Addicted to Honesty

Have you ever noticed that the word pathological is often tied to liar.

My theory is that telling lies is addicting or habitual - not only because an object (or habit - in my theory) in motion tends to stay in motion, but also because once you start the lying ball rolling, more lies are often necessary to support the first, original lie.

But I also think the opposite is true. I think honesty is habit-forming or addictive.

Four years ago, when Marcus and I first started hanging out and talking, I remember him encouraging me to say it, to tell him the thing I was obviously censoring.

Prior to dating Marcus, I had a tendency to offend or hurt the feelings of the men I was dating. Being a somewhat sensitive and compassionate person, I made efforts to censor myself so I wasn't hurting people I cared about.

The obvious problem in censoring oneself is that it leads to withholding and a dampening of one's true self and true expression.

Random, potentially offensive (and potentially funny) spontaneous jokes would just circulate in my mind, never seeing the light of day or the potential laughter of others.

Revelatory, but potentially jealous-inducing comments about people would stay sealed behind my lips - for fear it would create not only jealousy in a fella, but also insecurity and snowball into a fight over how I interact with people of both genders.

The truth is, censoring and withholding (and probably lying - not something I make a habit of so I can't speak from personal experience) is actually exhausting.

Really, Marcus has given me an amazing gift in encouraging honesty in me and our relationship.

I was looking for it, for him. For years I'd been saying, "I just want someone who I can say anything to..."

Well, I've found it.

And I've found that honesty is addictive.

Sometimes I over-share. Apologies if you've been at the hearing-end of this. But I'd rather over-share than go back to the self-censoring and withholding.

Imagine being in a relationship with someone and being able to say anything without the weight or fear of offending or creating a conflict or fight or hurt feelings. I wish I could convey how liberating it is... What more could anyone ask for than to be embraced and accepted exactly as they are?
Hi, my name is Katie and I'm addicted to honesty.