I'm Lazy!

I get that this sounds nuts, but (perhaps) welcome to Katie Strand 2017-2018!

Sometimes it occurs to me that I workout so hard and eat healthy not for the reasons people assume or glean from seeing or talking with me but, because I'm lazy! (Or intolerant!)

Here's the breakdown:

I don't like nor want to do, nor want to spend time doing the following every single day:

*Put on makeup 

*Style my hair

*Wear spanx (some women wear multiple pairs for special, squeeze-worthy occasions like eh hem the Golden Globes-- hollywood stylists might be the biggest promoter of spanx)

*Have my body not function (digestion, sleep, mental, etc) due to toxicity or odd hormones or excess weight

*Be hung over

*Be dependent on side-effect laden prescriptions (I've seen this first hand)

*Feel lethargic or slow due to overeating or digesting something heavy or hard to digest 

*Wonder what might fit clothing-wise

*Feel disconnected 

People think I'm disciplined... perhaps it seems that way, but I don't feel disciplined. The alternative is just simply too unpleasant, unthinkable even. Like flipping off God or something. 

Also, I want to be able to do all the things I want to do... dance, martial arts, volleyball, aerial acrobatics, yoga, whatever new physical thing I want to try, with minimal body restriction or limitation. 

The last asterisk... "don't want to feel disconnected"... I figured this out the first month after Marcus Lovemore passed --- that drinking anything more than 2-3 drinks (or more than 1 per night) total per week creates a less connected state within me. It lowers my vibration. I don't like it. In the vernacular we call alcohol a "depressant" and I suppose that's as good a description as any... but all the health stuff I do and continue to do, the earthsuit I wear looking how it looks (I like the way I look now but I liked how I looked before; I just prefer this, I asked for this/did the work but Marcus created the program! 😝) is just a side effect because vanity alone isn't motivation enough... it feels too superficial. 

Feeling so much gratitude for Marcus's profound effect on me and my life. 

Today's confession/dirt:

I find myself judging people who don't care for themselves and their physical/mental health... but not that they're bad, but it annoys me that they're not doing more for themselves when they have ALL their organs working!! Doesn't seem fair that they get to be here, alive, and Marcus isn't and he wanted to live more than anyone I've ever known! And would do anything, without attachment nor much discernible resistance, in service to his health and connection. 

When I'm really missing him like right now, I say aloud (in a whisper if in public)...

I love you

I love you

I love you

Always 3 times. Don't know why. It just feels right. 

One of my outfits Marcus adored. 2015, I think.