Something Is Missing

It feels like something is missing...

All the time. 

It's eerie. 

Weird. 

Those around me can testify, I'm losing things, spilling, misplacing, absent minded. Unusual for me. 

It doesn't bother me much, but it always feels like something's missing so my radar is off to that intuitive message. 

Then I realize. It's him. He is what's missing. 

I still feel and hear him when I reach out. That's not gone for anyone wondering. 

But the black hole in my heart and soul left by his absence is...

No words. 

Vast?

Deep?

Unknown?

Becoming familiar?

Filled?

Not filled, but made less obvious, by my time with loved ones. Experiences. Sharing. Authenticity. 

Suddenly...

The missing thing feels huge. Insurmountable. Obvious. And I'm back in that black hole. 

I'll be dancing. 

Laughing. 

Singing.

Playing guitar.

Exercising. 

Smiling. 

Having a good time. 

Then it hits me. I perceive the black hole in its depth and entirety. I fall in. 

Sometimes it lasts a few seconds. Sometimes minutes. Hours? Not that I can recall, but I typically lose time in the black hole. 

Then I emerge and I probably seem fine. And I probably am. I've forgotten again what exactly is missing. 

Until the next cosmic event.