? The power of CONNECTING and how technology has changed
• Popping the question is better than porn!
• Bravo, Stephen Colbert & Co! and your Olympic Vancouverage
• Songwriting is like SEX
• Born To Run by Christopher McDougall - Inspiring a inspiring all of us to be more in the FLOW
• A moment of silence for all the plastic surgery ca...
• Ricky Gervais should be the new Simon on American Idol
• Muscle SURPRISE! The key to physical, mental & emotional fitness
• I think my boyfriend's a snake...
• Release... Sweat & Power
• MY FAVORITE THINGS! - Vibram's Five Fingers
• Dick Morris... How do you sleep at night?
• Rusty DePass, Gorillas, and Obama, oh my!
• Michael Jackson - Troubled Genius

More Amazing Music and Posts at Katie Strand Music

• Come Back
• Home

Bravo, Stephen Colbert & Co! and your Olympic Vancouverage

If you missed this week of The Colbert Report, you can watch episodes either on Comedy Central's website for The Colbert Report, Colbert Nation, or on Hulu (where you'll suffer only 2-3 commercials per episode. (No, I'm not sponsored by either one of these organizations, I just like to make things easy for my readers.)

Stephen Colbert and Co. (Co being his writers and staff) did a fantastic job this week not covering the Olympic games. They Vancouveraged them. But right here I'd like to just point out the absurdity of copyright law. Apparently, NBC paid $820 million for exclusive rights to use the "O" word. (No, not orgasms. Please see previous blogs for those kinds of topics, people! This is serious, olympic, athletic business here on this blog!) What this means, as far as this very un-legal gal understands, is that no other broadcast station can proclaim on-air that they're covering the Olympic games of 2010. Only NBC-owned-or-affiliated stations can say that. Also, no other non-NBC-owned-or-affiliated stations can even show the Olympic rings without risking being sued. Sillyness, huh? That's copyright for you. I wonder how that applies to print. I suspect it doesn't since newspapers seem to be freely reporting on the winter Olympics, but who reads a newspaper (besides online) nowadays anyways? Besides, of course, my parents... and anyone retired and over age 60. Don't get me wrong, I actually love newspapers. There's a fantastic visceral experience that comes with reading an actual newspaper (as opposed to reading news on the computer or watching news on television). I just love trees more than that visceral experience. Especially considering I would sometimes miss reading the paper on certain days and would subsequently feel a bit wasteful. If they printed newspapers on hemp, a crop that grows, aptly, like a weed, and actually replenishes the soil (unlike corn that reaps & drys out soil - please see the movies Food, Inc. & The Union for more) I might be more inclined to subscribe to a newspaper...but I digress.

Back on topic, here's how Colbert got around that little legality and are avoiding being sued.

Exclusive Vancouverage of the 2010
Quadrennial Cold Weather Athletic Competition...
Defeat The World!

Colbert's brother, who is a copyright attorney and recent guest on the show to advise little bro Stephen on said laws, said if he were the Olympic attorney he'd still sue for the aforementioned Exclusive Vancouverage of the 2010 Quadrennail Cold Weather Athletic Competition... but that Colbert would likely win.

Bravo, Colbert & Co! Not just for comedy or creativity, though you deserve high marks for that. But I celebrate you because you skirt (or luge around the fastest corner) the line of copyright legality (truly one of the most boring of all legalities - which really is saying something) in the name of humor, entertainment, and most importantly, supporting world competition and athleticism. Could we just do this whole athletic competition thing instead of war? We'd still get our aggressions out. Oh, wait. It's not as profitable. NBC's set to loose money on this one, and Halliburton simply would not tolerate that. War's more profitable than the Olympics. Chew on that next time you decide to exercise...Oh wait, chew on that next time you watch TV. Since if you're an average American, you're likely to spend more time watching television than exercising.

Ricky Gervais should be the new Simon on American Idol

Firstly, let me just say I am not one of millions of Americans addicted to American Idol. As a musician, songwriter, singer, pianist and guitarist, hubris often takes over and prevents me from really getting involved. Also, once they're done traveling the country on auditions, I get kind of bored with the karaoke-ness of the show. But I do understand why it's appealing. Watching people fail and succeed in an exaggerated way is exciting and enticing for most Americans. Also, hearing songs you recognize is also nice for most people. So, I get it.

About Simon leaving the show. As much as I'd love to see his spot go to an American, because even though I love Brits generally and in entertainment, they seem to be taking over our television shows, and I'd like jobs to go to my countrymen. Anyway, I think the absolute best choice for Simon Cowell's replacement is Ricky Gervais.

Here's why:

1. He's fearless when it comes to saying what he thinks. Did you all see The Golden Globes? He was completely unapologetic about making fun of everyone and his industry. He is completely irreverent about celebrity and manufactured fame.
   
2. On the Golden Globes, he drank beer on the job, which is sort of an essential for the resident as$hole.
   
3. He has a british accent, which everyone knows makes everything (to Americans) sound better. Insults, being told off, cursing, all sounds so much more refined and acceptable to Yankee ears. Man I wish he'd record my outgoing message for me.
4. If American Idol contestants can survive a Ricky Gervais tongue-lashing, they might actually be able to handle fame, criticism, and the paparazzi.

The only foreseeable problem is that I think Ricky Gervais is actually a really nice guy. Especially when it comes to dealing with normal, everyday people. So he may not be able to look in the faces of these American Idol hopefuls and tell them that they suck. I suppose Ricky is the only one who could really weigh-in on this potentiality. Ricky, could you do it? Could you tell some 22 year old who just sang her heart out on national television that her rendition of "I Will Survive" was just bloody awful? That some guy's version of "Wanted Dead or Alive" was just abysmal? Hmm. Ricky, weigh-in for us, will you?


But still, why hasn't anyone offered the soon-to-be open slot at the American Idol judges table to Ricky Gervais?
He's perfect.
Oh, but give me credit for the idea, ya wankers.