So many times in the last three years*, grief has brought me to my knees… My legs no longer able to support me. Doesn’t seem to matter if it’s sun or rain, night or day, it just comes like a sudden wave, or piano falling out of the sky next to a Manhattan high rise. The phrase “like a ton of bricks” seems apropos.
I wish those of you who didn’t know Marcus, could have known him, and experienced him and us together...
Witnessed what I only have now in memory… The memory of the experience of being loved, accepted, adored, embraced, celebrated on a daily basis. The relationship felt... easy. Shocking but true. I felt heard. Seen. You know what I mean? I often said the hardest part of our relationship was that he had kidney failure. Our daily interaction and experience of each other was... easy. Flow. Fun. Connected. It was truly a profound experience. Somehow I feel that more now, being in the world and learning about people and their relationships... Apparently what we had was the anomaly, the exception, the unique thing. If you have something similar in your life and relationship, wow! I celebrate you!
There was no honeymoon period... perhaps the newness wore off within the first 6 months but somehow it actually got better. We we’re together 8 years 8 months. No 7 year itch. No boredom. No love lost. It grew! More trust. More connection. More love. Lovemore. Marcus Lovemore!
What’s even more amazing... I’m not the only one. I might have been the closest to him the last 10 years of his life, but his friends, family, students, clients... so many experienced him this way on some level. Like or comment with your experience of this man.
This is my view from my workout this morning. Still feels so good to move my body, strong & alive... thanks for teaching me the ultimate fitness program, babe.
Hi, Duluth!
*I say three years even though it’s been 1 year 10 months since he passed (Nov2017) because that last year of his life was filled with hope & despair, grief & triumph, fear & challenge... I can’t tell y’all how many times I cried driving away from the hospital... pulling over because tears blurred my vision... so it’s been... 3 profound, difficult, transformational years of grief.
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