For the past 9 months, my partner Marcus Lovemore has been in severe pain and at risk of dying due to complications from 19 years on dialysis, the most recent of which are gastroparesis, calcification (of bowels and arteries), an infection that required two months of life-saving but also seriously damaging antibiotics (which caused the gastroparesis), gangrenous (dry) right toes, and severe neuropathy which causes 10-level pain. I haven't written in my blog because I've been taking care of him full time, got laid off from work (though they tried to just cut hours to avoid paying unemployment fees), and moved TWICE seeking better doctors and proper/affordable living accommodations.
Marcus Lovemore is at his lowest weight. 117 pounds on his 5 foot 9, relatively large boned, previously athletic body is way too light. He should be 165+.
I'm crying as I dictate this, because I'm scared to lose him. And seeing a loved one in this much pain and weakness is really difficult! The dialysis center made a mistake and he didn't get his nutrients on Wednesday. He receives 1200 calories of nutrients every time he does dialysis. But for the second time now he didn't receive it due to some clerical or nursing or shipping error.
A severely underweight person cannot afford to cut 1200 calories a week.
I feel so broken from this whole experience. Every time I think we've made progress, every time it seems like he's getting better, there's another setback.
I've witnessed Marcus heal and recover (himself & others) from so many things considered "incurable" by western medicine. It's still possible for him to recover, but he has been through tremendous pain and trials and weakness and sleep deprivation...
Truthfully I don't know how he's doing it. It's a testament to his mental fortitude and resilience. It's almost like all of his life choices and experiences make him uniquely qualified to do this, meditation (1hr/day or more since age 7!), martial arts, art, athletics... all of it training to be present and maintain will to live despite the pain & shit of this... but it still sucks to go through and watch. I've never seen anything like it. He is remarkable.
Come visit. Come help. Donate. Send others to help or share our story if you're not geographically or financially able to help. This is our time of need, still. Our stuff is disorganized and we may be quiet or sub-par company, but we need help.
Gratitudes:
I'm so grateful for Marcus Lovemore. He's an awesome person, man, partner...
I'm grateful for my health and body-- that Marcus helped me create!
I'm grateful for Monick Paul Halm, who is having a soiree Saturday & invited me after I requested some sister/ladies time.
I'm grateful for Linda S. Montgomery, sending colloidal silver and support.
I'm grateful for Floyd Dillman for amazing support and encouragement!
I'm grateful for Rollie and Kay Strand, for support and for being my parents, and for trying their best to love & embrace Marcus.
I'm grateful to Vickie Winston for ongoing support.
I'm grateful to Mo Ramchandani for support and knowing how fucking hard it is to be a medical advocate for a loved one.
I'm grateful for Piper Dellums, for understanding, love and support.
I'm grateful to Jeff Perkowitz, Tennyson Ewing Stead, Reuben Langdon, Derron Ross, and all of Marcus's friends, clients and students. FB won't let me tag anyone else (some FB snafu), so I'll close here, apologies if I didn't grateful you by name, I blame Facebook.
You, who took time to read this to the end, I'm grateful for YOU.
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